I drove, rode pillion rather, across a promising looking converted bungalow in Banjara Hills painted a calming blue with those hip incomplete brush strokes. “Mocha” - declared the board as I rubbernecked, temporarily ignoring the story my friend was telling me through his helmet visor. It had been a while I went to a decent coffee lounge. So, I made a mental note to make an appearance at the joint.
Landed up there one cool breezy evening with an old friend and walked into what was totally a my-kind-of-place. Odd assortments of furniture scattered in every room, bright painted walls with large Nizami style mirrors. Cloth curtains in plain colors draped casually across wrought iron window grills. The conversion of the bungalow was perhaps deliberately partial so that the place still had the coziness andfamiliarity of a traditional home. People lounged in cozy rooms on mattresses covered with the kind of sheets my mom always buys from the emporiums and checkered with cushions. Past the rooms into an equally inviting courtyard. Cloth canopies softly lit by paper lamps hanging from generous trees. With these surrounding, the weekend ahead of me and the
re-union with an old buddy I sat myself down on an extravagant looking couch for an evening belonging to what some would call the good life.
I wish I could go on with my accolades about the way the place been set up but the discussion now must turn to how the management at the cafe trails far far behind the design of the interior spaces. They have fallen prey, as many Indian joints with pretensions often do, to the economics of the
short term. In the followin I will describe 3 visits to Mocha, Hyderabad. By this, I hope to convince you folks that I’m not a serial blacklister who will malign unsuspecting cafes as a sadistic exercise. I went there three times, gave them a full chance to redeem themselves but my disappointment grew progressively with each visit ultimately giving way to utter disillusionment.
*Visit #1:
*In the first five minutes of being there I was already let down twice.
Let down #1: They did not serve regular water, only overpriced mineral water. There is not a thing that I can think of that is as singularly annoying and cheap as this tactic to make an extra buck.
Let down #2: The real price of an apple mint Sheesha was different from what was listed on the menu. Determined not to be annoyed, we got past the incident by a “ok whatever, just bring it please.” Apparently, buying a dubiously priced Sheesha(Rs 245) does not cut it. The waiter
pestered us with regularity with “Sir, can I get you a bottle of water?” “Something else to drink?”. So, to get rid of him we acquiesced reluctantly and ordered the mineral water. Regardless, my friend and I had a great time, which was possible by virtue of the mise-en-scène if you completely ignored the diligent efforts of the staff at Mocha to royally screw your evening.
Visit #2:
Clearly not having learned from previous experience I went there again one afternoon with a friend hoping that some good coffee will help us to muscle our way past what I call the "4 pm Haze". I must admit here that the menu of teas and coffees was impressive both in terms of range and graphic design. It immediately inspired a discussion of a conneseurial nature. My friend and I deliberated for hours and exchanged expert opinion on the culinary qualities of tea leaves. In the interest of not getting killed by our boss we finally decided what we were going to have only to be told by a guy who was half tuned out that it was not available. This rare variety of caffeinated beverage that we had had the nerve to demand; you will be surprised to know, was tea. Anyway, tenaciously, we resorted to plan B which was -randomly choose three items and order. Again forced to buy the mineral water. Then, my friend took a liking to the baked beans and asked if he could have a more generous helping. The waiter came back saying that it will have to be charged but the good part was that after paying he would also get a lot of other useless crap with it that he hadnt asked for in the first place. We said never mind. We could literally count the cold soggy french fries that accompanied the dish. 49 to be exact. It was just awful. Then the bill was asked for, and it arrived what seemed like hours later with a mysterious “Berry Blast” added to it charged at Rs 185. Now, neither my friend nor I are in the habit of stirring 3-methyl-glucoaminiccyanide masquerading as berry extract into ice water and sipping it thoughtfully. So we said we hadnt had it. They then removed it without resistance or explanation. Having paid the bill I headed over to the manager to explain to him that though he was hell-bent on having me not return to the place I insisted on coming back because I liked the look and feel of the place so much. So if he could stop being gravely concerned about Rs 3.50 worth of baked beans then I was indeed happy to forget everything and return. The manager nodded that he will try his best. So, dear reader, with mind-boggling persistence, I went back the next week.
Visit #3:
I kid you not, I actually thought it was going to be ok this time since I had got past teething troubles. Except that this time it was more painful than a root canal. We were given a place and we ordered food(amounting to around Rs 800). After we ate we asked for an apple mint sheesha. The waiter asked us what kind of "base" we wanted. The base for those of you who are not familiar, is the liquid that is filled at the bottom of the hookah that the smoke filters through. Being simple chaps, we said we wanted a water base. Now happened the thingt hat has caused me to blacklist Mocha, Hyderabad forever in my list unless they completely overhaul the management(means firing every single guy and hiring a new bunch). The waiter told us that "this is the premium smoking lounge and they only sell premium Sheesha here". Which basically meant Rs 150 more than the regular and instead of water you get a Red Bull base. To my astonishment I was told that if you wanted a water base you had to sit outside. Now, like I said before, I like to minimize the amount of chemicals in my body so there is no way I will smoke Sheesha through Red Bull. Thats simply gross. I again spoke to the manager and asked him what the idea was. All he had to say was "thats
just what the rule is". You probably won’t believe me but I had the waiter moved all our stuff to a table outside in the courtyard and then had a sheesha with a water base. I made a mental note never to go there again.
Thus I have blacklisted the place. Mocha makes a great impression with their stylish interiors and ornately designed menus with exotically named food but it falls completely flat when you are assaulted by mediocre service and incompetent management that is thoroughly devoid of class. To make things worse they enforce encumbering rules and regulations which you are not informed about ahead of time. When I go to a Sheesha lounge, I want to go to a Sheesha lounge, not the local municipality office.