Dear Neena,
I am happy as well as sad to write this letter to you. Sad because this will be my last letter as husband; happy since you finally agreed to forget the compensation demand from the divorce petition. As per the divorce agreement, my dear Neena, I have found three suitable boys for you.
The first guy is Naren (who looks like your favorite hero, Ajay Devgan), a credit officer for the famous IDC bank who have already signed for divorce from his journalist wife. They had a child. Don’t worry, the mother will now take care of her. You may ignore his latest crush on a bubbly June Pinto (who coincidently has the same face of Shazahan Padamsee, our neighbour). You don’t have to take their relationship seriously where she was only 3 years when Naren has lost his V. And Neena, you should watch the way this ’June kitten generation’ celebrate losing their Vs and don’t tell me you don’t know what they meant by V. Since you are a poet I will give a better narration of Naren’s character. He is more like our Financial institutions. His wife is like our Media. Suppose together they had a baby called India’s hope. Think of the fate of the baby in the old environment and now. The financial institutions like LIC and Banks choose to be like the western Vampires who drink blood of the innocence, instead of supporting the country and its causes. The media which were suppose to spread the right values and correcting the institutions when they go wrong forget their duties. Rightly they asked, ’from when Doordarsan gone to the MTV style’? This is the kind of family to which the bright child (How I wish we had a child! He/she would have saved our relation...but now what use?) I hope by now you have a clear idea of Naren.
The second guy is Abhay. His character is very much like the one of Emran Hashmi on screen. I wonder whether such characters exist in real world. Anyways, he is a typical playboy. Oh no, the film gives a bit more naughty name, Toy Boy. You will wonder the easiness with which he gets calls from ’fashion’ and ’society’ ladies. I don’t know how far you can get along with this guy, but out of the three he has shown a clear sign of getting to the right path. Pardon this Toy Boy for sleeping with the hottie step mother who looks like Tisca Chopra for money while falls in love with the step daughter beauty looks like Shruthi Hassan attempting to be an Aishwarya Rai. This poor guy didn’t even think that the young daughter means theory and practical when she said she love to watch pornography. Poor guy!!
The third guy is Milind (You will be reminded of Omi Vaidya), a very good poet. He is working with Shaadi.Com and got a good career there. In fact he falls in love with the famous RJ, Gunjan (Shradda Das look alike) who go after fame. This Milind is a good at heart guy but he is blind in love. He don’t realise that this Chaloo Gunjan is using him as a stepping stone for her convenience. She, like our politicians cheat on the dearest of emotions. They hide their hideous intentions under the cover of an artificial smiles and their woman feed the children from silicon pads. If you assume the Milind guy to the literature of our country, he correctly gives us the state of literature with a lot of knowledge but nil of wisdom. I am introducing him since he is a poet and you people had something in common to work with.
Out of the three guys, Neena, I think I will prefer Naren for you. He is as talented as your favorite hero Ajay Devgan. He did complete justice to the comedy life he had in hand with easiness. For Abhay he was just the typical Emran Hashmi; Nothing more nothing less. The Milind guy too is very good though not exactly like Omi Vaidya of 3 Idiots. I hope you will find Naren interesting. Happy marriage life Neena!
Now, from the ladies I described, whom do you think will suite me? In fact I liked the June Pinto girl she is so cute with her please pleases and thank thank yous. I didn’t like the Gunjan Girl character. The daughter and mother, Neena, both of them are too sexy for me and be the better judge for me.
Neena, I forgot to tell you. I met your favorite director Madhur Bhandarkar yesterday. I told him that you are his greatest fan and you liked films like Chandni Bar, Fashion, Traffic Signal, Corporate & Jail. He invited me for his latest movie, Dil Toh Bacchha Hai Ji and we watch it together. In fact you will not believe Neena that it is a Madhur Movie. So different! Madhur later clarified to me that he thought of making a movie which the masses can be enjoyed it for light entertainment where the serious movie lovers can have their share as well. In the beginning the pace of the movie is very slow. Slow but steady Madhur succeed in keeping the interest with each passing scene which is filled with comedy, forced or otherwise and no wonder the film is a good entertainer. However, I expressed my concern after watching the movie. The movie somehow failed to project the serious side of it. While the director successfully tried to provide look alikes of Aishwarya Rai, Sunil Gavaskar, Priyadarsan...the seriousness got diluted where the larger concept was little ignored. Also the film was let down heavily by the climax which made the entire exercise a directionless arrow. Screen play was good where the dialogues were witty. A little extra of ’growing middle life crisis’ got the film A certificate, otherwise the film was almost neat.
I have to warn you Neena, you should not go near the cinematographer of the movie. In some of the scenes the cinematographer concentrates on the lower half of people than the top half. In fact Madhur had a huge laugh on it and told me that he specifically instructed so to show the way we look at things. Anyways, I said I will only give a just pass to the cinematography and editing. There is no much promise for you from the film’s songs as well Neena, except for the shayarees. And the choreography is equally not impressive.
We are now to the last para of this parting letter and let me thank you for the wonderful days we had together. You, my first love and first wife, let me wish that you remain my first choice of love and wife in next 7 lives as well - so that I get an easy divorce in those lives as well. You see! Some people like me and you never change. We are typical Indians who love only films, cricket and marriages. We look at things but will not see, we listen but will not understand. We change for wrong and will not revert the change even if it is bad. To bring light in the house we burn the registration papers of the land like you did on the day of our decision to part. Why we think about future where we don’t have children. And some stupid guy was telling me yesterday that to have children man and woman should union in love. Fool I said and you still cry for an unborn baby!
Let me remain this letter with tears of happiness and sorrow, for I will give a 3.25 stars for our Happy Sad marriage life.
Your First husband,
Hiten