4 way street is the name of a CSNY album, but it fits! We’ve heard of one way streets and the more common two way streets but only in India have I seen 3 and 4 way streets.
In rare cases you even get to see 5 way streets, and only in Pune, a city in India not far from Mumbai, can you see panoramic n-way-streets where objects speed by in every conceivable direction in a 360 degree line of vision.(’Objects’ can mean pedestrians, cars, buses, cycles, cricket balls, kites with string attached, animals and firecrackers.)
Driving in India is an exciting experience. No experience short of bungee jumping or a stoned roller coaster ride is going to match the sheer exhilaration of reaching your desired destination safely. What better way to keep your mental senses alert than to take a drive in the morning? It is no walk in the park.
Indians would be a lot less alert were it not for this forced reflex training they are made to undergo each time they drive. It steels youngsters up for life and keeps the middle aged people’s life exciting. And let us not forget the old folks who are kept in top physical condition dodging these youngsters and middle aged people. Complete with vocal chord training and complex neck and eye maneuvers.
Usually, the way it is supposed to work, is that before roads are built, and vehicles released onto them, a rough plan is usually made, known as’traffic rules’ in most countries. This includes things such as’side of the road to drive on’ and’red means stop, green means go’.
’Side of the road to drive on’ has only two choices in most countries. Left, or right. Hence, the road is neatly divided in half by things called’dividers’ and you usually stick to one side of the road, the side having been decided in advance.
Traffic in India does not conform to these specifications and templates. The variable’side of road’ can take several different values, including’middle’. In fact, drivers usually drive in the middle, and then depending on the situation, decide to swerve right, or left, at the very last moment. The decision to go right, or left, depends on a number of things. It depends though, mainly, on a similar decision made by an oncoming driver.
How accidents are averted and decisions spontaneously communicated across empty space between drivers without saying anything is complex and best left to psychology students to analyse. Language cowers in disgrace compared to this form of communication. It is the stuff PHD thesis’ are made of. Many theories have been put forward explaining this anomaly. Some theorize that the two drivers spontaneously form a quantum system and become polar opposites, thereby being forced to take an opposite direction to any direction taken by the other. Clearly, a detailed study is needed.
As far as’red means stop’ and’green means go’ is concerned, we Indians display our libertarian attitude. These definitions have been customized.’Red’ stands for’keep inching forward, revving your vehicle’.’Green’ stands for’go regardless of whether it is your green light, or someone else’s’. In fact, any green colour in the vicinity or your field of vision is reason enough to take off.
Speaking of taking off, I shall tell you a joke.
groans.
Guy is getting a ticket.
’Sorry officer, was I driving too fast? No, you were flying too low.’
groans
I think a groan is the best way to end this’review’.
Comments and brickbats awaited. Comment all ye who agree with me. Let the first brickbat be thrown by the person who has never run a red light.