The stadium is packed to capacity. Even the black tickets vanish fast. Inside the ring, amidst the maddening chaos of shrieks of fans, the enthusiastic holler of the commentators and the blaring music from the rusty speakers I get ready for the free-style brawl - a dirty, no-holds-barred battle of 4 rounds.
My opponent* - Fear Tyson.sorry.I dunno his last name. My gloves fit perfectly & my teeth has been well armoured with the safety braces. I eye my enemy. He has been invisible so far. Should I really screw my life taking on this heavy-weight? The bell rings, too late now. yaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Fear and I give out a wild, animalistic cry and charge at each other. Before I can brace myself, we slam onto each other, the air reverberating with the sickening sound of collision.
True incidents -
Round 1
I hardly ate supper that night. Hours earlier, in that cold afternoon, I became the 1st student in the history of ABC college(name changed) to refuse submitting myself to ragging from the seniors. Well, the’hero’ obviously faced the repurcussions of his villains. The refusal resulted in an ugly fist & kick fight, they(a pack of MA English devils) vs. a thin, arrogant 11th std bachcha(kid) like me. Before they could turn me into an injured pulp, I was dragged out by sensible buddies nearby and escorted away.
Now, here I am sitting on my bed, my mood grim & my mind imagining the worst-case scenario - what if they come to the college tommorow with daggers & hockey sticks? I dont want to die, I want to finish college. So, I never went back and I never sought help. Yes, I quit & joined another college.
Fear jumps up in ecstasy while I lay on the ground, dazed by his furious punches. The bell rings.
Fear-1 and Manoj-0
Round 2
My parents and I were strolling amidst the lush fields of Palakkad. Our car was a furlong away. Impatient, I changed direction and walked alone by a narrow lane which would reach the car faster. I knew that the lane was the kingdom of an unfriendly pet dog belonging to one of the houses that lined either sides of the path. Well aware of the risks, I was scared but moved ahead anyway. Big mistake. There he was, right in middle of my way and.growling. Too late, I cannot turn back without provoking him. Suddenly wise words of somebody raced by my medulla oblongata - when a dog goes mad, don’t move & don’t stare.
I stood stiff as if rooted to the spot and gazed into the horizon. Uh-oh, the canine’s heart didn’t seem to budge by my white-flag. Merciless, it moved forward, the growling maintaining it’s tone. I still didn’t eye him but was aware of his form approaching. An inch away from me, he became quiet and sniffed at my feet. After a pause, it trotted away. Phew!
A timely blow by my lethal leg to his temple sends Fear sprawling to the corner. Yes, I did it. The bell rings.
Fear-1 and Manoj-1
Round 3
It was nearly 2:20am. Even today, I’m unable to explain why I woke up from sleep at that time. Turning in bed, I was greeted with a horrifying sight. A hand with a wrist as thick as a bear’s was silently grabbing my purse which was nearby. The chill that shot across my nerves is unexplainable. I was paralysed with fear. Finally, my terror-stricken voice managed to respond, ’ssssSSSHHH, SSSHHHH’! Here was a thief getting away with my beautiful leather purse and all I could manage was squeak?! He slipped away. We never caught him.
He had more backbone and strength than I thought. Encircling my waist with his mammoth arms, Fear grabs me into a choking tight bear-hug. I struggle & twist gasping for air. The refree blows the whistle.
Damn! He had me again.
Fear-2 and Manoj-1
Round 4
I was hopelessly in love with this girl. My heart was pounding so loudly like a starved prisoner banging his handcuffs to the wall to break free from the iron shackles. Six times I picked up the phone and put it down again - I just couldn’t muster the courage. So many doubts and’what-ifs’ running in my helpless mind. Atlast I bit my tongue and lashed out, Now or never!. I did it. No, I didn’t make the phone call but sent a simple & direct SMS instead. The long gap(1 hour to be exact) between my stimulus(SMS) and her response was outright crucifying. A mind-blowing torture! She didn’t send back a SMS but met me at the office later. She came very close, and with a sweet smile and like the touch of a lotus to the cheek replied, ’No’. My heart sank miserably but my spirit arose victorious. Atleast I tried.
Like a blood-stained, energy-drained warrior, I scream a last cry of anger and hurl my knucles to his ribs. I hear the crack of sternum. For a moment, he stumbles. Taking the chance, I ram my head into his lower stomach. He falls hard to the ground. The referee gives a long blow to his whistle. There is a collective loud sighs of disappointment among the spectators. The match is over. Its a draw, no champion.
Fear-2 and Manoj-2
What have I learnt in my battles with Fear?
Round 1 - It was unwise of me to have tackled this fear alone. If I had sought the counsel of my parents and the administrators of the college, I wouldn’t have withdrawn from the situation meekly as a lamb.
Round 2 - I had the option of choosing a safer route. Yes, I managed my fear successfully but I learnt to ask myself a more important question - Is it really worth it for me to tackle the fear infront of me or should I back off and try another way?
Round 3 - The situation was new and unexpected to me. Nevertheless, I learnt to take precautions(No.1 Close windows at night). I am not overtly alert but not careless either. So, some lessons learnt
Round 4 - I faced my fear bravely, and came out feeling like an idiot. But a satisfied idiot at that. Looking back, I feel proud of the initiative I took. An awkward one it was, but a step forward anyway. Atleast now I know her true feelings. That was a huge relief.
Today, I think twice before I tackle any fears of mine. I may go ahead or I will back-off.
But what I do know is this - if I tackle and if I lose, I still win because I will gain some lessons from it that enriches my life.