Statutory Warning The contents of this article may seem offensive to members of Feminist Activist Groups, ’Mahila Sanghattans’ or affiliates of conservative or communist factions(and also to the’house wifey’ comrades of meshy_Nazis who think women clad in’ pallus’ with a bindi on the forehead deserve a higher footing than a girl holding a fag). Most of the incidents and characters stated in the write up are purely fictious and do not bare any analogy to persons living or dead.(You don’t believe me. Do you? Neither Do I.)
Buzz: *Comeon Simm. We are getting late for the party.
Simm:* Hold on Buzz. gimme a min.
Buzz(Thinkin’ to himself): Damn. Women.
Simm pops out of the bathroom.looking pretty self-assured of her make-up tonight.
Buzz(astonished):* Hey Simm. Whazz up with this green lip-color.
Simm(cheerful):’coz Red means STOP!
A Brusque History Check on Lip-Colors: About five centuries back in the Savannas of Uganda dwelled a tribe called The Maasai. The atrocious chieftain of the Maasais, Tatenda Taibu lived with his 28 wives and 48 concubines. One the eve of their annual harvest festival, tribesmen Makhaya Ntini and Gahiji(hunter) Odumbe enacted a play. Disguised as the red mouthed Baboon God, Papio Hamadryas, Odumbe and Ntini scored to be the cynosures of the eve. Turned on by their ultra-shining red colored lips, Chief Taibu goofed them for some recently evolved maidens of the tribe and took them home that night. What happened next was obvious. Baffled by their mistaken genders, Taibu exiled Ntini and Gahiji to the Kalahari after chopping off their exclusives. After this historical harvest festival fiasco, Chief Taibu ordered all the Maasai women to wear red lip-colors as a tribute to Papio Hamadryas. Until 200 years, the trend of lip-coloring remained confined within the Maasais until the european missionaries discovered them. It was them missionaries who passed on the trend to the more developed world from the Maasais, which today are popularly known as lip-colors, lip-sticks or lip-gloss and are an integral part of a woman’s make-up. But one must not forget that these lip-colors actually evolved from the red-mouthed Baboon god, Papio Hamadryas.
Lip-Colors Today: Today, companies such as Revlon, Maybelline, Avon, Lakme and Estee Lauder are the leading manufacturers of lip-colors with a range of more than 1001 different colors. I wonder if Pablo Picasso ever had such a wide range of colors in his color pallet. Technically lip-colors are widely categorized as Glossy and Matte. Glossy means shining as in Karan Johar’s Glossy K3G and matte is a bit dull or not-so-shining as in many later movies of Dev Anand. What Sridevi wore in’Himmatwaala’ was a hyper-glossy extra-red lip-color and what Saif Ali Khan wore in’Main Khiladi Tu Anadi’ was.oh! sorry. he didn’t wear any.
Improvisation on Lip-Colors: Though I’ve never used lip colors to enhance my storming personality, I have had of a bit of experience pertaining to women’s habits with lip-colors. From a man’s mindtrip, I suggest lip-colors should come with flavours. Flavours as in strawberry flavour, raspberry, orange, chocolate, banana, grape or pumpkin(please don’t confuse them with milk shakes. Im talking about lip-colors).
Lets say, Miss Simm.goes out on a shopping spree to China and chinese don’t sell strawberries(just a hypothesis). Now in the middle of a no-strawberries chinese mall Simm wants to eat strawberries. Eureka. we got a solution. open ur purse, take out ur Maybelline’s Strawberry flavoured lipstick and put it on. This solves three purposes. One. Simm looks cool now. Two. Simm gets to taste strawberries. Three. Buzz gets to taste strawberries too. Further improvisations on flavoured lipsticks can be nicotin flavoured lip-sticks(for an overloaded smoker like me.not that I wanna use lipsticks now.) or else. alcohol coated lip-colors. Imagine Johnny Walker’s advertising Lip-Colors as 10 yr old malt.Black Label or else. Dharam Papa’s Bagpiper. ’Khoob Jamega Rang Jab Mil Baithenge Teen Yaar. Aap, Main aur Bagpiper Lip-Color’.
From the African Baboon god, Papio Hamadryas to the lips of Cindi Crawford, Lip-Colors have traversed beyond time and locations. What a 16 yr old girl to a 60 yr old woman long for is the perfect color for the evening.