You, yeah you, get up. Come on, stand here, in front of the mirror.
Take that t-shirt off. Go ahead. Yeah, I’m looking, so what? You don’t have anything I haven’t seen before, and let me tell you every time I looked, I felt like pressing a burning cigarette into my eyes!
Close your mouth honey. Stop looking at me like that. It’s time you took a good look at you.
Struck dumb? Nice change from the blah this and blah that I hear all the time. You’ve ignored me long enough and I’ve about had it with being ignored.
How old are you? No don’t tell me. I’ve heard you say it before, and with pride too – ‘I’m in the prime of my life, ’ you brag, ‘of my youth and my sexuality.’
Bullshit.
Forget the grey in your hair, it happens, forget the wrinkles, that happens too. A splash of dye and a shot of Botox will take care of that. Think instead about the last time you had to climb 3 flights of stairs. How many times did you stop? Pretending to fish for something in your bag…ha, ha, fish out of water, gasping for its last breath was more like it.
Sit down. No, I’m not done with you yet; this will just take longer than madame likes to stand. Oh I know all about you honey. Never one to stand when we could sit, and never one to sit when we could lie down, were we.
Look at that waist spilling over onto your thighs shudder Actually, don’t look. You know what all that lard you’re walking around with can do to you? I’ll tell you. Get fat, and before you know it, diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure will have hopped along for the ride.
Like that collection of stones you have? Diamonds, rubies, emeralds and now gallstones, ha, ha! Did you know you’re staring at cancer of the uterus in the face, and as a bonus you get to say hello to osteoporosis and goodbye to your pancreas?
What time did you post that comment on Mouthshut last night? 1.30am? Oops, did I forget to mention that erratic sleep patterns are going to be a constant from now?
Don’t look at me like that woman. You did it all. Spoon by spoon, day after day, till the years blended into one long comfort food-fest.
The slightest whiff of an excuse – a wedding, a birth, a funeral, somebody’s daughter lost her first tooth, just anything, and you piled up the portions, and poured on the ghee like there was no tomorrow.
‘Eat, ’ everybody said when you were pregnant, and you shoveled the sugar in. ‘You have to eat for two, ’ they said. Sure, for two heart attacks. The babies are teens now – how long will you use them as an excuse?
Over 50% of urban Indian women are obese, the statistics say, *and more are joining the fat club everyday. What fun!
Why? We Indians love food. Our lives revolve around food, and the more there is, and the worse it is for us, the better we feel about eating it.
Finished? No darling, the party doesn’t stop there.
We, with our maids and our machines have forgotten what a bit of honest physical labour feels like.
We do today in minutes today what it took our grandmas hours to do, and spend the time we saved sitting in front of the TV wolfing down one more pack of chips, watching a witch with a bad bindi day throwing herself at somebody else’s husband; way to go!
What was that? Your children are all grown up and gone, and your man comes home tired, and doesn’t pay attention to you, and you feel neglected, so you eat to compensate? Tell that to the doctor when you’re lying on that gurney clutching your heart.
And I hate to be the one to break this news to you honey, but curvy women are sexy- fat women are not; so don’t be so quick to dish out all the blame.
What was that again? Genes? You crack me up! There are as many skinny people in your family as there are fat ones.
You, and only you are responsible for what you have become, and what you can make of yourself tomorrow.
Who said anything about you emulating those anorexic ramp models? Those women are not real baby, forget them. You’ll just kill yourself trying to get that way anyway.
You want a role model, forget the wispy waifs. Think Xena, Warrior Princess; now that’s one curvy bodacious babe with a figure to die for. OK, you don’t have the face, and you don’t have the height, so what? It sure is possible for you to have that body.
What are you going to do now?
Diet yourself into a shadow, or die trying?
Eat healthy and exercise and get fit?
Or stay this way, add on the pounds and pray for a get-thin-quick cure, or for a man with a fat-fetish?
Woman, you listen up now, you don’t need to have your bones pushing through your skin to look good. You can be curvy and still be healthy and sexy.
Remember how you used to be when you could be bothered to move that ample backside? Remember flesh without jiggle, a stomach that didn’t fall into your lap, and thighs that didn’t measure the same as your waist once did?
Oh, stop looking at me like your world just caved in. I didn’t ask you to give up your chocolate, did I? One piece once in a while won’t kill you.
But a bar every day, and those chips, and that Pepsi, and all that oil in which you love to fry every second thing you eat, and the left overs from your children’s plates most certainly will kill you,
And so will that third helping of biryani,
As will sitting on your but.t all day…
Now get off that tush sweetheart, grab your pod, lace up those shoes, and hit the road.
You do what I asked you to, and you’ll be fine. I promise.
After all, I am your heart, and I am invested in this just as much as you are!
Ps - Though this article is meant to be a kick in the backside of the overweight Indian woman, the concerns apply as much to the man as for her. The same rules apply too - eat smaller portions, don’t eat dead food, and move! Easier said than done, but at least it has been said.
Here’s a list of some obesity related problems in both men and women(I didn’t make up the list) -
Arthritis, back pain, breathlessness, a wide variety of cancers, cardio vascular disease, inadequate blood flow in the veins(esp for men), chronic fatigue, deep vein thrombosis, diabetes, renal disease, gall bladder disease, gout, hypertension, infertility and ob/gyn problems, pancreatitis, sleep disorders, stroke, urinary problems.
Some items on this menu will kill you. Others will simply cause enough unpleasantness to make you wish you were dead!