How to be a sensitive lover in 10 simple steps: by Karan Johar
Step 1: Ignore the feelings of love a tomboyish girl harbors for you (any blind retard would know that she loves him). Also, ridicule her in front of classmates reducing her to tears.
Step 2: Trample all over her feelings by wooing a college hottie right in front of her eyes. To make her feel worse, face her and say I love you 6-8 times without clarifying that you are merely practising it for the hottie.
Step 3: Marry the college hottie, who later dies while childbirth.
Step 4: After 8 years, feel a sudden surge of love for the tomboy, build up a fondness for her you neither felt nor displayed hitherto.
Step 5: Hunt for this tomboy ably supported by your mind-grating brat of a daughter.
Step 6: Return to her long after she has gotten over you, and lay claim on her like an ancestral plot of land.
Step 7: Cast doubts in her mind about marrying an eligible bachelor, who incidentally is better looking, loves her tenderly, is seemingly richer and has no added appendages like mind-grating daughters.
Step 8: Mess her marriage up by weeping copiously during the ceremonies, get your mom and daughter along to shed more tears.
Step 9: Chase the eligible bachelor away
Step 10: Marry the girl 8 years too late, after having sown all your wild oats with the dead college hottie. Obviously the post – domestication tomboy will now make a good wife and a good mother to your daughter. Congratulations!
I was surprised why this movie did not raise the hackles of feminists. And the tomboy…does she have a mind or not? Later Sensitive Lover accepts her as marriage material only after she is suitably domesticated (that means donning heavy silk costumes, applying kilos of make up, wearing everything available in Tribhovandas Bhimji Zaveri, and losing to him in basketball.)
The result:
Girls loved Shahrukh Khan’s character (“Rahul is so sweet.. he is so cute..”) Somehow, I missed the point!
A superhit is declared. The movie sweeps all important Filmfare awards, (I stopped watching the awards function after this), spawns many rip-offs of its dosti –pyaar theme (that’s why I did not want to see Mere Yaar Ki Shaadi, Mujhse Dosti Karoge and their ilk), encourages director Karan Johar to come up with a soppier, sicker, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. He should pick up tips on theme selection and story telling from Farhan Akhtar (Dil Chahta Hai). One can only hope he doesn’t make a third equally sickening flick maybe titled Kabhi Kuch Kuch Kabhi Kuch Nahi Hota Hai (K5H2)
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was conceptually one of the worst love stories ever written. Terribly sexist and flawed. The lead character, Rahul was selfish without any justification. The only upside was the breezy music score by Jatin-Lalit, and of course the leading ladies.
Cast:
Sensitive loverboy: Shahrukh Khan
Tomboy treated shabbily: Kajol
College hottie to lust for: Rani Mukherji
Eligible bachelor chased away: Salman Khan