Today is ‘Father’s’ day! Being myself a father, I use this opportunity to share few of my thoughts with you all. In fact I was planning to cook up a review by tomorrow, but thought let me don’t miss the opportunity as I may have to wait for another year for such a day! Let me choose 5 gifts I would love give to my father as on today!!
I am the desire of my father. He wished to have me and I am here. I am proud of my father and I am sure he was proud of me as well. Now he is no more with me to give all those gifts to him. 5 years back, months after my marriage he left us. I even could not attend the funeral function, as my passport was tied up with the emigration for visa renewal. So, the shake hand he gave me before I left him was the last I had from him. So, what shall I give him now? How he can accept it? I wished I would have loved him more…I wished I should have given all those finest gifts when he was alive…
In an after thought, did he die? Not really. No. He didn’t die. He is living in me and he is living through me. He is hiding in each cell of me with my mother. A father cannot die. He is with us all the moments…any experience I get is his too. I live because of him and he is in me. He has given me the life. I cannot repay anything to him now. But any gift will remain short in front of his willingness to share all he had. Why not me live my life in full, which is full of him? Let this be my first gift to him.
I quote a comment Rohit have mentioned in my review on the mother’s day. “You just reminded me of those 9 months while we were expecting our daughter - the moments we passed with her while she was in womb, I remember I will always keep a hand on my wifey’s tummy just to keep in touch with the baby and now she is in my lap - trying to break off the key board of my laptop as I type this comment.
It feels so great.” It was so touching, especially since I didn’t even get the opportunity for that in the first place as I was here and my wife was in India. I was however, more touched by the helplessness of a father who wanted to feel his baby. A father is less blessed to be in touch with his baby than the mother. No wonder mothers are attached more to their children and vice versa. Father loves his baby as a mother does. My son is my son. He is me and I can identify myself in him. I have to love him from a distance, so are most of the fathers. Their love is considered from brain than heart, which is not true. Having said that, if I can identify myself in my son, why I cannot identify my father in my son? My love to my son is my second gift to my father.
He cut those hot sticks to beat me when I was not studying. Did I get pain out of it? Not really. A day or two removed all the marks, where the knowledge stayed with me. Did I was angry at him? I was at times, but how long it lasted? For a day or two? His love is still with me and the care. Was he friendly to me? Not really, but he was gentle. Did I complete all his ambitions and wishes? Not really. I tried, I succeeded to an extent. He was happy to acknowledge my achievements while strict on my playfulness. I am still trying to fulfill his dreams, which is living through me. Let me make the promise that I will try to complete his dreams let that be my third gift to him.
It is not only me miss him, but my family. More than anybody it is my mother. For her, he was a part of her soul. My brother and sisters too miss him. He cannot come in physical form to console them or take in charge. Let me take the responsibilities left over him. Let me care the family as he would have done in all the ways possible. In a society where relation between father, mother, brother & sister is ending soon after each marriage and settle in their own nests, let me try to consolidate the love as much as possible to live in the family, as I know he will be happy that way. So, let my love & responsibility to my family the fourth gift I gave it to him.
I only left with a gift now. What shall I select? I cannot offer a luxury car or a big house or plenty of land to him as gift. If he would have lived today, I may have strived for it. But he would not require that now. Whatever small things I gave before his death, he was happy to receive and the smile on his face still stored in my mind. The prayers I can offer him will surely reach him, but not sure it will benefit him in anyway. When he lives through us, he can always feel it one way or others, so I will make the prayers for him. But I want something special.
The day he died…the exact moment he died, I was sleeping in utter darkness of my room. In fact I was having a deep sleep. He was hospitalized and I was informed of that. But I didn’t know that it was that serious or life taking. I jumped out of my bed suddenly as a picture of my father’s situation came in all at a sudden to my mind. I was terribly shocked to see him in that bad situation and prayed, if this is the situation, he must be having a lot of pain with him. How can he live like this? It was just few minutes before my brother called me to say he is no more. Was it his saying good bye to me? Later, from the descriptions from my brother the situation was exactly like I got in the picture. Even my mother was not there with him in his last day as they were also not expecting anything serious, and also thanks to the on going ‘Harthal’ or ‘Bandh’ which is part of our day to day life. No, I don’t want to keep the last picture I have in my mind, (which is not taken by any photographs, but my mind…)but I will keep the warmth in his last hand shake in my memories and let that be my Fifth and last gift to him…a good memory of him.
Father’s day wishes for all those who are fathers in MS (I Know there are quite a few). Whether you wish your father today or not is not that much matter, but check for yourself, are you doing the best to give some fine gifts to him which he would have loved to receive? If not, try to do that…make your own personalized choices…as the subject is purely personal. You are the desire of your father & mother. They are responsible for your existence. No amount of love will be sufficient to pay back your debt to them. Live their life in full through you!!!
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This review is dedicated to Rohit(rohitthebest) for those touching comment from the heart of a father...