A – Adverisements & Endorsements: - The primary pillar of Indian Cricket which runs on the revenue provided by the Advertisers. The prime beneficiary of their largesse are our players. Amazingly our advertisers are so brazen that they continue running the ads featuring these mega-stars, even when they are loosing matches right, left and center.
B – Bookies: The Second pillar of Indian crickets. Some people are suspicious that after the match-fixing controversy, they have stopped influencing (read: rigging) the outcome of matches. Their suspicious are totally unfounded. A thousand crore on every one-dayer has to go somewhere..everywhere.
C – Crowds: Idiots who keep flocking the cricket grounds all over the country whenever our bunch of overpaid jokers land on them to play this idiotic game.
D- Dumb & Dumber: The junta who keeps making heroes out of mickeys, worshiping them, buying the products endorsed by them, even though they keep getting bouts of amnesia, forgetting even the basics of the game.
E – see A
F – Fuckin’ Tendulkar – The pied piper of Indian Cricket, who swashes his bat and millions of rats and mice follow him mindlessly. Poverty, unemployment, globalization woes– who cares? The pied piper will solve all our problems. Follow him…sheep, rats and all other creatures.. Moooooooo!
G – Grass is always greener on the other side: Literally true, but the problem is our cows are too used to dusty tracks prepared for turbantors to relish the green-top fields prepared for them when they travel abroad.
H – Hara-kiri: Something that our cricketers do shamelessly every time they remember that they will still be making millions, irrespective of whether they spend their time on the pitch or pavelion.
I – Idiots: All of you who still follow the game.
J – Jumping Jacks: This is what our batsmen become when they bat on green, grassy wickets.
K – Kapil Dev: Recently awarded the Kricketer of century for krying his lungs out on telly. Oooh! Whatta performance! Whatta MAN …I didn’t do anything.. Waaah…(SOB) (SOB) The BBC made up for missing out his 175 * agt Zimbabwe at WC’83 by relaying this scintillating Oscar-award deserving dramatics.
L – Loosing: Something which our cricketers are champions at, except when the bookies divert their crores to the players of opposing teams.
M – Mobs: C (crowds) that turn into bloody mobs when Modi calls or our team loses.
N – No Balls: This is what our players have – No balls, especially when they are required to face real red-Balls unleashed by opposition on G (green-tops)
O – Ooo, Aah, Ouch: Injuries that our cricketers keep on accumulating mysteriously, allowing them to take breaks long enough to fit in the schedules of the advertisers.
P – Public: yeh sab jaanti hai, pehchanti hai, andar kya hai, baahar kya hai – phir bhi paagalon ki tarah in cricketeron ke peeche bhagti hai.
Q – Quitters: No need to elaborate.
R – Ratings: Over-rated.
S – Sidhu & Sidhuisms: The Pasha of Patiala mouths absurdities and inanities with aplomb and our idiotic junta laps it up. Keep ‘em coming brother! One fool deserves another.
T – Two & half day Test Matches: the average length of a test match played by Indian cricked team on G’s
U – Uloos (owls)– the people of India for over-indulging in the passion for this game.
V – Vande Matram (Read: Patriotism) The abstact idea designed to divide people and to create hatred and boundaries that fuels the passion for this game. Proof: the low turn-out at local Ranji-trophy matches.
W – World cup lao…Shahrukh khan, Kareena kapoor. .World cup lao.. Can we have some sanity, please? The world is on the edge.. the end times are near… nuclear wars.. millions of people all over the world are waking up to the grand realities that threaten the future of mankind.. and all we care about is a silly Cup!
X - ‘Xcessive cricket - We need a break from cricket and the cricketers! Is anybody listening?
Y – Yuvraj’s – Yuvraj of Indian cricket, Prince of Kolakutta, the Wall, Young Turks, Turbanator and all the stupid ill-fitting epitaphs showered on these pathetic bunch of losers.
Z – Zombies: Hundreds of Millions of idiots, staring mindlessly at their telly-screens for hours to see the players become millionaires doing very little meaningful or constructive.