My daughter turned 9 last week. I was wondering what to gift her? Video games, VCDs, books, games, dolls etc. These are the things we give the kids every now and then. As I wondering what to do, I remembered my mother(who is now in her heavenly abode). When my daughter was born, mom told me time and again that the best gifts a parent can give a daughter are unconditional love, self confidence, and moral support.
At that moment it did not make much meaning to me as I felt that every parent do that. But as years went by, I realized the wisdom in my mothers words. It is easy to make the statement but very difficult to put it into practice.
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What I want my daughter to be?
I don’t know who the original poet is, but since this is exactly what I would
like to say, I have changed it a bit and customized it!
I want to bring up my daughter the best I can.
That is not an easy job in today’s world.
I want her to know right from wrong.
So many worries about what her life would hold,
I want her to question when she believes something
to be wrong, and ask for an explanation why.
If she makes a mistake I want her,
to admit it and apologize promptly.
I will encourage her to be anything
that she wants to be.
She can be a nurse, but why not be a Doctor,
or be the engineer instead of being a secretary?
I hope when she is my age,
she is not judged on the shape of her legs,
but the goodness in her soul
and on the depth of her skills.
I want her to know that there is much,
much more to a woman than being a housewife.
To have the courage to tell the man she loves to hit the road
and if he tells her that is the way it is.
If she chooses to be a housewife,
it is a full time job-that she should know!
There is nothing wrong in being at home
It’s a wonderful decision to do so.
I want her to know, that it is a crime
against anyone to be assaulted.
If it happens to her from a man
to pack her bags and leave after the first slap.
I want her to love music and art(as I do),
to see the world through the eyes of another.
I want her to know that bigotry and hatred
are unacceptable behavior.
I want her to enjoy and understand
the differences in the people of the world.
Not to judge someone because
they appear different from her.
She has to learn that though we are different,
we all bleed red.
Early in her life, is the time to lay
the foundation to all the above said.
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- About a year we had a party at our office and it was the first time my daughter, Soumya was visiting the new site. I took her around and finally we went to my office. She looked around and gave me a hug and gave a kiss saying, ’Oh mom, you have pinned this here have you?’ I wondered what made her so happy and looked where she was looking at-the drawing she made when she was about 4 years old(a fish) and a photograph of hers below that. I don’t think I saw that kind of happiness in her eyes even when I gave her any expensive gift that she longed for. She was extremely happy to know that she was in my thoughts even in the place of my work and that a not so good artwork of hers had a place of its own in my office.
Parents can show the little gestures to our kids that make them feel loved.
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- My daughter loved going to school. A few months back, she said that she did not want to and if she had to go to school she would not wear the specs to school. On asking her her the reason why, she said that two boys in her school van teased her chasmis. I had a heart to heart conversation with her and told her not to be affected by what the boys said. After a few days she came back saying that the boys have stopped teasing her. It seems she told the boys, ’So what’s new? I wear specs, so I am a chasmis!’ and smiled it off. The boys stopped teasing her!
As parents we should teach our kids to face the world confidently.
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- One evening just as I went to collect my daughter from the day care, she said, ’Mom, I want you to write a poem for me.’ She wanted to give one for her school magazine. I reasoned with her that a poem written by me would be mine, not hers.and she reasoned with me that her class mates brought jokes and articles that their parents downloaded from the Internet. I knew it was difficult to make her understand. So we had a brainstorming session where in she was supposed to give me ideas and I would decide if I could write a poem for her. She went on and on and finally said, ’Mamma, I want to write something about what I did from the time I was one year old till now. So saying she came up with the prose and I later helped her rhyme some of the lines. There, a poem was ready, without much fuss.
When she got her school magazine, she thanked me for not writing a poem for her. She is proud of the fact that the poem was her idea and that she has written the draft. Now she proudly shows it off saying, ’I came up with the idea, I wrote, and tehn mummy helped to finish it. Hai na mummy?’ It is such a treat to see ones child proud of his/her own work(however small it is) isn’t it?
We should let the kids come out with their ideas, and do that playfully:)
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- One evening, I was in a state of frenzy, I had a deadline the next day and had to finish off some work. Soumya was not keeping very well and so I could not devote the time I planned to complete the work from home at night. In the morning, my husband offered to stay at home that day, but our daughter was persistent that she wanted mama to be at home. So I decided to stay back and work from home(if possible). What can be more important than my little one? Just as I hugged her and said that I would stay back and be with her, Soumya asked me to go to the office. According to her, daddy would be with her and take care of her just as I would. My decision to stay back just ensured that she was more important to me than anything else.
We should let the kids know that we love them and are there for them whenever they want us. Other things come later.
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- Early last year(in 2005), there were a few incidents of child abuse that made life a nightmare for me. Open the newspaper and we get to read of child abuse. It is so complex to explain to child to take care of themselves, but these incidents made me talk to my daughter about being a little careful of the way any’uncle’ or’bhiya’ touch her etc. She did not understand why I was telling her all that.
. but in this era, I think this kind of awareness is the one of the best gifts we can give our daughters.