Come! Come, let us all know our fears! For then, they will not frighten us!
Introduction
Why do teenagers find sex so fascinating? What makes them blind to the horrible consequences of a few moments of cheap thrill? Why are adolescents so insanely driven to the opposite sex? Why doesn’t a’sound’ familial background seem to make too much of a difference? This is an insider’s expose, if you will, on the dynamic of teenage sexual desire.
15 is 5
For those who know, the biggest challenge for the mother of a toddler is his amazing curiosity. He wants everything he sees- the food papa’s eating, the new laundry basket, the jazzy jeep at the toystore. you name it! Curiosity doesn’t die early and it is at its mindnumbing peak at the age of 15- the age when maturity isn’t anything more than just a few bristles under the boy’s nose or a monthly purchase at the medical store for a girl. The tendency of ’wanting what is seen’ doesn’t change. only ’what is seen’ changes. You can raise the alarm bell now!
No is Nothing
It is a very well known principle of child psychology. Children under five find it difficult to understand negatives. You can’t, for instance, stamp out the toddler’s curiosity for the bar in your house by squealing at him everytime he gets near. You can do that by opening it up to reveal how boring its contents really are! Well, adolescents continue to remain impervious to negatives. That is to say: the more vehemently you try to taboo things for them, the more likely they are to have a shot at it, or to want to desperately, without your knowledge! You can’t deny this, can you?
Order Vs. Reason
A little removed from our argument, so far, that adolescents are really blown up toddlers, let us look at the developments in the psychology that do indeed occur. The basic curiosity and the consequent urge to sample the so far unknown now begins to come with another instinct-the want for reason. The earlier quetions of’what is that’ will now come with’why is that’ as well. So now, withholding knowledge is just as bad as passing orders and imposing curfews without a good reason. Of course, the adolescent isn’t capable of understanding all reasons. This brings us to the next point.
Now Is Forever
The biggest and most commonly occuring fault in the adolescent psychology is the inability to resist the urge for instant gratification- then be it of any kind! Teenage has this inherent myopia- a fault of the age and not of the person. It is not very reasonable, therefore, to expect an understanding of the effects of today’s actions in the long run from a teenager. Such thinking can, of course, be taught unto the adolescent but only to a limited extent. Yet, however limited, such thinking sums up to the largest part of the process of maturity. So, now, we begin involving parents into the picture!
We Burn Our Own Boat
I have made a similar point in an earlier review titled’Why do children commit suicide’ and am making the very same point here- trying, of course, to make it several times more direct. Prima facie, parents fail to recognize their teenaged wards as independent individuals in the making. They tend to treat their children as a prestige issue which blinds their vision partially. That is to say- parents find themselves, quite involuntarily, entering into a cycle of denial when it comes to sexual matters. What happens then?
Well, with the prestige issue and the awkward shyness that we inherit from our’culture’ towards a frank discussion of sexual matters on the one hand, and several severe mistakes of raising the child’s curiosity far too much, parents begin to deny the very existence of a problem, while desperately in search for a third’escape route’. The result is madness. Parents become nervous and supremely vulnerable to blackmail. Fuelled by curiosity and the desire to sample the unknown, complete inability to think of the long-term, and the insane urge for immideate gratification, it is an ideal situation for the child to run astray.
Errare Humanum Est
To err is human
Let me clarify my allegations on parents a little. What I mean to say all the while, in saying that parents fail to recognize their children as independent individuals, is, that most parents tend to overlook their ward’s vulnerability to temptation! Their wards are their pride! Beyond making mistakes! The famous statement of trust- ’That is My child! How can he have been immoral and barbaric!’ But that is the escapist’s way of looking at things, to be frank. Teenagers are a bundle of curiosity, daredevilry packed with myopic immaturity! Their age is tender. They are the most likely victims of temptations! And it is absolutely understandable and simply natural!
It is not very difficult to prevent unwanted things from happening. It doesn’t need far too many things! First, parents must accept, to the fullest sense, their wards’ vulnerabiliy to temptation. Second, they must also realize, to the fullest sense, that this weakness is purely out of the inherent defects of the age! One must cast away our shyness and be absolutely frank, yet equally reasonable. Furthermore, it is only effective communication that can solve this problem. Parents must give their wards a feeling of friendly, accomodative and frank comfort and not an impression of being policed upon.
Love is Togetherness
Let us further soften our allegations further by talking the language of love. In doing so, we will involve ourselves with the last line of the previous section. Suppose the parent has indeed learnt to respect the child as an individual- yet he must not forget the fact that this individual is still in the making! With the built in faults of teenage, the ward can not protect himself- it is only a supportive, understanding, accomodative yet vigilant eye of the parent that can! We all know parents live every moment of their lives for their children- let us, very gently, live in such a manner that the child sees it for himself!
Finally
I have tried to be as general in my opinions here as possible. If you agree with me, you will also agree with the fact that the entire review can be a good article on any teenage problem whatsoever!