Last weekend I was feeling like the typical Bollywood villain of the 70s/80s who would survive on the three basic tenets of Sharaab, Shabaab and Kebaab. For most of us Shabaab gets banned after marriage and sharaab gets regulated, leaving kebaab as the only source of joy in this otherwise cruel and joyless world. Not that this is a bad thing. Mind you the British had more fun spelling Kebabs than some most of us will ever have eating them. Kebab, Kebaab, Kabab, Kabob, Kebob, Cabob... god knows what else.
And so it was that this Nabob of Kabob who had feasted everyday on Lucknavi Kabobs for 4 years got this itch to revisit the old days. Normally my favorite haunt for Kabobs in Kolkata is a place called Charcoal Grill (near Park Circus) but this time I was in no mood to go that far and the wife wanted to try a Restaurant nearer home. So we decided to go down to Flame & Grill in Mani Square for a Kabob feast.
I had intended to order a large platter of kebabs, to be followed by a modest meal but I was told in a most unapologetic fashion that they werent offering anything a la carte. Buffet was the only option. Buffet is just another name for a bit of various nothings. But with the option of a la carte out of the way, I didnt have a choice. A couple who had entered alongwith us had been very fast in ordering and had gone as far as having the grill installed and the first batch of kebobs served when all of a sudden a confounded confusion ensued and they walked out, apparently after learning that this was a Buffet ! We however chew our lips, looked around for a while and decided to go for the Buffet.
Now came the worst part. We asked for the menu card but the waiter started rambling the menu verbally instead. We insisted that we needed to see a card before we could confirm our order. After a lot of dilly-dallying they got us the card. The menu didnt look as bad as some of the others I had had, but no mention of the prices. So I took a verbal confirmation on the charges and ordered. Immediately he grabbed the card and started to rush. We needed to deliberate on the card in order to decide what to concentrate on and what to bypass. But no he had only one card and he took it ! Anyways soon the fare started.
The Appetisers
This was what I had come here for and honestly I wasnt impressed. The guys had a selection of 5 appetisers each for vegetarians and non vegetarians. For Vegetarians they had Paneer tikka, Shaslik kebab, Crispy Baby Corn, Baked potatoes and Chat pakoda (or something, cant recall the name). Funny thing was they served paneer tikka and crispy baby corn and kept coming back with more of the baby corn. The Paneer Tikka was just paneer dipped in a bit if masala curry and stuck to the skewer, in other words rather undercooked. The babycorn itself is such a trite dish nowadays that you expect a minimal quality even in small time restaurants. Here it was like babycorn pakoda that your neighbour would cook on a rainy day and send it to you after her husband had refused to eat it ! We had to speak to the waiter at least 5 times before he could get us the other veg appetisers (which I believe he didnt even serve to the other parties). This spoilt our mood to say the least. Same story with the other veg appetisers. My wife who’ s a veggie hardly ate anything :-(
Meanwhile my teeth were working overtime on prawn tandoori. They also offered Mutton Seek Kebob, chicken kabob, fish kabob and chicken kabob with bones. Frankly none of them were any good, except the boneless chicken kabob which was kinda passable. I has some 7-8 skewers before calling it quits.
Main Course
After a rather heavy appetiser round, I hardly ate a couple of spoonfuls of biryani supported by some chicken and corn palak curry. I am such spinach freak that I can eat even a badly cooked spinach dish. But these guys had made it so bad that even I was having trouble gulping it down. They offered Mutton Curry, Prawn Curry (in curd or something) which I didnt even touch.
Thankfully the vegetarians had a few choices to fall back upon and I could finally see my wife eating something afterall. In the veg section, apart from corn palak curry they had paneer makhani, bhindi do pyaaza, tawa veg and aloo zeera; out of which the bhindi do pyaaza and tawa veg were good I take it.
Desserts - I have a sweet tooth so this is one part of any meal that I always look forward to. In some ways this was the saving grace of F&G. They offered choice of 4 ice creams (vanilla, strawberry, chocolate and butterscotch), Gulab Jamuns, Rasogollas, choice of 3 mousses (lemon, vanilla and strawberry), pastry cubes and brownies. Now some of this choice was deceptive in the sense that :-
(1) The ice creams were a local brand (probably Rollick or something) and were more icy than creamy.
(2) The Brownies were really more like chocolate muffins with very low chocolate content
(3) The pastry cubes were most ordinary
We made most of what we had and got our money’s worth watching other people devour plate after plate of Rasogullas. I know its rude to do that but we tried to find happiness at other tables when we couldnt find it at ours. We came out 1400 bucks lighter (including taxes and tips); ...
.....no sharaab, no shabaab, very little of kebaab, only dimaag kharaab..!