Bollywood tried to “clone” Hollywood and the result was a deformed Dollywood. This movie is the height of stupidity - higher than a pregnant women rubbing iodex to her stomach.
Kaante, the movie can be divided into three acts.
# Act 1: The Bank Robbery
Six losers, get together in a cell, hate the cops, want revenge, decide to rob a bank, plan, execute and are successful, almost. This entire act, had more holes than a “swiss cheese”.
# Act 2: Who is the cop?
One of the six is an undercover cop (UC).
Let us play a game – “The guess is right”.
Behind:
* Door # 1: Major (Amitabh Bachchan), a master thief whose wife is ailing. He wants to lead a good life but his project plan does not get approved. Is he the UC. Maybe?
* Door # 2: Ajju (Sanjay Dutt), a street rowdy, foul mouthed, chain smoker, claims to not understand English, but suddenly speaks it fluently, he is the one who captures an LAPD cop as hostage. Maybe he is the one – maybe not?
* Door # 3: Mac (Lucky Ali), pretty quiet , background is unknown, has been an acquaintance since the last six months, is the only casualty during the encounter with LAPD after the robbery, saves the life of Major – maybe he is the UC?
* Door # 4: Mark (Sunil Shetty), bouncer in a strip club, more brawn than brain, has a girlfriend Lisa (more about her later), has a quick temper – can he be the UC?
* Door # 5: Balli (Mahesh Manjrekar), he is a total scumbag, funny hairpiece, stammers while talking, spews sewerage during conversation, has a retarded sister – he exhibits all the qualities of a UC. Is he the one?
* Door # 6: Andy (Kumar Gaurav) – why did he have to come out of retirement? His face looks like a sex-change operation gone sour. He had a good debut in “Love Story”, did a decent job years later in “Naam” with Sanjay Dutt. I almost forgot, he is the progeny of the famous Jubilee Kumar who perennially had a constipated face. He is a software specialist – maybe he is the one?
Which door would you choose?
# Act 3: The anti climax
Let us begin with a riddle – “How many guns, can a gunman handle, if a gunman, can handle guns?” (Sounds like the famous tongue twister – “How much wood, could a woodchuck chuck, if a wood chuck, could chuck wood” )
Let us see now, there are 6 crooks, so twelve hands so there should be 12 guns.
One of them dies (who is it?, whodunit ? – doesn’t matter) – focus on the number of possible guns. With two less hands, there should 10 guns.
Now, the “sex-change operation gone sour” guy – can he handle a gun – no way – so that leaves us with 8 guns.
Door # 3 – Mak, is wounded during the encounter – remember – he can handle only one gun – so the final answer is 7 guns. Lock kiya jaye? Sure.
That is how stupid the movie ended.
Songs
The first time I saw the songs – I was distracted with gyrating rear-ends, fish net stocking and plenty of flesh – some belonging to Mallika and some to Isha. I did not enjoy the songs. Later I only heard the songs sans flesh, which were good.
Source code
Here is the source code for the movie – in case somebody wants to clone it again and create another dolly .
Char (kill, 1) + char (threaten, 5) + char (maim, 2) + char (kidnap, 4) + char(steal, 2) + char (murder, 5)
In conclusion
This is a nonsense movie, which ’’tests’’ your patience and ’’tries’’ your intelligence - or the other way around? I would give this a 0/5 and would not recommend it. If you have not yet seen this movie, you are one lucky person.