After having broken up with my girlfriend because of Salman Khan (refer my review on’Juice’), and then having carried on with a cellular phone (refer my review on ma belle, a Nokia 3350), I decided that enough was enough. A comment from Karan(karana23) set me thinking whether a human girlfriend would show more emotions and moods than my cell phone and after a lot of deliberation, I realised that Karan had hit the nail on the head and a lump was being formed. Not a lump on my head, but in my throat. I was missing having a human girlfriend! Crying more than everyone in K3G put together, I confessed to my cellular phone that I had decided to leave her and go in for a human girlfriend.’Pachtayega, human girls are inhuman, ’ sermonised my 3350. But then, do I ever listen?
Matrimonial columns returned my photographs saying that they didn’t want to waste precious space, and I decided that since looking out for a girl is hard work, I would be better off going back to my Nokia 3350. Just Rs. 525/- for a month worth of dates, you see! And then I saw her .
Don’t ask me whether it was love or lust, all I knew was that I wanted her . by hook or by what I’m best at! After an introduction from a common friend, we got talking. K-k-k-k-k-k-k-Kiran . The good, ol’ days of’Darr’ were back, and this time there was no Sunny Deol screaming’Bharat mata ki jai’ at the top of his lungs! When she told me that she loved music, I decided to woo her with a song. When I suggested to her that I was going to contribute to the noise poluution, she looked at me horrified.’No, please! I’ve just eaten food, ’ she pleaded. As she tried running away from me, I pleaded her to hear me out once.’K-k-k-k-k-Kiran, suno na!’ Realising that I had an opportunity to sing an SRK song for someone called K-k-k-k-k-Kiran, I crooned, ’Suno na, suno na, sun lo naa .’ THWAK!
No, Aadesh Shrivastav’s music doesn’t have a dash of heavy metal during the song . Kiran touched me for the first time ever. As MTV calls it, ’One Tight Slap!’
Now, the advantage of being a son of a journalist is that one can get to meet various celebrities! To my dad’s surprise, I requested him to introduce me to neither King Khan, SRK, nor the er . object of my dreams, K-k-k-k-k-Kareena Kapoor.’Yash Tonk who?’ he asked me, with a puzzled expression.’G.S. of Spencer College, the Love Guru, ’ I said.
’Paanch nahin sirf dus dinon mein tera kaam ho jayega beta, bol kya hua’ I was at the Barista near Mr. Tonk’s apartment, seeking help over not K-k-k-k-k-Kareena, but K-k-k-k-k-Kiran. He heard me out and stared at me, ’Well, I can make things work out, you know, you should sing her something better.’’Better as in .?’ I asked.’Well, ’ he said, ’firstly be thankful that you sang Suno Na and not Tun Tun Tunak Nama Nama, which derives its lyrics from an obsolete village near Jhumritalaya.’ On saying this, he suggested that I should sing her the five most romantic English songs of all time. So let’s listen to them!:
Everythin’ I Do - Bryan Adams.
’Look into my heart - you will find, There’s nothin’ there to hide, Take me as I am - take my life, I would give it all - I would sacrifice, Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for, I can’t help it - there’s nothin’ I want more, Ya know it’s true, Everything I do - I do it for you.’
I had a hard time deciding my favourite lyrics from the king of romantic songs because the entire song is lyrically beautiful. No unnecessary complex poetry, no Bollywood promises of’breaking the moon and bringing it’, just pure, heart-felt love. And who better than Bryan Adams to sing the beautiful lines, studded with beautiful guitaring! A true gem.
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Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman - Bryan Adams.
’To really love a woman, To understand her you gotta know, Her deep inside, Hear every thought see every dream, N’ give her wings when she wants to fly, Then when you find yourself lyin’, Helpless in her arms, Ya know ya really love a woman.’
B.A. which means Bryan Adams and Not Bruce Almighty comes on the charts once again with this song from the movie, ’Don Juan De Marco’. Soulful lyrics, great guitaring riffs and Bryan Adams . need anything else?
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Iris - Goo Goo Dolls.
’When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.’
’Goo Goo?! You kiddin’?’ The band’s name attracted my attention, and considering that this song is a favourite of my ex-favourite(sigh!), I had to hear it once. Once, did I say. Correction, once every hour. If love is ever at first sound, this is it.
’You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be, And I don’t want to go home right now.’
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Words - Boyzone.
’It’s only words, And words are all I have, To take your heart away’
Immortal words from an immortal song by an immortal band, the Bee Gees. I prefer the Boyzone version purely because I heard it first.
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Romeo & Juliet - Dire Straits.
’You and me, babe. How about it?’
Romance is not always about beautiful, silken voices with an orchestra playing in the background. Sometimes, gruff and raw vocals of say a Lucky Ali or a Mark Knopfler are enough. Add to that Knopfler’s guitaring and Voila! You have an all-time classic!
I can’t do the talk like they talk on TV, And I can’t do a love song like the way it’s meant to be, I can’t do everything but I’d do anything for you, I can’t do anything except be in love with you
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’Arre, iski kya zaroorat thi?’ exclaimed the Love Guru, when I paid the Barista bill for him. I decided to try out my luck straight away. Using my ex-girlfriend(my cell), I called up K-k-k-k-Kiran, who after a lot of persuasion, agreed to listen. Over the cell, I sang the five songs, one afer the other. After 26 minutes and 16 seconds, when I finished the final song, I heard a voice say, ’ You have no more balance left, your call will be terminated.’
’Maa Thuri’, I said, ’Lagta hai mujhe sadak pe katora leke khada rehna padega!’ I imagined myself standing on the street in rags, singing’Hum kadke hain to kya hua dilwale hain.’ As I imagined the worst, my cell rang. Incoming free, you know!’Hello, K-k-k-k-k-Kiran . haan mein, magar woh, sunoh toh, tumne toh, lekin mein, kab se ki!’ You guessed it. I got myself into deep trouble. In other words, I got myself a girlfriend!
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Were the songs good enough for K-k-k-k-k-Kiran to not slap me again? Comments are awaited!