NAFISA JOSEPH (1979-2004)
MY YESTERDAY
I didn’t go to college yesterday. Just didn’t feel like getting up in the morning and slept till 12. There was a pensive air about everything around me. I got up and got ready. It was raining outside and usually I love it when it rains. But this time, to my surprise, the rain wasn’t really turning me on, in fact it was depressing me and I didn’t know why! But yes, there was a tinge of intuition that something wasn’t right!
I spent some time on computer, tried studying for a little while but I couldn’t really concentrate on anything. I was just getting really really restless. Even my favourite songs weren’t able to change my mood. And the more frustrating aspect of it was that I didn’t know why I’m not in an upbeat mood! I just thought that maybe I was having an ’’off-day’’.
But alas, my thinking was wrong! It wasn’t just another ’’bad day in the office’’ for me. Something had happened which was certainly going to shock the breath out of me! Something real bad, something evil - one could feel it in the air!
THE NEWS ARRIVES
Just then my friend phoned me and gave me the shocking news whole city was gossiping about and I was unaware of - NAFISA IS DEAD !!!!!!
MY REACTION
I was unable to speak anything and switched off my mobile. I put on the TV and started surfing the news channels. Every news channel from Star News to Aaj Tak was having a detailed report going on dealing with questions like - why she committed suicide? How she did it? Reactions of her near and dear ones. Her modeling career, her success as Miss India, her own mtv show Houseful, her acting talent in Cats and what not!
MY LONG CHERISHED DREAM
I wanted to do my graduation from Bombay and had this dream right from 9th std that when I’ll go there for my graduation, I’ll meet Nafisa at least once, shake hands with her and tell her how much I admire that lady! But sadly my parents didn’t send me out of station for my graduation. I thought that when I have waited for so long, I could for another 3 years! I made up my mind that I’ll meet her when I go for my post graduation to Mumbai. My graduation was to end next year!
I never thought in my wildest fantasies that something like this would happen and shatter my long cherished dream like this! I wept at hearing this news. Wept a bit more after watching it on TV channels. And a bit more while writing this review.
WISHFUL THINKING
The saying ’’When there is a will, there is a way’’ seems to be absolutely useless now. I have the will to see her alive again, but can anyone tell me the way? I wish there was a rewind button in life so that I could go back and stop this unwanted incident!
A COMPLAINT FROM NAFISA
I have just one complaint from Nafisa! She died for a person who didn’t love her as much she expected from him. But why couldn’t she live for the hundreds of her fans like me who love her again much more than she could ever imagine!
ONE QUESTION I’LL ASK NAFISA
I think now I may not be able to meet her after my graduation. I have to wait till I ’’graduate from life’’. And there I will fulfill my long cherished dream of seeing her in real, shaking hands with her, telling her how much I admire her but I will also ask her just one simple question - WHY NAFISA WHY ???????