Harry Potter fought off his dementors by conjuring the petronas spell of a stag. I wish it were really that simple to fight of depression. Depression suck off all happiness from a person’s soul, just like the dementors, in the Harry Potter series.
All of us go through this nasty phase in our lives sometimes. Luckily, most times we conjure our own petronas spells and ward off the demon called depression but sometimes depression wins. Once in the shackles of this demon escaping is a herculean task. I know. After a massive battle lasting almost six weeks I have escaped from this demon and I can finally see light.
I consider myself a very rational person but in the thores of depression sanity takes a backseat. This is what depression did to me and how I fought it.
The day depression won over me, I was physically ill with flu. The most morbid thoughts about my family took over my mind . There was still some sanity left in me, a rational mind which kind of kept on screaming to me’all this is truly crap and has no basis in the reality which is your life’ which somewhere in my heart I knew to be true, but I could not switch off from those thoughts and they kept playing upon me. My mind kept on adding to that worst case scenario, pulling me deeper and deeper into depression.
What was I imagining? I was imagining that my whole family was out to get me and make me look like a fool in public. I was imagining that my husband hates the sight of me and wanted a divorce. I was imagining that my son thought that he was cursed to have a mother like me.(these are just the topic headings.) If all my imaginative scenarios I had written down Ekta Kapoor would have had a Hit on her hands about a persecuted woman.
How did I fight it off. I am a deeply religious person and I truly believe that God is always with us. I knew somewhere deep in my heart that the rational part screaming at me through the fog which depression had cast, was really God telling me I am here. Reach out and take my hand. Unfortunately, for a long time the shackles of depression were so strong that I could break free but one day thanks to my son, I did.
All my morbid thoughts were affecting me physically and I was running a temperature. In the middle of the night when I was shivering with fever my eight year old very lovingly, kissed me and whispered’Mamma use my blanket’ He covered me with his baby blanket and even switched off the fan.
There and then I MYSELF DECIDED come what may I was going to come out of this hell. Next morning, I begged God for help and I found that there was a book and pen in front of me. I started to write(which is what I always do to clear my head) All the pain my morbidity was causing poured out as words. Along with that, also, came out the small instances when I had been hurt with what my close loved ones had done but because you love them you overlook it, also when you are thinking rationally you consider them to be trival.
Secondly, I have a very loving husband and child who through my darkest spells, not knowing what was actually playing on my mind, (as I just would not communicate verbally and tell anyone what was in my mind)kept on repeatedly assuring me that they loved me and nothing would ever change that. I was undoubtedly, very lucky that God did not let me truly sink in the abyss of depression and that HE pulled me out of it.
Many of you may consider this to be sermonising but I will still say it.Make God your friend . Ask for his help. He wants to be there for you. Most importantly THANK him daily for what he does for you and tell HIM that in this karmabhoomi which is your life you CHOOSE HIS WAY. For all of you out there if you ever feel depression or even fear is overtaking you just take the name of your GOD and keep on chanting it.
DEPRESSION CANNOT FACE AN ADVERSARY WHO HAS GOD AS AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT.
’For those who believe in God No explanation is necessary.
For those who do not believe in God No explanation is possible.’