Disclaimer: I did not write this in the hope of changing the mindset of millions of Hindi cine-goers who seem to revel in the mediocrity of the so-called ?bid budget? extravaganzas that Bollywood has made a habit of churning out year after year. This is not a ?review? of the movie, but a heartfelt outpouring of a cheated cinema enthusiast.
I was at my local DVD store with my room-mate on Friday evening. Our timing was utterly wrong. The look on Dileep’s (the guy who runs the place) face said enough to convey that all movies that we would be most likely to rent were probably inside other DVD players in other homes across Bangalore. We desperately needed something to watch on Saturday, since the Indo-Pak cricket match and the fight for second place at the German Grand Prix would occupy most of Sunday.
We were faced with the prospect of renting from one of three categories, bad Tamil, bad American or bad Hindi movies. We chose to rent ?Kal Ho na Ho?. It?s unnecessary to say it has good actors in Shah Rukh, ?Pretty? Zinta & Saif and very good music by Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy. Since it was from the famed Karan Johar stable we hoped that the movie would excel the abysmal hopes we had from it.
The introduction sequence was very well done. ?Main Naina Catherine Kapur, aur yeh meri kahani hai?. It probably set a very good tone for what was to come, or so we thought.
Three hours later? yes, a full three hours later we were grateful to see the end credits rolling. There were tears of joy running down our cheeks, joy that cannot be expressed in words.
The Karan Johar tearjerker factory has managed to pull off another mediocre blockbuster. Once more they have successfully taken advantage of the dumbness of the millions of movie-goers. I bet Nikhil Advani, Karan Johar and co. must have concealed peals of laughter as they were giving serious interviews about the movie. The film reminded me of a superb movie by Nagesh Kukunoor called ?Bollywood calling? in which Om Puri plays a south Indian producer who describes his movies as ?A bundle of songs, fights, emotions, sentiments??
KHNH has all of the above minus the fights. I am not against sentiments or songs in films. Or even fights for that matter. My only concern is about whether the film makes me care about the characters that are fighting, crying or laughing. A good movie will make you identify with the character?s joy or sorrow. This one did not. When Aman (Shah Rukh) cries about giving up his love for Preity to his mom, you do not identify with his sorrow.
There is so much self-pity in this movie that it makes you think if it?s possible for a man wallowing so much in self-pity to actually be as confident and happy-go-lucky as he is in the other scenes. Almost every one of the characters in this movie has something to cry about. And typically, when they cry, so do all the others around them, the brothers, sisters, the neighbors, and practically anyone else in the frame. And even as they pass their days crying, they never forget to don designer outfits and do their eye lashes perfectly.
Thankfully, there is one character that does not cry. Rohit Patel, played by Saif effectively, is a very cheerful character, who takes success and failure in his stride and is very normal. Hence, he becomes a misfit for the movie. (I saw Saif in Hum Tum a few days earlier, and I sincerely believe he is destined for greater things.)
I read somewhere that this movie ?showcased? NY City in a different way. I do not agree. Woody Allen and Sidney Lumet, are just two out of many illustrious film-makers whose vision of NY showed the world what the city was all about. The intro sequence said something about NYC being so crowded and full of life, but not using it anywhere else in the movie made us wonder if the movie was ironically mocking at its own lack of ?life?.
Bollywood is suffering from EDS (Excessive Dumbness Syndrome), but that is not stopping itself from making strides in the technical department. The cinematography was first rate. The sync-sound was faultless. The soundtrack of the movie was a hit, but Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy could do very little to save this wreck of a movie. The lilting signature tune of the movie is hacked to death and played on a variety of instruments over and over again. We were wonderstruck by how we were sick of the song by the end of the movie.
The supporting cast in the movie is headed by Mrs. Bachchan. I use her last name because I could not see Jaya Badhuri anywhere. I did not like her in ?Kum Kushi Jyaada Ghum? and she makes the same mistakes again. Then there?s ?Lajjoji?, the almost evil grandmother and her friends, who look more like caricatures than cartoons. Was that Dara Singh? One can easily mistake him to be reprising the role of ?Hanuman? from the Ramayan, as he doesn?t move his lips this time around too. Shah Rukh?s impeccable timing is wasted on inane comedy sequences with each of these characters. These scenes are incapable of making us smile a little, let alone drawing the laughs.
The cover and the menu of the DVD claimed that the movie was ?A story of a life time? in a heartbeat?. This has to be longest heartbeat at three hours and anyone proclaiming it to be ?Dead on Arrival? can be easily forgiven.
Watching it, I couldn?t help wonder that there was a good movie lurking somewhere on the shiny surface of the DVD, but the producer and director had done their best to keep it out of my reach. This movie could have so easily been effective at a length of around 90-120 minutes, but that is what Bollywood is currently all about: would haves, could haves and should haves.
Footnote: There was 25 minutes worth of deleted scenes on the DVD. I am thankful to the director for sparing theatre goers the extra 25 minutes of torture. It is not enough to include ?The Making of the movie? and deleted scenes on the DVD and mimic Hollywood. The Karan Johars of this world ought to learn to think like the Americans first before they start imitating them in other departments. Until that time, they will only ?Wannabees?.