The first step to success in Bollywood is the screen name - Raj.
I should be given a Nobel Prize. The benevolent soul I am, I still haven’t sued Shah Rukh Khan. In each and every movie of his, he uses my name and converts into a French name by rolling the R’s as the French do.
’’Heyheyhey, I am Rrrrrraj, n-n-n-naam to suna hoga, haan?’’
But there is a limit to tolerance. While I enjoyed the SRK flicks wherein he fed pigeons and stole beer, or for that matter, played the violin with a sweater around his neck, I couldn’t tolerate what happened last year.
The movie was Chalte Chalte and SRK was as usual, named Raj. I don’t know why, but he decided that instead of belonging to Class: Mammalia, he would rather be an example of Class: Amphibia. Which is why he started jumping in the fields to the jiggy beat of ’Tum Burrak Nama Nama Nama’. It was indeed the last straw and I couldn’t see my name being insulted any further. I warned him that I will kill Karan Johar if he continues to use my name and so, Shah Rukh used the name Aman for Kal Ho Na Ho.
I guess that some chap called Aman may have warned SRK now because in his latest flick, Shah Rukh has used a unique name - ’Na’. After all, the film is titled Mein Hoon Na (My name is Na)!
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I don’t know whether the frog community of India took objection at SRK mimicking them, but this time, Shah Rukh has decided that he would rather be a goat. After all, according to the title, if somebody asks him, ’’Kaun hai na?’’ he would reply, ’’Me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-me-main!’’
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Yet, in spite of the goats connection, I love the title. As Shah Rukh reminds his detractors that he still very much there, the title reminds me of the phrase I tell this girl in my class who laments that she is single. ’’You want someone? Mein hoon na!’’
After flying in the air as she choreographed ’Woh ladki hai kahan’, Farah Khan has decided to handle the directorial reins with Main Hoon Na, which stars Shah Rukh Khan, Boman Irani, Naseerudin Shah, Kabir Bedi, Zayed Khan, Sushmita Sen, Amrita Rao and Suniel Shetty.
Don’t be decieved by the promos which promise a laugh-a-minute riot with a 30 year old man going back to school for the true premise of the story is much deeper. Shah Rukh plays Major Ramprasad Sharma (Golmaal, anyone?) who enrols as a student in the school where Amrita Rao studies to protect her. The beautiful damsel is in danger as she is the daughter of another army official (Kabir Bedi). Contrary to popular opinion, Zayed Khan does NOT play SRK’s brother in this flick. The role was first offered to Hrithik Roshan, who had to opt out when the film got delayed due to SRK’s back problems.
The preview pictures promise a lot, with Sunil Shetty playing a Physics professor, with a getup which reminds me of Professor Severus Snape of Harry Potter fame. And teaching Physics is certainly not about getting physical, for Shetty is actually a terrorist. The director has not spared efforts to scream above the roof tops that her film will be SRK’s greatest hit, but then, do you expect a director to say that her own film is not good? However great (or horrible) the film may be, I wish Farah Khan, Suniel Shetty and Anu Malik, in particular, would shut up for the moment and let their work (or the lack of it) do the talking when the film releases, come April. If you are wondering what Anu Malik has said, sample this quote.
’’Farah Khan’s brother Sajid Khan told me that my music reminds him of the late R D Burman.’’
Anu Malik ... R D Burman - II? That sounds even funnier than Tusshar Kapoor being in a love triangle featuring two girls!
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Main Hoon Na, the title track, which is already on television nowadays is a great track. The mild piece of guitaring at the beginning is a straight lift from the guitaring at the beginning of the title song of ’Ishq Vishk’ (which was incidently set to tune by Anu Malik himself). But, post the copying and pasting, this song makes for great listening. Don’t go by the promos which have Sonu Nigam crooning. Nigam sings the song quite well, but the piece de resistance is undoubtedly Shreya Ghosal. I didn’t think much of her voice in Devdas, but after two scintillating songs in Bipasha’s Jism (pun intended!), she has improved greatly. Her voice is melodious, playful and yet, controlled. Brilliant! The lyrics are impressive as well and the title track is a winner.
Rating: 9/10.
Tumse Milke Dilka Jo Haal is a qawali, a forgotten genre of music in today’s films. I just wish that Malik wouldn’t try to combine the qawali with genres like pop, rap, rock, added to Aftab Sabri and Hashim Sabri screaming at the top of their voices. Oh, I even forgot that Sonu Nigam, in this song, has a characteristic ’’Haye’’ before each line, which is reminiscent of the way Karan Johar says ’’Haye’’ on seeing Shah Rukh! Yet, this song appeals in parts, that is, in the parts, when the qawali sticks to being one, and doesn’t venture into the other genres. Javed Akhtar’s lyrics are praiseworthy.
Rating: 6.5/10.
Tumhe Jo Maine Dekha is a number which Shah Rukh breaks into while Sushmita Sen teaches Chemistry! The music is nothing to crow about, and sounds quite familiar to say the truth. The saving grace however are the singers. Abhijeet has always sung well while singing for Shah Rukh (Yes Boss, Asoka, Chalte Chalte), while Shreya Ghosal endorses BPL. In other words, she is better than the best!
Rating: 7/10.
Gori Gori is where Anu Malik yields the mic himself, along with Shreya Ghosal and Sunidhi Chauhan. The number is quite obviously ’inspired’ by a Shammi Kapoor number. You can almost expect to hear Rafi Saab’s voice, but when Malik sings instead in his voice which sounds like Nana Patekar having a sore throat, screaming meaningless lyrics, the result is disaster.
Rating: 4.5/10.
Chale Jaise Hawaein is an upbeat number, sung by KK and the husky Vasundhara Das. However, yours truly not being a great fan of female singers who put on a husky voice to sound male, I didn’t like this number.
Rating: 4/10.
Main Hoon Na (sad version) is where sanity is restored. This version is sung by Abhijeet and his voice is amazingly controlled. Add to that some great music from Malik and great lyrics from Javed saab and you have a winner!
Rating: 9/10.
Yeh Fizaein is a song I am looking forward to see on the silver screen. The reason? It features Boman Irani aka Dr. J. Asthana of Munnabhai MBBS dancing in tandem with Shah Rukh, Sushmita and Zayed! The music is decent and KK and Alka Yagnik are in fine form, though one misses Shreya.
Rating: 6.5/10.
Main Hoon Na (Remix) is the Sooraj Barjatya version of the title track. A great track is mixed with absurd rap pieces, ludicrous beats and instruments that seem to have gone wrong. Add to that the constant trumpeting which reminds me of the wedding songs in Barjatya’s Hum Aapke Hai Kaun. Remix ne original ko (Sooraj) Barbaad Kiya!
Rating: 3/10.
All in all, the track boats of two great numbers and 2-3 hummable ones, which might be enhanced on screen, if the choreographer turned director does her job well. Buy the album as soon as possible because it is reported that Maneka Gandhi wants to ban this film as it insults goats ... Me-me-me-me-me-me-me ... !!!