Director: Shaad Ali
I would like to believe that when a guy invests around Rs. 25-30 Crores in a film, hell even Rs.2 Crores in a film, he begins by asking the writer / filmmaker – ‘What’s the story?’ I would also like to believe that one of so many people involved in making a film asks for a script, or if that is too much, then the semblance of a story at least? Someone in a huge cast and crew of people on a film would ask, ‘Yaar yeh dekhne log Rs. 100-200 denge?’ Forget Paisa Vasool(that’s David Dhawan domain), and we’re not asking for anything that real ‘Cinema’ should be like, but at least don’t insult our intelligence like this. At least one person has got to be awake while a film is being made – but JBJ proves it beyond doubt that these make-believes only exist in the audience’s minds, not in the industry, which is churning out gross filth as cinema.
Aah, it’s all over I thought – I’m through it, let’s get out now. But it’s as if Shaad Ali was ahead of me this time; the first line of the end credits read “Story Development – Anurag Kashyap & Tigmanshu Dhulia’. That hurt more than the last 2 hours I just went through. Those are 2 guys whose work I follow devotedly and respect tremendously, those are the guys who are supposed to be on the other side of this mindless and monstrous ego-assuaging industry. Dhulia is a colleague of Shaad’s from the time when they assisted Mani Ratnam for a good(3-4 yrs) – where the hell is the learning? What story development – Hell where’s the story? And if this is a developed version, who the hell paid Habib Faisal and for what then? Another guy whose association with this no-brainer hurt me was the brilliant, multi-faceted Piyush Mishra(who plays AB Jr’s Pakistani best friend).
Boy meets girl at the railway station. They are waiting to pick up people coming in the same train, which is 2 hours behind schedule, which means that their destinies are locked for that time and why? Because there is no other table empty in the coffee shop. They get talking, because they have to and for some reason are spinning false romantic fantasies about their lives to the other – why the freak? We don’t know.
So by the time they get to the end of their respective fantasies, they have also in the meanwhile imagined a romantic fantasy with each other, with some arbitrary Taj Mahal talk – wasn’t listening frankly, didn’t care enough. Now this first half is a cross between a romantic fantasy, with a good measure of a musical(inspired by, may I add Chicago-esque sequences) – with neither the need for it, nor the class we’ve seen already. But never mind, let’s just move on – for whatever it’s worth. So in the course of the 2 hours, they have fallen in love with each other – HUH, WHAT, HOW? Tsk tsk, don’t ask! No one’s giving you answers. I wonder if anyone has them. Don’t care because those who made it didn’t either – so just watch on.
Shankar – Ehsaan – Loy have some magic about them – with every film they are able to create one hook number, which gets to you, and refuses to leave. There are 2 romantic melodies as well which were good, but I was too busy disconnecting with the film. Then I’ve always been a fan of Vaibhavi Merchant(choreographer). Whether it was Baat meri suniye from Kuch na Kaho, (you HAVE to see it if you haven’t), or Agar Main Kahoon from Lakshya, she manages to weave a story into the song, through the dance. However, I doubt if she could have done that in a film, which has nothing to say in the first place.
AB Jr is a big star today, but I seriously doubt he will remain one if he indulges his friends over taking his responsibility to his audience seriously. Bobby Deol has nothing to do in the first half as the fantasy boy, but provides some relief in the second half, especially at the climax(when he falls for one of the 2 women – not trying to build suspense, it’s not worth it, just being courteous). Preity Zinta – she can be cute, and she can be more, but she is nothing here. That leaves us with Lara Dutta(Oh! So hot!) who traverses playing a French hotel manager(a la Catherine Zeta Jones look from Ocean’s 12) to a London street Punjabi pick up girl with ease and I wouldn’t mind watching her go ‘Behn di takki’ a few more times, she’s cool, and Oh! So hot!
Habib Faisal / Shaad Ali / Aditya Chopra / Yash Chopra / Anurag Kashyap / Tigmanshu Dhulia / WHOEVER FREAKING ELSE – The Princess Diana tragedy being used to your convenient advantage to tell a story that doesn’t even exist? You cannot weave a real life tragedy, which is grounded in that part of the world(especially since you’re basing you’re story out of Britain and apparently for your Indian audience there as well) and mock it. Some sense of respect for what’s past and done, if not for your audience. And what the hell is the Censor Board doing now? This time it is fine – because it’s Yashraj doing it? Wake bloody up – you spineless group of(*&^%)! Or are you allowing cinematic liberty here?
I am not going to get into the storyline or any sort of a discussion on the film aspects – plainly because none exist. No story, no script, hence, no logic. Fair enough. So never mind what fixation AB Jr. has with Hollywood, never mind Big B reduced to doing an Item number(at least he accepts he is wholly responsible for what he has reduced himself to), never mind the JBJ title track(multiple versions) being played over and over again – they might as well have made a 2 hour music video – it would have done away with the pretence of a film then, never mind everything – then why the hell am I writing this? Because I’m very bloody angry – am angry that nobody cares; nobody takes the responsibility for this pitiful crass that they have reduced Bollywood to. Which other industry in the world, which is growing at anything between 35-55% can get away with such quality standards of the products it is putting out to the consumers? The answer is, none! And why do they get away with it? It’s because we let them. We still go to the theatre to see this crap, well, there is no other way of finding out then, is there? But I believe the doom day is a lot closer for this crap than we think. I hope it is.