A Few Rules -
[1] Height of maturity - Started smoking at the age of 12.
[2] Height of optimism - Hope to give up smoking at the age of 62.
[3] Height of health consciousness - You always wash your cigarette before smoking it .
[4] Height of experimentation - You’hv already manufactured 3 sofas using cig’ filters.
[5] Height of absent-mindedness - You lighted the filtered side and wondered why the taste is so different today.
[6] Height of alertness - You never forget to wash your feet after lighting off the cig’ with your shoes .
Conversation -
Mom -’tum cig’ kyun pite ho’
Son -’kyunki main cig’ kha nahi sakta’.
What you say to your friend who got arrested while smoking in a no smoking zone. -’Get bail soon’.
What you say to your father when you are caught smoking’fire-handed’ -I’m doing a research on the trajectory of different kinds of smokes.
What you say to your gf when you are caught smoking’fire-handed’ - This is an imported incenst stick .
What you say to your friend who refuses to try your brand -’smokers are not choosers’.
What you say to your friend who won’t let you smoke -’piyo aur pine do’.
Take the following test -
[1] You started smoking at the age of -
(a) 19 (b) 16 (c) 39 (d) 19-25.
[2] You started smoking because -
(a) You wanted to impress your gf.
(b) You wanted to impress yours as well as other’s gf.
(c)’Bus yun hi’.
(d) Everyone’s around you were smokers.
[3] You want to quit smoking because -
(a) Your gf isnt getting impressed.
(b) Neither your gf nor other’s gf is getting impressed.
(c)’Bus yun hi’.
(d) Everyone’s asking you to quit smoking.
[4] Yuor fav song is -
(a)’haar gaam ko dhuyen mein udata chala gaya’.
(b) So young .
(c) Phool tumhe bheja hai khaat mein.
(d) Who let the’smoking’ dogs out.
Answers-
If your answer is’a’ all the time - We all are like that only.
If your answer is’b’ all the time - sabash! bahoot tarakki karoge life mein .
If your answer is’c’ all the time - Please donot quit smoking or you might start smoking’beedee’.
If your answer is’d’ all the time - ask others.
How to quit smoking -
[1] New year resolution - Make old resolutions every new year .
[2] Just today and then . - Today is sunday, tomorrow is your cousin’s birthday and on tuesday there’s a party at your place, just three days smoke as much as you can because after that you won’t even touch a cig’, right buddy?
[3] Law of average - On an average you smoked 20 cigs’ in the 2nd week of Aug, 16 in the 3rd week and 12 in the 4th week . By this logic you will be smoking 25cig’s on an average in the 1st week of Sep. And subsequently you won’t be smoking any at all by the year 2005.( Please note - Make sure you donot ask me to explain this, because I myself am looking for someone who might explain this to me).
[4] Itihaas gawah hai - There are three kinds of smokers -
(a) Those who can quit smoking at will . Look at me i’hv quit smoking atleast 33 times.
(b) Those who can easily supplant cig’ with other viable alternatives.
(c) Liers.
In any case you won’t be smoking any, atleast no one would know .After all that’s what you want to do, isn’t it?