Word of caution: The normal laws of physics most certainly do not apply here. Read and experiment at your own risk.
#1 - Law of Confirmed Stupidity
Whenever someone knowingly and in full conscious state undergoes the torture of viewing an already highly thrashed movie in the pretext of giving company to some out-stationed colleagues.
Corollary 1
The impact of the above hara-kiri is increased by a factor of 5 when its forcible thrust upon you instead of another alien flick you wanted to watch.
Corollary 2
The impact is increased by a factor of 10 if the show timings are 9-12 in the night.
#2 - Law of Unexciting Bharjatya-ism
The BODY – Kareena Kapoor, whether in motion or rest, is a spoilt brat, scantily clad, highly annoying and always shrieking and belong to an overly caring family that has pesky parrot and irritatingly animated doggy along with extremely appreciative/ thoughtful parents, all of whom live in palatial homes at picturesque location complete with snow-cap mountains, sea-shores, temperate grasslands and tropical forests.
#3 - Law of Inherent Dumbness
Whenever someone doesn’t know how to use Yahoo attachments, forgets to ask for the full name and brings home the Wrong Body – Hrithik Roshan, beguile him with saccharine hospitality, shove the bratty in his face, encourage its ensnaring and later try to retrace but repeat the actions with a Right Body – Abhishek Bachchan.
#4 - Law of Over Dramatic Emphasis or Third Degree Torture
Scenes involving extreme amounts of melodrama, emotional outbursts, Valentine’s Day celebrations hosted by a screeching squawky scrawny Alien Body - Ruby Bhatia, constant naggings of a highly irritating Mother Body – Himani Shivpuri, helpless ruminations of Father Body – Pankaj Kapoor, Jiggling of bubbly bimbo Friendly BODIES, fervent necking with strange amusing facial expressions of Bratty and the Wrong Body, no role/idea whatsoever Body– Johny Lever, glum sullen dispositions of Right Body and an equally put off yet another Mother Body – Rima Lagoo.
#5 - Law of Ultrasonic Amplification or Transient Hearing Impairment or Musical Omnipotence
When all the Bodies and the playback singers display their near absent crooning abilities. The effect is persistent in case of Bratty Body’s singing, first to drive away (Ban ke Panchi) and then to enchant the Wrong Body (Aa ee ye aa aa oo, Sanjana Loves youuuuuu)
Subsidiary Laws
a. Law of Animatronics
All actions in all time and in all scenes of Bratty Body prove its extraordinary capacity of mimicking Cartoon Network characters.
b. Law of Over Histrionics
All actions in all time and in all scenes of Wrong Body prove its lack of any acting competence
c. Law of Dramatic Null
All actions in all time and in all scenes of Right Body show its performance value to be a near equivalent of the Absolute Zero.
#6 - Law of Consistent Predictability
Right Body falls for Bratty, Happy Song.
Bratty Body in a fix owing to Family pressure, Sad Song.
Wrong Body works for and is a friend of Right Body, Happy song.
Wrong Body wants to sacrifice love in name of friendship, Sad Song.
One Engagement ceremony, Whatever song.
And then, Enlightened Right Body, Amending situations Right Body, Brother Sister Right Body Bratty, and FINALLY Happy Ending.
#7 - Law of Constant Grilling and Temporal Incessant
When the three and a half hours show timings seem eternal, forever and ceaseless.
#8 - Law of Temporary Mortality
The amount of hysterical hokum witnessed is directly proportional to the amount of Brain damage caused and increase in rate of insanity.
#9 - Law of Respite or Survival of the Sleepiest
Possible only when every body continues in its state of rest or sleep in uniform manner even when compelled by associated bodies to look at the screen once in a while.
#10 - Law of Tactical Apology
Whenever someone views such a thrash, invariably suffers through it but still writes a bugging review to chafe the unsuspecting and try to get away with a simple “Sorry.”