By no means am I a Bollywood connoisseur. I watch a precious few so-called hit movies a year, and that’s that. But despite my sadly lacking filmi knowledge, I must admit that, while there are some excellent Bollywood actresses, there are some truly terrible ones as well. As the saying goes: When they’re good, they’re really good, but when they’re bad...well...I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. Here, according to me, are the five worst actresses in Bollywood.
Keep in mind that these names are pretty mainstream - I don’t have much of an experience in this field. Barring a few on this list, everyone else just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m sure there are several other horrible actresses...but for now, this will do.
1. Surprise, surprise: Kareena Kapoor
Or wait, is that Kareina Kapoor? First of all, do people really think that changing the spelling of your name or movie will change your fate and popularity? If Ms. Kapoor thinks so, she really should change her name drastically. Perhaps something like ’Bimbo’ would be particularly lucky for her film career. Too harsh? Never harsh enough for her.
Not only does she have NO idea how to act, but she thinks she’s on top of the world. Really, Kareena, an overinflated ego does not do wonders for your image. Someone slap her, quick. Give her a dose of modesty and humility for a change.
Newcomers to the filmi scene have great potential - they can make it or blow it. Kareena definitely blew it. Her unnecessary remarks and petty quarrels with various actresses and directors is exasperating. Calling Bipasha Basu a black cat because of the colour of her skin? Calling Sanjay Leela Bhansali a ’confused director’ because he refused to cast her as Paro? Really, Kareena. You’re not doing yourself any favours. If ever there was a person so rude, immature, petty, bitchy, and untalented - it is you.
Since I can’t seem to stop ranting, I must go on. Let’s look at her acting skills (or the lack thereof). Kareena tries to compensate for sadly lacking skills by attempting to blind moviegoers with cleavage and navel shots. Okay, so maybe you can blame the costume designer. But isn’t it much more fun to blame her? Her character ’Poo’, for example - I couldn’t help but feel that Karan Johar had Kareena in mind when he wrote this role. Poo is every bit as self-centered, egotistical, and snobby as Kareena is. Of course, Poo undergoes a transformation towards the end - but that’s too much to hope for in Kareena’s case.
Okay. Attitude, personality, costumes aside - she just can’t act! She has five or six motions that she uses repeatedly - that snicker, that neck bobbing gesture, that hand flick - argh. She tries to imitate other actresses, and falls flat on her face doing it. When she cries during a role - I cringe in embarrassment. A baby cries better than her.
Okay, someone stop me now.
2. Ms. I’m All That: Amisha Patel
She can’t act, simple as that. Or rather, she could if she would tone it down a bit. Amisha has a serious overacting problem. When she cries, it’s as if the floodgates have opened. And, as someone mentioned before, she sucks her neck in, so that you can count every single bone in it. A word of advice: a bony neck does not a beauty make.
When she laughs, she laughs so unconvincingly that I want to stuff something in her mouth. Her role in Gadar, however acclaimed, was overdone. Why does she act as if every little motion is such a big deal? Give some credit to moviegoers, we’re not so terribly stupid as to not understand the simplest of emotions. There is no need to slowly, deliberately go through the motions.
3. Wooden Doll: Esha Deol
Does this woman have any emotions? If she does, she keeps them under wraps. I saw one movie of hers and hated it. She made it b-o-o-o-r-i-n-g, period. Instead of waiting around for the perfect role to come to you, Esha, I suggest that you try your best in the present roles instead. Smiling once in a while will not kill you. You have eyes. Use them, not just to sulk at the screen through the entire movie, but to show some emotion.
Now, Esha, I have never been in love, but one of your roles - that of a young college girl in love, was terribly played. Seriously, she looked as though she’d rather walk on burning coals or jump from a mountaintop than dance around and pretend to be in love with the guy. If this is all the energy she brings to her films, I don’t want to watch any more.
My dog has more facial expressions than her. Harsh, but true.
4. No Comment: Sonali Bendre
Having had the misfortune of watching her in a few movies, I’ve come to the conclusion that she can’t act either. Join the club, Sonali. She’s pretty enough and could probably mold into different roles well enough - if only she would TRY! She brings the same look-at-me-I’m-so-innocent look to every movie of hers, and frankly, it’s getting old.
Fortunately for me and my eyes, she doesn’t seem to be very prolific. I don’t know why I’m writing about her in a list of mostly big-name actresses, but she deserves to be here: not for bad acting, but for not acting at all.
5. Wooden doll #2: Sushmita Sen
Yes, she may have been Ms. Universe, but that was a long time ago. I wonder why most Ms. Universe’s end up in Bollywood when they could do so much more - like help world peace. Ha.
Anyway, Ms. Sen can’t act. She can look pretty, but not act. More often than not, she looks as though she’s just reading off a prompter - she has no passion for her role. I find her movies really dull, and avoid them as much as possible.
Conclusion
So there you have it. The five worst actresses, in my opinion. Of course, after #1, the rest seem not-so-bad, don’t they? These are all really beautiful women who could have sizzling careers...but not in Bollywood. Of course, Kareena, with her attitude, can forget about a career altogether. I’ll say no more on that.
Comments and criticisms always welcome,