Zindagi ka safar.. hein yeh kaisa safar.. Koi samjha nahi, koi jaana nahi[Who has understood the intricacies of the journey called life..]
Nope, I wouldn’t dare talk about ‘zindagi ka safar’[life’s journey] at my tender age. But I’m here to share the actual‘suffer’ of travelling by Indian Railways . With my ample experience of up and downing New Delhi-Bangalore, I automatically qualify to comment, rate and be opinionated about the Railways and their system. For history, facts, figures, timetable and routings please refer to your local railway guide [or their ever showing ‘please wait’ website]I am only here to take you on a journey, with some musical interludes to add on the entertainment value to the otherwise rather monotonous trip.
Journey
Jaipur se nikli gaadi Dilli chale..[Train has left Jaipur to Delhi..]
Read it as Delhi towards Bangalore (and vice versa on return trip). Usually its Friday evenings that I board the KK Express from Delhi that will finally dump in Bangalore on coming Sunday afternoon. So for the whole 42 hours [can u believe it?]that train is virtually my whole world.[How I wish I’d that helicopter of Shahrukh’s in K3G, to fly in minutes and announce’Mein aa gayee hoon Maa’(I’m home mom)in typical filmi eshtyle or alternatively, my company taking care of my airfares even for personal holidays! Sigh!]Anyways, after tucking in securely your luggage and bidding farewells, the ‘suffering’ begins. Let’s talk one at a time.
People
Yeh kahaan aa gaye hum[Oh no!]
This is your first reaction to your co-passengers who sometimes are so buggingly irritating or irritatingly bugging.’Kahan jaa rahi ho beti? Kaun rehtha hein udhar? Shaadi ho gayi hein kya? Delhi mein akele rehthe ho? Kahan makaan liya hein? Kitna rent dete ho?..’[You really want me to translate all that nonsense?]Aaargh! And then there are others who literally bore your brains with their knowledge of politics, sports and what nots, even when you turn stone-deaf! But I must admit that besides the scenery outside your window, people around you are the most fascinating aspect of such travel. You get to see the real world as it truly is and in all diversity. Like
Akkad bakkad bambe bo.. assi, nabbe poore sou[1, 2, 3, 4..100?]
The ‘akadnewale’[stiff-necked] railway staff come under this category. Most of them are under the impression that the train is their ancestral property and hauteur approach is the only way to deal with passengers. They also forget that they are paid for their jobs and are constantly under the assumption that they are doing a favour just by being there. Sample this. A conversation between a passenger and a staff member,
’Arey suno, could you get me a water bottle?’ ’ ’
’Pantry mein tho miltha hoga?’ ’Patha nahi’
’Kaise staff ho, phir kisse poonche?’ ’Mera duty nahi saab’’
’Growl..grunt..roar..grr’ ’Bow wow..kyuin, kyyuin..snarl’
[Self explanatory, hope you got the picture!]
Agreed that such melodramatic encounters are entertaining and provide some comical relief, but often wears out on the patience level of co-travellers.
Batata Vada, Batata Vada..[Potato vada please!]
These are the ‘Bakasurs’[hogging demons] who can’t resist anything that passes them by. Fruits, chips, vada, paav bhaaji, idli, dosa, cutlet, soup, chocolate, cool drinks, peanuts, coffee, tea..woah!! Being blessed with an amazing appetite and extraordinary digestive system.
So gaya yeh jahan, so gaya aasmaan..[Zzz zzz zzz..]
The moment they get their berth, they fall into a deep slumber, totally ignorant of the roaring world surrounding them. These ’Kumbakarnas’[sleeping demons] can break any no. of Guinness records for the longest sleep hours. In fact, it’s a blessing to have such non-disturbing co-passengers as long as they don’t rock your world with their loud snores.
Ek rahen Eer, Ek rahen Bir, Ek rahen Patthe, aur.. [Gambler’s anthem]
Cards and more cards, play on! Simply amazing people who put casinos of Las Vegas to utter shame with their non-stop gambling!
Yahan ke hum sikander..[We are the Alexanders here ?]
These are the other most regular people on a train. They float in and out and include hawkers, beggars, coolies, hijrons [picked it from India today for hijra (eunuchs)].
Yeh kya ho raha hein..[What’s happening around?] And/or
Main aur meri tanhayee..[Leave me alone]
My kind of Boolean people here. Sometimes with keen observation on the happenings and others times happy to be left to their own plight, preferring to curl with a book or plug in that walkman and forget the rest of the world!
Food
Dal roti khao, prabhu ke gun gao..[eat bread and sing glory of the Lord]
What are these thick charred oily round things? I see, they are called poori. Are these funny looking awful tasting half-baked stuff vegetables? And that sour water.. but of course, curds! One has to still survive so you forcibly gulp down a morsel or two. Hope the dinner is better, vegetable ‘pulao’ they said. But where are the vegetables in this semi-cooked mass of rice? I paid Rs.32 for 3 pieces of carrot? My vegetarianism is killing me. Look at the neighbour he is enjoying his chicken biryani.. but hey, why is he running for the window.. throwing up? Ugh! Should I dare even think about how the ‘upma’ served for b/f will be? Remember, the worst part of a train journey is always food and if you did survive that, you’ll survive anything. After this, you expect me to speak about the berth, coach and loo? You must be joking!!
Destination
Manzilein abhi aur bhi hein..[When the hell do I get out of here?]
MP chala gaya kya? Have we touched Maharastra?Good..it’s just another day more. Ok, let me take a break from my music and reading. So peep out of the window.. admire mother nature [and eeks..people attending nature’s call?]Drink some coffee, tea, some coffee again and tea.. repeat as long as you don’t get acidity problems. Ahmednagar? How I wish my uncle hadn’’t moved from here. It’s only 3 pm. Get down at next station, take a small walk on the platform, make faces at some monkeys around.AP kab aayega rey?Some late hour in the night, and between the mosquitoes and tick bites, you realise that the train is standing still. Signal crossings? 2 hours wait only?!Morning again.. wafts of idli, dosa smell.. must be Dharmavaram. So another 6 hours to go. Catch up with newspaper, your novel and may be one more cassette. Karnataka at last? But when will I reach Bangalore.
Main zindagi..har fikr ko duane mein udatha chala gaya..
[So I blew away all my tensions with the engine smoke huh?!]
Finally destination arrived. So what if you were only 3 hrs late, you got out alive & in one piece, be thankful.
I walk out of the station joyfully, though there is some nagging in the corner of mind that you’ll be back soon and for more ‘suffering.’
Contd..Grand finale in comments section.. (Sorry!!)