Plz read the FIRST comment .
I was alwaya facinated by self help books.I have seen some of them do miracles (don’t believe?)...I am a livin’ example-read my revu ’’lose weight lazyin away’’ n u’ll know. Read my other book revus and u’ll know how it all happened- specially the one ’’in my shyness’’ (well.. even if u think I’m a sucker, I haveta advertise dude!).
I actually am hungry to read books. Of late I stopped readin’ novels n stories n am just concentratin’ on books that make me grow.. as a human.. mature.. and just make the world a happy place to live in- for me and for everyone who comes across me!
I just make note of all the wonderful books I hear of and go out on a huntin’ session every Sunday.Bein’ a pauper, I haveta be selective in buyin’ these books. I select the titles according to my instincts, which have never been off mark till date :).
This particular book was one of the first titles I heard of at school. A ’person’ had suggested it to me. But, somehow I never felt a fascination for it!
And now as I read it (cursin’ myself for wastin’ money on it when I cud soo easily have bought it for a meager 40 bucks on the Malleshwaram roads! Some lousy morals I had gone for!), I feel that my instincts r again sooooo true!! :() I know more than this author and am more sensible than this guy in keeping up relations and saucin’ even the blandest of relations up!! (I feel on top of the world :)))
Well..THIS BOOK STARTS WITH ’’We assume that if our partners love us they react and behave in cartain ways- the ways in which we do when we love someone... But, only when men and women are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to bloom.’’.. U askin’ me what’s wrong with this? Nope.. nothin’ is.. It’s a very sensible thing in fact! :) But the problem starts now...
The book generalizes too much!! John gray writes just like a male chuvanist... And also shows them as the cold, unromantic and never sensuos beings! Paradox..eh?? Confusin’?? Well.. Listen to these-
’’Martians (men) value power, competency, efficiency and achievement. They r always doing thigs to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Police officers, soldiers, businessmen, scientists, technicians and chefs all wear uniforms to reflect competence and power (as if no women work!).. They dun’t read magazines like psychology today, self or people. They r more concerned with outdoor activities and cudn’t care any less abt romance novels and self help books. They r more interested in objects and things rather than ppl and feelings.’’ Well.. guys.. How did it feel?? Full of contradictions na?
If he’s talkin abt pure masculinity.. How did cookin’ fit in?? And if it does fits in.. How can the male not be sensuous or subjective in actions and thoughts?? And are women not the same ambituous??.. Well.. many men are romantics and real sensuous.. More than women!.. Dun’t ya females agree??.. Well.. many of us love cookin’ and sharing all the house hold chores along with the loved ones.. We love showerin’ the gals with gifts, flowers and pampering them.. We love givin’ them surprises... and sharing our thoughts with them (unlike what the book says).. We too are damn loyal and willing to serve the loved ones after a tired day! Anything to make life brighter and brighter by the days! :)
Then.. ABT THE WOMAN Mr.Gray says
’’They value love, communication, beauty and relationships. They do not wear uniforms like the Martians. In many ways their world is the opposite of mars. On Venus, everyone studies psychology. Venusians are very intuitive. A woman’s sense of self is defined thru her feelings and the quality of relations’’.. Well.. I agree that females are a lot better than males.. as a mom, as a sister, as a fren and as a lover!! But how far can u generalize it in this era??(The book was first published in 1993). And how far can u generalize this way- ’’Martians were hard, the Venusians were soft. Martians were angular, Venusians round and the Martians were cool and Venusians warm.’’ Ok.. He uses the past tense here.. But if u read the whole thing u can understand that this too is generalized!
Well... Some advice he gives for keeping relationships and love afloat are good. The suggestions are sensible. But they all are applicable for both the genders. Both the sexes have equal responsibility towards it and both have to be sensible and responsible. It just can’t be generalized sayin’ all men are like this and all women are like this or by sayin’ that u can make all men feel like this and all women feel like this. It is again a contradiction to the very first statement of the book I mentioned (We can’t expect everybody we love to behave just like we do when in love!).
Just tell me how far THE CHAPTERS ’’men are like rubber bands’’, ’’women are like waves’’, ’’how to motivate the opposite sex.’’, Step by step explanation of dos and don’ts on gender basis, rules to write a love letter..rules for patch up.. Rules for what has to be said and what shudn’t be said..101 ways of scoring points with the opposite sex.. And stuff like this sensible??
Well.. It’s quite ok when not generalized.. Everything applies to everyone!! Both the male and female partners have to understand each other and love each other. Each of them have to keep doing simple things for the other to keep the relationship saucy (not like he says.. Women give points to men based on lots of little things they do and not on one or two big things... and men give points based on how women makes him feel.. Don’t ya think both apply to both??). Well.. Gray also says that a woman wants to be held when in distress and listened to.. and adds on that man doesn’t tend to do that!! Well.. Who doesn’t like the sweet pampered li’le thing to melt into his arms?? Won’t we love to hold her and give her solace!!
Well.. The problem is, I stress again, too much generalization. It might apply to the previous era when man was the social being and woman just the housewife.... But surely not anymore!! A man needs a woman not just to be the one ’’behind’’ his success but to be the one with him.. and a woman doesn’t anymore needs to be completely dependent and at mercy of the male for everything!!
Well.. The books makes sense and even helps ppl when not generalized on a gender basis. Hence I recommend this book and give it a low rating of 2 stars ( the first for stating good ways of making the other partner happy and the second for too much generalization on the basis of gender).
Or.. U cud just do one thing.. listen to what I say carefully and u’ll never regret!!-
Real help continued in the SECOND comment.