God created woman. And boredom did indeed cease from that moment- but many other things ceased as well. Woman was God’s second mistake.
-NIETZSCHE
Well, do I need to specify what was His first mistake?? ;-) Since the age of Adam and Eve -differences have existed. The title just-did-it’s review on Choosing Gifts for a Wife summarizes what men think of women ’Women, you never cease to surprise me’. On the other hand, we women, find men -unpredictable, difficult and ’impossible’. It is important to understand and accept our differences so as to have a more meaningful and fulfilling relationship. The book ’Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ explains this very well. It is appropriately labeled as ’A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships’.
About the author...
The author - John Gray is a Family therapist holding a Ph.D in Psychology. He has been a freelance columnist for various magazines and newspapers in the US. For over 25 years, he has been conducting workshops, seminars and group sessions dealing with various facets of male-female relationships. He also runs his ’MarsVenus’ consulting clinics in the States. The Mars-Venus series of Audio cassettes, Video tapes, Games etc. also aid the depth of his work. Besides ’Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, he has authored 11 other best-selling books including:
What you feel, You can Heal
Men, Women and Relationships
Mars and Venus together forever
How to get what you want and Want what you have
Mars and Venus in the workplace
For details on the author, you may check out https://marsvenus.com
About the book...
Released in 1992 has been tagged as the worldwide bestseller. Published exclusively by Harper Collins Pvt.Ltd; it sold more than 15 million copies in the U.S itself and is available in 40 different languages throughout the world! A game produced by Mattel based on this book was a best-seller too!
The book is available in both-paperback and hardbound covers. The back cover gives the Mars-Venus concept in brief ’’Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in, they forgot they were from different planets. Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women’’
A Peep Inside...
The 300-pgs book is neatly divided into 13 Chapters. Do not skip reading the Introduction. It is as interesting as the chapters of the book. Let us take a small tour of the book…
Chapter 1: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
The first chapter narrates the Mars-Venus concept in the form of a short story. It puts forth that we must first understand and accept the fact that we (men and women) are supposed to be different. It also gives a brief overview of the book.
Chapter 2: Mr.Fix-It and the Home Improvement Committee
When a woman is upset about something and expresses the same to a ’man’; he, by nature, offers solutions proudly putting on his Mr.Fix-It cap, when all she wants is empathy. Women, on the other hand, offer unsolicited advice in the same situation, which may not be appreciated.
Chapter 3: Men go to their Caves and Women Talk
This chapter deals with Coping with Stress. Men become withdrawn and like to be left alone. A Woman gets anxious with such behaviour and tries to pull him out from his Cave. Women under stress seek relief by speaking up and being understood.
Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex
Men are motivated when they feel needed and Women are motivated when they feel cherished. This chapter gives a simple 3-step way to motivate the opposite sex. It explains how can we be more open to give and receive such motivation.
Chapter 5: Speaking different Languages
Men and women use the same words, but convey different meanings. The chapter helps one in correctly interpreting the language of the opposite sex. It also contains a common phrase dictionary and a brief up on the Art of Listening.
Chapter 6: Men are like Rubber bands
Explains the Male Intimacy Cycle. It says that when a man loves a woman, he needs to pull away periodically before he can get closer. When he has stretched away, then instantly he will spring back to her. A woman will learn to deal with the ’pulling away’ phase and support him instead of chasing.
Chapter 7: Women are like Waves
Coming to the Female intimacy cycle, women are like waves. In relationships, women rise and fall in their ability to love themselves and others. She needs some support and reassurance when the wave is on the lowest level.
Chapter 8: Discovering our different Emotional Needs
This chapter gives an insight into the different emotional needs of men and women. To put this in short, men need trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement. And, women need care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.
Chapter 9: How to Avoid Arguments
It takes two to argue, but only one to stop an argument. How true! This chapter explains what happens when we argue and how we can avoid arguments through loving communication. It says that easiest way to derail an argument is to say, ’’I’m sorry’’.
Chapter 10: Scoring points with the Opposite Sex
This is my favourite chapter in the book. It reveals the different ways in which men and women keep scores of their love. For a woman, a gift, regardless of how small or big it is, gets 1 point. A man thinks he scores according to the size of the gift. The chapter gives 101 ways to score points with a woman and ways in which women can score big with men. I noticed that men seem to be more generous in giving points. But hey, they give penalty points as well!
Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
This chapter works on the love letter technique. It shows a simple and effective way to communicate difficult feelings using this technique. The given sample letters make it easier to understand.
Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It
If you want to G-E-T, then you have to A-S-K. This what the chapter says. It tries to shatter the belief that ’Love is never having to ask’. Especially so, for the women folk. Read this chapter to learn how to ask for support without being too demanding.
Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive
All good things come to an end, and so does this book with this chapter which puts forth the concept of Seasons of love. It says that it is very common for two people who are madly in love one day to hate each other the very next day. It helps one in dealing with such times of crises. The chapter ends with the assurance of ’Successful Relationships’.
My thoughts...
When I first started reading this book, I thought I made a wrong decision as it would be of help only (if) when I get married. But I couldn’t give-up after I reached Chapter 2. This book has been of great help to me in understanding men -in general (including my father, brothers, friends and others) and my own self in relation to them. I’m sure it will work the other way round too. The rules and examples in this book, may not always work for everyone as there can be no perfect guide to understand human nature. Use this book as a distant guide and work out your own ways to get the best out of a relationship.
Love to All!