Hello, and welcome to Wah! Kya Bakwaas Hai! No, it is not another pathetic Indian Talk Show like ’’Butt Munch... Oh, I mean Jaan Manch’’. This is an one hour special program about the Bollywood movies of 2004 we LOVE to HATE! Today’s presentation is based on the biggest hit of the year ’’Main Hoon Na’’... Starring ’’I-forgot-how-to-act’’ Shah Rukh Khan, ’’A-disgrace-to-women’’ Sushmita Sen, ’’Funny-mouse-looking-man-with-long-hair’’ Zayed Khan, ’’Ishq-vishq-revisited-girl’’ Amrita Arora-or-Rao, ’’One-dialogue-only’’ Naseeruddin Shah, ’’Have-nothing-else-to-do’’ Kabir Bedi, ’’Wished-Devdas-to-come-back’’ Kirron Kher, ’’I-hate-my-life-and-my-wig’’ Suniel Shetty & the others in which I wish to kill.
Thank God for Hum Tum quickly releasing and pushing MHN off the box-office! But that’s another story....
Okay, you all know the damn story... So, should I go on with the bloopers, acting criticism, or the special interviews with the cast???
Well, well, well, look who just walked in! It’s the cast of Main Hoon Na! Yes! It’s true! They walked in together like they were the family from K3G!!!
Okay, now the first question goes to newcomer of Bollywood, Amrita Rao.
Me: Amrita, now what made you interested to star as Sanjana of ’’MHN’’, even though it had similar characteristics as the person you played in ’’Ishq Vishq’’?
AR: Okay, now first of all, I wasn’t in ’’Girlfriend’’.
Me: Um... I wasn’t talking about Girlfriend...
AR: No, no, I just want to clear that out first...
Me: ...Okay...
AR: Oh, what was the question again?
Me: The character you played in ’’MHN’’ was the similar character you played in ’’Ishq Vishq’’.. . What made you do the same role again?
AR: Well, duh! It had SRK in it! Starring in films with big stars of Bollywood would make me famous... Right? I mean, who cares!
Me: Eh... Now to Zayed Khan...
ZK: (childish voice) THAT’S ME!!!
Me: Quiet down please... My question for you is, why were you so mentally retarded in the film?
ZK: Oh, Farah did this really cool thing where she didn’t tell me if the camera was on or not, so she told me just do whatever I feel like...
Me: So, basically you are telling me that the scenes where you were actually acting, they were cut off?
ZK: (speaking gibberish) HABOOLAAAIIIEEEIIOOOOUO ZOOOOUIEIFDL PPPFFFTTTT!!!
Me: Security! Get him out of here!!! Now onto Sushmita Sen... For the first time, you actually played as a weak, trashy woman where all you ever did in the film was dance vulgarly, wear clothes which made the male audience drool, and speak like Betty Boop.. Comparing to the previous good films you worked on like Filhaal, Samay, Aankhen and Dastak, why did you do this? Why? Why? Why? Why were you a disgrace?!?!
SS: I don’t care! I needed a hit film!! I need to be a big star! That Aishwarya Rai is killing me!!! I’ll do anything.. anything.. ANYTHING!!! (Screams horrifyingly and runs off like a crazy lunatic)
Me: Okay.. The environment is getting creepy around here... Farah Khan.. Just a quick question. As a debut of being a director... Why couldn’t you come up with original ideas? Why did you have to copy classic legendary scenes/songs/remarks just to fool people so that they wouldn’t remember what is wrong with the film?
FK: Duh.. You have to ask SRK.. He’s my BEST FRIEND!
SRK: I am not your stupid friend!!! I bought you that car so you can get off my stupid back!
Me: Oh... SRK... I didn’t know you were here...
SRK: Of course I am here... Heeeheeeheee... Main Hoon Na!.... Get it?
Me:...Yes...
SRK: Why the hell were you interviewing these little rascals who have no future! I am THE ONE... Hhhhheey, I am SRK.. The King Khan! The...
Me: Okay, okay... I have a ’’special’’ question for you... How did you feel about the fact that
’’MHN’’ is an exact copy of a highly successful Chinese Film called ’’I Am Here For You!’’
SRK: Oh.. I didn’t know that... (runs off frantically)
Me: Why the hell is everyone running away from me?? NO WONDER YOUR FILM SUCK! Oh by the way, the Chinese film is true... The Chinese title is called something else but translated into I Am Here For You! Exact storyline and everything!
Unfortunately, the rest of the cast could not make it to the interview..... I don’t know why... But they couldn’t okay?
You know why I hated the film? Because there were so many clichés! More and more, as we go one with the film! Girl loves boy, boy is stupidly blind to see it... SRK is adopted, ruins the family, the main story is forgotten until we get to the ending, blah, blah, blah...
I was expecting so much out of this film... Since it had some references to the army, I thought we would be seeing respect to the soldiers and how hard they work... But no.. There was no scene like this... It was about one man, trying to save people with their pathetic lives by just saying... ’’Mmmmmaaiiin Hhhhhooon Nnnnnaaaa’’. I swear, every person who had a problem, SRK would say... MHN! MHN! MHN! MHN!!!
Every scene was die - hard corny... The same old stupidness, unrealistic stuff and people claim it is pure masala? Whatever... [If I am not being useful for you in this review... Then don’t bother reading on...]
People must end with the college funda films! How many times are we going to see these kinds of crap? And, someone please help me, and answer to my question.. Why are most colleges they show in movies are like High Schools?
ACTING CRITICISM:
Naseeruddin Shah: Totally wasted in this film... The most part I hated was when he says to Kirron Kher about his affair, ’’Come on, it was a mistake’’ - Who the hell says that when you are unfaithful to your spouse and end up having an illegitimate child?!?! There were oh so many bloopers during his 10 minute presence. If he was Bedi’s special security guard and his responsibility to take care of him, how come he takes forever to come and rescue Bedi when Shetty terrorizes the show?
Kirron Kher: She was alright in the film. She didn’t have much to do.. But her acting was better than she did in Devdas with her special ’’dhuga-dhuga’’ dialogues.. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop myself from laughing hysterically... By the way, is it me or did Kher forgot to act terrified when your house has no electricity going on and you are alone, and then all of the sudden a stranger man just walks right into your house? Who could possibly be a serial killer, robber or an ex-con??? What the hell was that??? And, how come, she didn’t know that her ex-husband has died???
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