Doordarshan has had it quite good these days. The fight between the big boys of sports like ESPN and Sony is going on, and the biggest piece of the pie is going to Doordarshan without having to do any work. Whenever any parent is in a position of power, the children can be spoilt as much as you want to, without having to answer any questions. So, Doordarshan forces on us cricket lovers its pre- and post-game analysis show, aptly called ---’’Fair and Lovely Fourth Empire’’
What a name!! What a sponsor for a cricket programme!! dont believe anywhere in the world, any sport that is played by males only, and with predominantly male viewers, has a fairness cream as a principal sponsor. But then, this is India...and Doordarshan.
The crew of the programme-- Mr. Charu Sharma-- Suffering from a severe Harsha Bhogle complex, Messrs Amarnath and Shreekant-- suffering from a hangover of their playing days--- and a female screensaver sitting besides them to make all the right noises. Recently, this female is the only tolerable part of the programme- as Anjum Chopra, ex-cricketer has been brought into the show. The previous anchor, some Roshni had the job of giggling at what Charu Sharma had to say, and allow him to spend some airtime while flirting---and mentioning ’’OOO, Whatever You All Guys sayyyy, INDIA will win the match...My heart tells me sooo... Rahul is so cute!!!’’
I am a follower of Indian cricket since I started to understand, and most of the mathematics I learnt was by calculating the averages required and the strike rates of the batsmen. I have seen these ex-cricketers batting and fielding. Though I have utmost respect for them as players, esp. Mohinder Amarnath, they too failed many times in their playing days. Now when they analyse the state of Indian cricket after one loss, every player, every failure is criticised so much that it gets on the nerves. Common guys, chill out-- it is just another game; the other team has not come to just make up the numbers.
Worst part about the programme is the way Mr. Shrikant keeps shouting about the smallest incident. His calling of the Harbhajan ’doosra’ as the ’ulta’ had me in splits for a long while. I want to call on their phone-in programme once, just so that I can make him shout by speaking very softly-- HULLLOOO, HULLLOOOO, ZARA ZOR SE BOLENGE-- He will bellow and I will laugh.
Doordarshan has also the knack of cutting of the on-the-field commentators just when they reach the most important part.
Charu--’’Let us go to Robin Jackman who is at the ground, to tell us about the latest rain situation.
Robin- ’’The rains have just stopped and the Umpires are going to conduct a check of the outfield at around..’’’’’’’’ CUT CUT
Charu-- Thank You Robin.
Such programmes are kept by god to remind us that Life is not all a bed of roses, and we must learn to live with the thorns. They have a deep spiritual significance, and learn to help you grow....
Also, If you miss an episode of ’’Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai’’, your next dose of laughter can come from this very entertaining programme, if you are adept in reading between the lines.
So, ladies and gentlemen, dont forget to tune in to ’’Fair and Lovely Fourth Umpire’’ at 2 pm on the 25th of November......
P.S: Please write about the Hi Handsome Hi Handsome commercial in the breaks that I am sure you will love.
Please dont take my ratings about cast performance and plot details seriously...