Disclaimer: I have nothing personal against store salesmen. My ex boyfriend is not a salesman and the old man next door who complains to my mom if I play my stereo one notch above “whispering levels” isn’t one either . And if any one of you reading this, is one, im terribly sorry.
Its just that as a breed store salesmen( or women) with unfailing regularity seem to annoy me. Its just one of those unexplained mysteries in life! Like how your new jeans fit perfectly in the store but simply refuse to button up when you’re late for a movie with your friends ….or how you do everything wrong while driving dad’s car with him in it for the first time!( my first time in the car with dad, ended up in tears, on both sides.dad crying for his car and me because I didn’t know I had such a cruel father:-)) .
Back to the salesmen…it’s the same with them. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But I get jittery as soon as I see them approaching.
Now there are a few different varieties of them;
a)The PUSHY sort: Now if I’ve come to buy a blue striped shirt, he’ll go ….”blue! its isn’t you at all! “ “stripes “ Gosh! It’ll make you look short and fat …So I pull out a brown one…”oh that doesn’t do anything for you” …so I get the pretty little white one…and try it on. He’ll stand there and look at me, first with right eye closed and then the left. Then he’ll frown at me. And then his eyes light up and he pulls out a green shirt “ this one is just for you” . So quite unhappily I step out of the store with a green checkered shirt, never mind that a) I don’t wear green b) checkered shirts are a strict no-no at work ……
b)The I-DON’T- CARE- ABOUT- YOU- COS –IVE-GOT-BIGGER-FISH-TO FRY-sort: Aah. Now this is a tough breed. Tough because you need all the control you possess to keep from kicking him on the shins and whining for attention… I was up against one of this sort when I thought I’d buy my dad a new cell phone with my first pay check! He looked me up and down as I walked into the store . Taking in my faded jeans and scuffed sneakers( as a rule I believe sneakers must be scuffed) he tossed his head and turned with a smile to the lady in the silk suit . So I pip up with “excuse me’s “ every now and then and when ive clocked about a dozen of them in the half minute, he turns and demands “YES?” . “ Errr.how much is that one’ …I point to the Nokia 5510. “ He answers. “and that one…? “ No answer. Cos he’s back to Ms. Silk Suit. I persist. Exasperated he turns to me again . This time Im better prepared. I shoot out a few questions before he can turn away! So now he gives me a look as if to say “ Im not here to play 20 questions with you, young lady! “ And turns his back on me. No I didn’t walk out just then. I wait for Ms. Silk Suit to walk out first and cant help cackling with glee when she walks out without a purchase. Then I wait for him to turn to me, which is when I said “im sorry, I don’t want to buy from you” and then I stage my walkout!( I would have liked to go back to his shop after finally getting an 8310 for dad and dangle it in front of him as if to say.’look at the commission you missed out on “. But I didn’t. My sister wouldn’t let me. “ Grow up “ she told me .)
c)The EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILERS: These are the sort you find in the tiny lil shops which seem to stock all sorts of junk you don’t want and none of the stuff you really need. They’ll have gilded bird cages and fishing rods but no envelopes and definitely no telephone cards. And just when you think you should leave, the salesman cum owner gives you that soulful look and sighs and tells you, you remind him of his daughter back home . He’ll talk of how he’s been saving up every little dirham for her wedding, and how its so tough to make ends meet ever since Mall-mania swept Dubai ….so I walk out wondering what on earth im gonna do with a pink plastic jewellery box and a packet of cartoon clothes hooks…jus the kind mom detests.( I finally shut the cartoon hooks in the jewellery box and threw it on top of the cupboard)
d)The STORE POLICEMEN sort: This has got to be my pet hate . I simply cannot understand why they absolutely must follow us around everywhere, eyes narrowed in suspicion… for gods sake, im not gonna try shop lift with all those alarms and stuff everywhere! Its especially annoying when im with my best friend and we’re just window shopping…like the time we were having a jolly good laugh over a yellow swimsuit trimmed with huge frilly yellow lace( I’m not kidding)( its still there in the store!)( no wonder!).It took us a good fifteen minutes to recover from that one …all through which the salesman remained rooted to his spot wondering what we’d do next. When we’d recovered, we walked past him with as much dignity as we could muster and when we turned back and saw him straightening the yellow horror on its hanger, needless to say we went into a fresh fit of giggles. He followed us all around the store after that. Well, yellow swimsuits or not I cannot understand why these guys have to treat all customers like we have shop lifting records or like they would love to try and give us such a record! I half think they’re disappointed each time one of us turns out to be straight!( as in “honest’).
Well, these are the sort that I generally manage to find and of late considering my amazing bad luck with them, im even beginning to introspect….wondering whether “the fault lies within” . Maybe im sending out these vibes.”I hate you”…so they hate me in turn…………….