The following is not actually Dealing With Severe Illness, it has similar and traumatic effects upon the’survivors’ as does a terminal or severe illness. The survivors must begin to think of coping with their loss. In the case of the story which follows, the family must deal with the’living’ member of the family until they are legally and official declared no longer’able to live on their own’. Then, they must learn to cope with getting over the finality of the loved one’s passing.
Sometimes we lose someone before they’re legally declared dead. In many ways, this is even harder, in that they are still here, but do not function as though they were. To add to that, if they should happen to pass from us, it seems we’ve lost them twice.
That is the hardest burden to bear if we are unfortunate enough to have a loved one between consciousness and coma. If their life support systems(their breathing apparatus and feeding tubes) are removed, and they are unable to continue on their own, unassisted by artificial means, they will not survive.
While remembering my grandparents - both of whom were close and dear to my heart and were more my parents than grandparents - my reverie was interrupted by a news story. This caused me to realize a very different kind of grief.
The issue was the right to die or mercy killing? It appears the husband and father of three had been bound to hospital room and life support for more than three years. His wife wanted to remove him from the machines which mechanically kept him ’alive’ and even stated he had requested he not be allowed to exist in this manner if he was ever injured and could not make this decision himself.
End of story? Not quite. You see, said husband’s mother believed that if her son were not removed from these machines, he might yet, even after three years with no changes, make a full recovery. She stated there had been others who had done so, and they had been in complete comas, whereas her son was not.
The wife believed that her husband(who it was determined suffered severe, irreversible brain damage) would never recover and that he might even be suffering. She believed the only thing she could do for him would be to allow him the right to die with dignity. as he had requested.
Her mother-in-law thought her son’s wife was contemplating a mercy killing and blocked her daughter-in-law’s efforts to remove the life support. She has been supported by various groups, including a Disabled Rights group.
The wife and their three children feel they cannot go on with their lives as long as their husband and father lies suffering and in limbo. His family must feel as though they grieve his death each and every day of their lives since it’s happened.
Suddenly, I could only feel relief that my loved ones did not suffer as this poor man. Neither did our family suffer as does this man’s family. My heart went out to them. And, I realized, there are infinitely more difficulties in watching the helplessness or the prolonged suffering of someone you love than in bidding them a bitter sweet good-bye on their journey to a well-earned rest.