Let me begin with an honest confession - I seriously wanted to like Kisna. The promos were good, I liked the haunting Ham hain is pal yahaan song, and I liked Isha Sharavani’s face. And I also pitied that Subhash Ghai hadn’t had a hit since ages.
That said, I now declare that Kisna was the lousiest, crappiest, sickest, most misdirected, thrashiest film ever crafted in Hindi cinema. It seemed as if Subhash Ghai had gone on a break and the actors directed (?) themselves. But it explains one thing - why the good actors in the film like Amrish Puri and even Vivek Oberoi are hiding their faces behind atrocious facial hair.
Kisna begins with the hammiest acting by a group of journos hounding a multi-filthy-rich Brit old lady, Lady Catherine, who has donated 3500 crores (or some such other vulgar amount) to India. And she has a tale to tell. God, it would have been better had she kept her mouth sealed.
The tale happens to be that of Kisna, her childhood cuddlybums, who is disliked by her Lord Curzonish father like hell. So when Kisna plays the most beautiful tune in the film, that of the above mentioned song, on his flute and Cathy hugs him, out she gets bundled to England. This is circa 1935. She returns in May 1947, with grown assets, and scouts for Kisna. But things aren’t hunky dory any longer. Kisna’s brother is a ’revolutionary’, so is his uncle, played by Amrish Puri who are after all Brit blood in sight. Meanwhile, Kisna gets engaged to Laxmi, played by Isha Sharavani, which gives her a chance to get bedecked for her engagement.
This includes a bathing scene with Isha needlessly showing her thighs, and a censor snip, before the camera lines up with her face. Yuck! If they want to make a semi-porn film, why don?t they make it straightaway?
So the first Brit to fall is Catherine?s father, and hordes of other able-bodied men, but the frail Catherine and her mother survive. Catherine is discovered by Kisna, who might be loving her, it is not clarified at this point. Kisna?s mother, played by Zarina Wahab, surpasses all screen mothers and tells Kisna to safely escort Catherine to Delhi so that she may escape to her country from there. It seems that now the country is free from all Brits except Catherine and her mother Jennifer and now the revolutionaries are only after the blood of these two hapless women.
Bingo! Here comes the revelation that Amrish Puri and company are not actually revolutionaries, but wayside brigands out to make a fast buck out of the political turmoil in India. This in fact turns out to be the most insightful part of the story, which is so poorly etched that it becomes a farce.
If you are still with the movie (I was, for I had heard of the fantastic Shiamak Davar choreographed dream sequence post interval), you will have to suffer various misadventures of Kisna and Catherine in the movie, which now reduces to a mediocre road movie. Even Vivek Oberoi?s ?Road? was a classic compared to this. Assisting the cast-offs are people like Vivek Mushran, Hrishitaa Bhatt, Om Puri and hold your breath, Sushmita Sen, looking every inch the Miss Universe she is. But what the ho! The movie is crap. Such embellishments do nothing for it.
There is an attempt to show the partition riots, but I think Ghai should be shot for trivializing the gravity of the issue. If people abroad watch these sequences, they?d get the impression that the partition riots were some sort of street-wars. It is so humiliating to watch the blood-curdling riots going on and on the same street Kisna fighting with the hounding prince over Catherine. The rioters seem oblivious to these three.
There is also a scene in which Kisna runs through a crowd of sword-wielding rioters shouting Catherine?s name. And the cherry on the cake, there is a scene almost showing Catherine?s crack through a grill as the prince attempts to rape her.
The most revolting aspect of the movie is its climax. Kisna, who truly, madly, deeply, falls in love with Catherine gives her up just because he?s engaged to Laxmi, who he doesn?t love one bit. He breaks the heart of a woman he truly loves and who truly loves him just because he?s obliged to someone else on flimsy grounds. BTW there isn?t a single romantic scene in the whole movie of Kisna and Laxmi. If this is what an ideal Indian hero ought to be, then sorry, kuchh hajam nahin huaa.
Of the cast, Vivek Oberoi has seen better days. His role in Company and Kisna cannot even be spoken off in the same breath. After the utterly regressive ?Masti? and the superdud ?Kyon! Ho gaya naa?? this is very bad news for him. Isha Sharvani has nothing to do except dangle from trees and weep. Every review said she ought to be in the Gemini Circus. I wondered why. Now I know. Antonia Bernath emotes well and is surely eye-candy, but she isn?t a patch on any of our Indian actresses.
Amrish Puri must be squirming in his grave, this is surely not a good way to remember him. I love him a lot. Sushmita Sen is the only shining star in the whole goulash. But the song picturised on her is so poor, it is a wonder two of our greatest musicians, Ismail Darbar and A. R. Rehman put it together. Rajat Kapoor who plays the prince chasing Antonia gets his glory to play the main villain, but he exudes as much terror as a baby with a Halloween mask on.
I am still nostalgic for Ghai?s ?Ram Lakhan?. I felt Kisna would be something in similar vein. It was embarrassing to sit in the movie hall, which had not even 100 people in it, that too on Republic Day, when I watched the film.
In conclusion, I?d just put one comment by one of the viewers as he left the cinema: ?Aisa lagta hai jaise gudde-guddi ka khel khilaya hai.?