The rains have stopped and I’m flipping through channels. I land on the channel with a blue S in a green box. Kkusum is on....
I must be a bloomin idiot to write about this... because 90 peeps have already written on it. But hey, its a non-rainy day and what do I have to lose...
For starters, whats with the two K’s at the beginning... must be the Ku Klux without the Klan...
Technically half the Indian subcontinent knows whats happening in Kkusum. I’ve watched a few episodes on a rainy day and even I gathered the plot. In case you didnt, here’s the er... ’story’
The Shtory
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There’s this rich dude Abhay who has lots of money (of course... thats why I said rich dude). Observe Abhay carefully and you’ll see he never keeps his mouth shut (er no offense mouthshut.com, I mean... he doesnt close his mouth... ).
Abhay was married to the central character Kkusum. He has a daughter with her who’s named Kkumud... er Kumud. Now Abhay has a roll in the hay with another chick called Mahi... and she has a daughter called Kali. He eventually marries Mahi who has a nasty streak to her. Mahi plots to get rid of Kkusum but fails...
blah blah blah and some more blah blah...
Two wives, two daughters, a mother-in-law, a mother... I wouldnt want to be in this dude’s shoes...
Purpose of this jotting
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Its simple. My good friend Ekta Kapoor is stuck. She needs help in devising a suitable ending for this serial which will happen in 2017. Lets help her...
So... now to devise an ending for this
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The Typical Ending
Abhay marries Kkusum, Mahi ends up in a mental hospital, Kumud has a bouncing baby boy and Kali goes to Australia to do a course in boomerang throwing as all her plans boomerang on her... the same mundane, melancholic Kkusum tune is remixed by Bappi Lahiri and played at the climax. All’s well that ends well.
The Anti-climax Ending
Kkusum becomes a sanyasin. Abhay has 3 more kids with Mahi. Kali becomes Managing Director of Abhay’s business. Kumud leaves town with her husband.
The Scooby Doo Ending
It is revealed that Abhay is actually an alien from Mars. Four pesky kids and a dog uncover the whole thing... Abhay says the final line of the serial ’’I would have gotten away with it if it werent for those pesky kids.... ’’ SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOO
The Ramsay Ending
Kkusum gets bitten by Mahi and turns to Dracula’s sister. She goes on a biting spree and bites everyone including Abhay who enjoys it. The whole cast becomes vampires and in the end a tantric makes his entry and splashes cow urine on all of them and disposes them off.
The Sooraj Bharjatya Ending
A song happens. Then Mahi dies when she slips on a bar of soap in the bathroom. It was Lux Soap... like I said ’’her good LUX runs out’’... before she dies, she hands over Abhay’s hand to Kkusum... they all cry for 10 episodes while the Kkusum tune plays in the background... Mahi eventually dies... Kkusum adopts Kali... they all sing a nice song and dance... and the THE END sign comes up.
The Bold and the Beautiful ending
Abhay has an affair with everyone including his mom-in-law, sister-in-law etc. Several children and intimate scenes later, the producers get a letter from the channel telling them to extend the serial to 10 more years or till Abhay dies... whichever is earlier.
The South Indian flick Ending
Kkusum and Mahi confront each other. 20 henchmen try to kidnap Kkusum and kill her. Abhay breaks through the ceiling in a Bullet (ONE BULLETAAAA) and rides all over the place... including the ceiling, staircase, chandelier etc. He single handedly destroys all the henchmen, leaps off the Bullet, lands on his feet, throws a GOLD FLAKE into the air, shoots it with a gun and catches the lit ciggie in his mouth...
Mahi tries to stab Kkusum but slips (this time not on a LUX soap but a LIFEBUOY one...) and she accidentally stabs herself... she makes weird gestures and dies... Kkusum runs in slow motion... Abhay runs in slow motion... and they show two flowers meeting...
Overall
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I bet people like this serial. Its been going on for a while. So three stars? sure... why not :)
Any more possibilities??? Any more endings??? I leave that to you my friend... you have a creative mind... now attack the comments section ;)
~finis~