Mr.Nair’s Review on Sex , Marriages made me think a bit .Instead of presenting what I feel on these matters and thrusting my binary opinion , i thought I can point out the both the ends of rods !!!Having crossed the Teen age and nearing my marriage , i think I can summarise what my teen brothers/sis feel , what elders feel and present a few pointers .
I would like to present few fundamental points which will make you think abt broader perspectives .Please read it completely all the points and then post ur opinions .**I have not given answer to whether Pre-Marital sex is right or not -Not that iam afraid , but I feel this is a subjective one .*
1.At 15 or say 16 , our minds are very fresh .It questions everything , goes ahead with all the energies .At 15 , direction is required.In lot of cases , it is diffuclt to decide what is the most important thing in LIFE at that time .At 16 , the ego rises , the feeling of ’I know -it -all’ and I can do anything .This is basically a brute confidence one has on one-self at that age as the energies are high at that time .This energy needs some direction and vision .This comes from expereinces shared by elders in some way -though not always .
2.Fundamentally , everybody has the right to live how he wants .You cannot thrust some body’s throat and ask him to live in a particular way .Normally I have seen , elders give advises .But when they give , they mix what has happened in their life , what they fear and they thrust the same to the Teen .But inspite of all this , in my expereince I have found that, after removing their ’fears’ , ’subjectivness’from what they advise , there is always some fundamental truth in what they say .I did find what they advised to be meaningless and narrow minded in my Teens but after 6-7 years , i feel the fundamental truth behind them was correct .
- .In matters of sex , if you expereince sex the happiness you get out of it will bias your opinion at young age heavily .Sex , no doubt has lot of excitment , energy associated with it .It has lot of power -Infact any happiness has lot of power behind that .
But sex with no foundation of relationship has no values .A best exercise may be to think of two lives .A life with a relationship with sex and life with sex but no relationships .If we close our eyes , let our imagination run much as possible to every detail of both the lives , you will feel the one with relationship has more power , value , completedness and peaceful .Because fundamentally all the values in Life comes from GIVE AND TAKE and that is possible only in relationships .
4.Shifting back again , i feel our elders have to recognise change .Our society is changing , continously changing .How it was in 1900 , is different from 1950 s.There will be few differences , like dating , love may come into our Indian Lives .We have to accept them , but not lose our values and direction .
There is no right age for dating /sex /love -
The ony question you would like to ask your self is whether you are ready for a relationship and you r aready to share and learn to love some body .In my expereince , i have found at teen , its most likely that we love out of energy we have , we tend to look for ’GIVE LOVE ’ to me than ’ TAKE Love ’ from me .Because its nice to have a partner with us , it compells us to fall into that without considering all other factors .
Plus you can consider the social factors, Peer pressure .
In matters of Pre-Marital Sex , Love , dating - I would suggest these things to my fellow teen brothers and sis and parents .
1.You have very right to do what you want .But please know for sure that you need not learn things in life by expereincing few things , getting hurt and then learning from them .You can learn from some elders , other’s expereinces too !!!
2.Secondly -Please imagine how your life is going to be with pre-marital sex , One night Stands , loose morals .Not just from happiness point of view , but from all point of view - Namely your career , your relations with friends , with parents and above all the value you feel in LIFE .
3.My dear elders - Just give some space to them .Give them some directions and wait for them to learn .Mistakes they make are powerful learning guides .As a parent , i can understand your feeling of your son getting into bad habits .But wait for some time , he will come back , if your direction is correct and ur communication of his lack of vision in his life is correct .In my experience , its ONLY THE LACK OF VISION , DIRECTION, PROPER IMAGINATION that causes all the problems
I don’t want to blame teens -They Need DIRECTION , not just advises .They need examples to see , understand .Also , believe that they are also learning LIFE in their own ways -It takes some mistakes , hurt feelings , happiness and all to understand LIFE .SO give them some space and TIME .Give them your love , time to them -thats what they need .Please believe , they will recognize ur love, that may take some time , even few years to understand that !!!!!
FInally , i condemn MOUTHSHUT admin for allowing to post sex related topics and allowing everybody to access .Sex is a nice topic after some age-every and and woman should read it at an appropriate age .When you want to discuss it for teens , the format and presentation has to be different .You cannot discuss sex in the same way to guy who is gonna getting married and a guy who hasnt finished his 10 th standard exams !!