How could I let this wonderful opportunity pass by - criticizing the worst actresses of Bollywood in print (five are too less so I’ve taken the liberty of adding many, many more)! So, even though I am the 58th person to air my views here, do read on -
Worst Actress Quiz (for all Bollywood aficionados)
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1) You come out of the theater after seeing an Aishwarya Rai movie. What are your immediate thoughts?
a) Was that Aishwarya or her wax model at Tussaud’s in the movie?
b) You are mad because you had fallen asleep peacefully but Ash’s shrieking giggles/rants woke you up
c) You are mad because you stayed awake throughout the movie, so have a terrible headache and cannot bear to think anymore
2) You are watching an item number being done by any of the following - Shilpa Shetty, Shamita Shetty, Yana Gupta, Mamata Kulkarni(yeah...blast from the past), etc, etc. What are you thinking?
a) Ok, its good that they are sticking to dance and sparing us the histrionics
b) You long for the good old days when Helen(the original item girl) could look hot and act!
c) You are too busy figuring out the intricacies of the heroine’s costume to think about anything else
3) A new movie starring a star-kid/star-sibling has been released. You think -
a) Twinkle and Rinki (why isnt it Twinkle n Rinkle or Twinki n Rinki?), should be put on a rocket and shot into space
b) Esha Deol should be put on a rocket and shot into space, so as to prevent her younger sis from ever entering Bollywood
c) Karishma and Kareena should be put on a rocket and shot into space, with Manish Malhotra for company
d) (An extra choice here for the very special Pratibha Sinha - does anyone remember her?)
Pratibha Sinha should be shot. Period.
4) Lets get nostalgic - You rent an oldie movie which stars either Babita/ Nanda/ Priya Rajvansh /Mala Sinha/Meena Kumari etc. Your thoughts -
a) Why does this movie have 2 heroes and no heroines?
b) Do they play these movies at acting workshops? Chapter 11 - What not to do.
c) You are eternally grateful to Priya, Meena and Nanda for not making it worse by sending off their kids to join Bollywood.
5) You are caught up in one of those Ma-Beta emotional scenes and the Ma is played by Nirupa Roy/ Rakhi/ Aruna Irani. You think -
a) What if my Mom had raised me with the sole purpose of vanquishing her enemies, wouldn’t that be fun?
b) Did Nirupa Roy get a lot of calls from eye surgeons after her free treatment at the
temple?
c) You are so psyched with all the over-the-top melodrama that you need reassurance from your Mom that she is normal and fine.
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Doesn’t matter what you selected, it all points to the same thing - Most Bollywood actresses are godawful!... :)