When you are a mile high in the sky and six more hours of the travel are ticking by slowly, what better way to twiddle thy thumbs than to watch a slick bollywood flick featuring the stars of the industry in the most absurd, nonsense and #@$%!& movie I’ve ever seen.
Starring Vivek Oberoi, Aiswarya Rai, Big B, Tinu Anand, Om Puri, Rati Agnihotri (looks gorgeous for her age) and (oh God!) an appearance by Suni(e)l Shetty. (Talk about distorting the spellings here) .
I neither know who directed this movie nor do I know the brains behind the
production. All I’m aware of is this little bits of the words on the
flight’s video screen. This movie has been edited and trimmed to fit
your viewing screen and flight duration (God bless this soul).
VO is a happy-go-lucky-dont-care kinda boy. I think he has a passion for Rallying. The opening sequence shows the ending stages of the Coffee Day International Rally and VO is challenging a character called Banna (who christened his name?) for the challenger trophy. But a devastating curve misleads him (ok, its only the road’s curve) and VO’s car spins crazy in a huge cloud of track dust. Hmm...that was a close finish for a rally. Are we talking F1 here? Poor fellow loses & is only the second best. Mommy doesn’t like his rallying (you ask why? Oh! please, don’t bother. Did you ask why? after you watched the movie).
Meanwhile Mommy is coming back home from somewhere. Daddy Puri calls up sonny boy VO and threatens him ’’Beta ya to tum mummy se pehle ghar pahuncho, nahin to mummy wahan aayegi’’ (Son, either you come home first or mommy will come over there). Now this is where the inevitable happens. In the railroad station VO crosses path with Aish. Its just a passing glance, (remember like the one in DDLJ & KHNH).
Poor VO is conned by an uncle who vanishes into thin air with VO’s almost empty bag. The God sitting up, up & above showers further agony on VO when the train’s canteen boy spills all the food on VO. VO has to go home no matter what. (Aakhir zindagi aur maut ka sawal hai). So he dresses up as a canteen boy, serves coke (not the drug, but the fizz called Coca Cola!!!) on the train, earns some hourly wages and voila reaches home. And waat a coincidence I say, Aish is on the same train too.
But in God’s home there is always light never darkness (umm...not sure how
this one sounds in Hindi). Aish also comes to stay at VO’s house as a guest. She is papa Puri’s friend’s (Tinu Anand) lone daughter. From here starts the usual plot of any bollywood romantic movie. The elders in both the family want VO to marry Aish. Aish won’t marry a stranger at any cost, as she believes that to marry, you gotta love first. So the parents hatch a sinister plan in which VO & Aish will get to know each other and then may agree for a marriage. Wow! (Mom, Dad are you
listening?).
Aish scores a point with VO, when she helps him win a bowling match (not the cricket one, the likes of those played in a bowling alley). Things get sore when VO at his friend’s B’day party plays a prank by lighting up the skies (Diwali ishtyle) with the words I love you Diya -- Vinay (Vinay is the B’day boy).
(And lighting up the skies, phew! David Copperfield would die of asphyxiation if he saw this).
But natural, poor Aish’s emotions are played with and ridiculed. She leaves VO’s place and goes back to her own. VO’s realises that Aish loves him and now he must win her heart back.
Back at Aish’s place she is into all sorts of social works (like removing poverty, world peace, helping orphan kids)...(ok...ok only the last one is shown in this flick). And helping her with the orphan kids is none other than the Big B. I have not seen the Big B with such silly expressions and a terribly wasteful role since the eons of Lal Badshah.
God! his grins and screams are so so irritating and downright silly. Looks like the Big B was restrained from using even an iota of his gray cells. Rest of the story is woefull, awful and unwatchful. The Big B whos the uncle in movie now hatches another sinister plot to make VO realise the value of what he has lost. Suniel Shetty is his trump card in a cat and
mouse game. I dont want to exert myself further by keying that stuff. Watch the movie if you really like to bore yourself to death.
This movie can simply be avoided like rat plague, sea sickness or an epidemic. Aaw...I couldn’t even throw myself out of the window you know. ’’The End’’ of the review and ’’I couldn’t sleep happily for the rest of the flight’’.
PS: Any fans of VO & Aish, pls spare me. A spade is a spade is a spade :-).