Gee, the idea of a hair removal cream sounds good, doesn’t it? Slather it on, wait a few minutes and the hair rinses or wipes away, leaving your legs smooth, silky, and hairless. Yeah, right. Those of you who have tried cream removers know where I’m going with this. Those of you who are wondering about them, just keep reading, if you dare.
First, stop and think for a moment about the bare logistics of using this product. Most women use it on legs or underarms. You strip down to your undies to avoid getting it on any clothing (it stains), and spread it over your legs and underarms like butter on toast. Now what? Well, you basically perch on the edge of the toilet with your legs well apart for at least 10 minutes. You can’t cross your legs or bend your knees, or the goop will get rubbed off the areas where it’s touching other skin. You did your underarms? Might as well stand in front of the window and wave at bypassers. Heaven knows you can’t lower your arms to your sides until the Nair is done with its work. If your shoulders get sore from keeping your arms upraised, you can always lower them out to the sides in the graceful ’’chicken wing’’ style. Just make sure the Nair doesn’t get squooshed up under there.
How long do you have to hold these ridiculous poses? Hmmmm...I don’t know. Nobody knows. Not even the chemists that developed the stuff. It varies according to hair length, texture and possibly even color. If you have baby fine hair on your legs, you could probably just wave the bottle of Nair nearby and the hair would fall off. If your stubble is from stronger stock, the Nair should probably be used in tandem with a small nuclear weapon. After trying many, many times (I’m a sucker for effective advertising), I have never succeeded in getting more than half of the excess hair to come off with Nair. Of course, the half that comes off is randomly interspersed with patched of hair that was completely unaffected by the Nair experience, so I end up having to shave the whole mess anyway.
Do not try to use Nair on areas such as the upper lip or chin. This is akin to applying Draino straight out of the bottle. Your skin will become red, raw, and oozing, which beautifully highlights the stubborn hairs standing at attention in the midst of it.
Despite the claims of the manufacturer, Nair does not have a ’’pleasant’’ smell, unless you consider the aroma of toxic waste to be pleasant. Much like the distinctive odor of a permanent wave, the Nair scent stays with you. For days. If by some miracle the stuff actually removed the hair and left it silky smooth and touchable, your mate would in no way be tempted to get close enough to touch your fantasticly smooth skin, due to the repellent effect of the odor.
Stick with a razor. It’s faster, easier, doesn’t smell bad, won’t stain your clothes, and leaves your skin smooth. I much prefer the occasional nick of a razor over the horrid Nair experience. If you dare to be bare, don’t use Nair for your hair. Beware! Beware! If you don’t care for a scare, leave the Nair over there.