On Saturday evening I got a SMS from my sis revealing that the murderer in Kaal was Isha Deol, and that Lara Dutta was a tiger trainer. Murder, babes and felines - it tickled my fancy, and before one could say Babbar Share, we found ourselves buying tickets in black not only for us, but for a couple of friends as well.
The movie started off with an item number featuring voluptuous Malaika Arora, and a rather pudgy looking SRK. This was by far the highlight of the evening (apart from the samosas they served at the interval), as the movie went down the toilet right after the credits.
My friends, some men are born great. Others achieve greatness. And others are destined to work with Isha Deol. I would like to speak of one who was born for the job, someone eminently qualified, a man who could look Isha in her own eyes and meet her on her own terms. A man they call John Abraham. John plays a tiger-ologist working for National Geographic, although he is outperformed in the acting department by all the flora and fauna including his pet python. Isha Deol plays his non-stereotypical wife - continually confused, thoroughly timid, and insufferably troubled while being laboriously painful.
Aishawaria Rai’s kiss of death has ensured yet another poor performance by Vivek Oberoi, who plays a mannerless rich little brat who is on holiday with girlfriend Lara Dutta and a couple of his friends (who by far are the best actors in the ensemble). After their state of the art SUV breaksdown they hitch a ride into the forest, and as the fates have it meet up with John and Isha.
As the plot unfolds unwanted sounds that remind you of Vastu Shastra, and repetitious scenes of bats and owls try to make up for the shoddy script, wobbly plot, and half baked Bollywood bull. Thrown into the comedy of errors is Ajay Devgan, who makes an entry amidst three tigers (who seem well fed), and who sticks around to take the group out of harms way.
As we left a few questions troubled by mind:
What would a ghost do with bribery money?
Why did National Geographic want any part of this crap?
Why were the tigers written into the script?
Was it Karan Johar who was distributing those SMS messages?
The movie is funny, when it’s supposed to be spine tingling; boring when it’s supposed to be thrilling. Bullfart by any other name would smell as fowl - avoid this movie like a rabid dog.