Yes, it was hara-kiri. I don’t have a better word to express my latest experience of this movie called ’Chalte Chalte.’ I curse the day I promised some people here that I would join them for a ’desi’ flick. But not even in my wildest dream I’d imagined that they would decide for this stupid one. I was literally goaded and dragged by the hair to the theatre despite my many attempts at making all sorts of excuses. Sigh!
Even as I saw the gay (I most certainly don’t mean ’happy’ here) face of Shahrukh peering out of that huge poster, my sixth sense warned me of the forthcoming danger. I begged and pleaded with the gang to change the plans to ’Matrix Reloaded’ or ’X-Men’ but they thrust under my nose the written agreement that I signed promising to watch a ’Hindi’ movie. I tried in vain, cajoling and brainwashing them to watch ’Nayee Padosan’ or even ’Khwaish’ for that matter but everything fell over stone-deaf ears. As the rush was bad, it seemed impossible to obtain tickets and I crossed my fingers, praying hard. But blast the guy who managed to produce four tickets from some bloody crook and we were in. Sigh again! Some days are just not yours! Anyways, I decided to give it my best shot and all my patience. At least those promos looked good and songs sounded nice no... but alas!
The movie, as you all know, stars the most irritating Shahrukh Khan and Rani Mukherjee in the lead. There is NO story. If you call the following ’story’ then I recommend medical counseling for you. It goes like:
Poor Boy, Rich girl. Boy flips for girl. But girl supposed to get engaged to some puppy dog. So boy desperately ’pataos’ girl in foreign locales and woos her with his monkey tricks. Girl flips too and shuns puppy dog. Boy, girl get married. Then arise the class differences, ego problems, false prestige issues and petty fights in their daily life. But at the end ’Love’ is what matters and everything is hunky dory.
Throw into this some loony friends’ gang, paly- paly Policeman, Postman, Paanwala et al, one rude Mausi, one complaint dad, one sacrificing puppy dog and one real dog, one lamppost and one Johny Walker. Viola, kya story hein!
The only plus point of this movie is Music and Songs. I would have opted for zero star rating for this movie, but the single star I am giving is only because of the song and music department. The songs have been picturised in great style (Choreography - Farha Khan) and the numbers are quite melodious. Ashok Mehta’s cinematography is brilliant. Greece, Mumbai and Mahabaleshwar look swell! ’’Tauba’’ and ’’Suno na’’ take the cake, but some other mentionable numbers are ’’Gujariya, Prem nagariya ke dagariya chalo’’ - I am a diehard ’boli’/ dialect fan and love those rustic vocabulary. Hats off, Javed Akthar! This song is folklore based and predominant ’dholak’ beats make it a real delight. Another very hummable melody is ’’Layve na gayee the nibhayi bhi na gayee’’ - Punjabi lyrics at its best. The other two tracks are timepass. ’’Gumshuda’’ gets a little loud while the title track ’’Chalte Chalte’’ sounds boring.
The most irritating factor as I mentioned is Shahrukh Khan. He knows his way of getting into audiences’ nerves and so he does from the very first reel. Undoubtedly, this is his worst over-acting ever. In fact, he makes you cringe with disgust while he is trying to win over Rani by crinkling his face, twitching eyebrows, pursing and pouting his Gorilla lips. And the girl falls for all that?! How sick can her taste get? tsk! tsk!! The first half is continuous buffoonery by this orangutan and the second half is nothing but K3G revisited. Again, floods of Ganges and Brahmaputra flow uninhibited, unlimited and untamed. Aargh! Rani has nothing much to do other than look sophisticated or weep uncontrollably.
All through the movie I was feeling as fidgety as Rajkumar in Veerappan’s custody and occasionally turned my attention to my companion animals. The one next to me was blissfully catching up with his forty winks, all thanks to the efficient A/C hall providing much respite from scorching heat outside. The joker next to him was playing pokemon on his cell phone and yawning away to glory. The young lady next to him was sobbing hysterically. No, not at the impending sorrows of SRK or Rani on screen, but for having paid double the price of Rs.60 tickets and having to watch this crap. The pesky kid, about 8 years, on my right kept intervening between his munching.
’’Didi, you know.. now this this will happen and that that will take place.’’
I asked him ’’Have you seen this movie before beta, how do you know?’’
’’Arey didi, saare picture mein aise hi hothe hein.. munch! munch!’’
But the lad was correct. And every time. How much more predictable can the movie get, if a thumb sucking baby can direct it over his lollypops!
Now that I am in brain-dead mode and need complete medical attention, I shall be consulting a certain Dr. Narak Singh Baroda, FRCS (Full Relief cum Shanti), London, for online therapy over MSN. In the meanwhile, I have been sending rumours on SMS to people on my hit list, recommending them this movie saying, ’’Go watch it, because Shahrukh dies in the end’’ Aah, Sweet revenge! And you all can go and watch it at your own risk!