Disclaimer:
What you are about to read is a fictional account of a real event, any resemblance to any body dead or living is purely intentional. The content might be hazardous for me(I know I’ll get my first NU today)…but as Gandhiji says, Speak Truth…so here I am speaking truth….
Hara Khan: Hey Rukh, what are you doing tonight? I have something to discuss, can I come over?
Rukh: Obviously Hara, you need not ask me.drop in any time, I have no marriage function to perform at tonight.
Half an hour later, Hara is at Rukh’s place…
Hara Khan: Hey buddy, I and Harish are planning kids in 2007 end….
Rukh: Oh wow, that’s cool
Hara Khan: I have been thinking that it’s been 2 years post Main Hoon Na & once I have babies I’ll be out a year or two more, so don’t you think I should direct one otherwise people will forget me…
Rukh: Oh Hara, you are so right, but what do we do, how much time do we have in our hands?
Hara Khan: Well I think we have just a year in our hand….do you have time for shooting?
Rukh: Oh yes dear, anything for you…do you have a script ready?
Hara Khan: Arrey that’s the major problem, have nothing in my hand, what do we do…
There is a commotion inside…these two run in to see what’s happening and what they see is that Rukh’s kids are fighting….
Rukh: To his son, hey hey, why are you to kiddo’s fighting?
Ryan: Pa, I want to see a Amar Akbar Anthony but Hana is not letting me watch it….
Hana: But, Pa, that movie is “just not in” I wanna see Vabhishek’s item number….
Rukh sends them to separate rooms & separate TV’s but his mind is somewhere else…
Rukh: Hara, did you see my own kids don’t watch my movie, my son prefers Ajitabh’s older movies & daughter wants to see his son, what to do?
Hara: Hey, that gives me an idea, lets make a cocktail of old times & new times so that you can make both your kids happy and they will not see any body else’s movie too;-)
Rukh: wow Hara that’s a good idea, come lets not waste time and decide the story line, lemme call Shauri & few cups of Pepsi….
Its past twelve and they all sit down at the sea facing balcony…
Hara: In Main Hoon Na we had spoofed a bit on Tanmohan uncle so let’s take it forward and make a spoof on the industry…
Rukh: Though the idea looks brilliant but how will people take Hara?
Hara: Rukh you are the king, people will not say anything to you, we can do a spoof on you too….as it is, critics never criticize whatever you do….
Rukh: Hmmm this is charging me up…any story idea?
Hara: Well lets do some reincarnation bit…we will make you play an old time star, people from that generation will love it & then we will present you in the present scenario so that the current crowd too relates with you.
Rukh: wow, double role, how about a melodramatic mom?
Hara: and an ever present reliable friend….
Rukh: an evil producer….
Shauri: ok ok… you two cool down…what about the leading lady?
Rukh: Oh yes I need a young lady this time…
Hara: Hmmm, a rough plot has already developed in my mind, we will make u a junior artist who loves a heroine…he can’t have her so let’s murder her & make him a witness.
Rukh: Cool….an evil producer….and yes we need some brilliant one liners too….
Hara: Right, so you’ll get conked off while saving the lady and like Tanmohan style you will be reborn at a big star’s place…
Rukh: BTW we can use my state of art special effects studio for the older portions(filmfare has started an award for special effects so lets have it this time)….
Hara: hey that’s a good idea; it will excite people too and save our time bhi…
Shauri: But what about the leading lady?
Hara: Hmmmm, see we need a beautiful doll for this role…but Dishwarya has married Vabhishek & she is now ageing too…whom do we cast?
Shauri: Hey last time when Rukh was on ramp, I saw this girl, Deepi…she looks beautiful, just like a doll…
Hara: But I wonder if she can act….but no fret I’ll make her act(If I can make Zayad act then to she will not be a problem)…but will she agree?
Rukh: huh! Mujhe Na kehna Mushkil hi nahin Na mumkin bhi hai…
Hara: Hmmm done then, we will bring you back in the second half…
Shauri: Hey you two, am the producer here, so let me add some Item numbers….
Hara: How about a number where we get all the big stars…we have that much good will ki everyone will come…
Rukh: Brilliant and that ways everyone will be endorsing our spoof….and I’ll also get to do what Big B was able to…
Hara: So let’s clink our Pepsi’s for this movie…
Rukh: hey, that reminds me, we will have to MARKET it really well…
Hara:Yes, we will release it on Diwali, as it is this year neither Taran Shohar nor Ditya Khopra are releasing any movie at that time…
So we will add all the spice in the movie, reincarnation, mom-son-friend love, over the top acting, some award function, rags to riches, ghost ka angle….and within the first week of release will promote it as the biggest block buster, when a Thimesh movie can be hit so this is a Rukh movie;-)
Rukh: That’s great and we will also attend all possible TV Shows, cricket matches, Marriage shows…ki people will want to see it once;-)
Shauri: But what will we name the movie?
Rukh: Shauri, today you are asking only irrelevant questions like story & name, what’s there in a name? It has me in it and rest all will fall in place….
Hara: Rukh, she has a point na, but I have a brilliant idea again…I have always been a big fan of Chintuji and one of his song…Om Shanti Om….lets take it….see even our plot is on the same lines….
Rukh: Looks like your brain is working overtime today, this is a brilliant idea…and the title is so relevant…
And by that I think he meant “When people will come out of the theaters they will chant “Om Shanti Om”…some with pleasure & some like me, with exasperation”
For those who are wondering that why has an OSO review come now…well this Saturday my cable wala was showing this one, we thought lets give it one more try…I mean so many people have liked it so there must be something in it….Alas! This review came up in my mind while watching the 1st half hour of the movie & I couldn’t last till the end….
Brick bats & any kind of ratings & comments are welcome, nothing can be as bad as this movie;-)
PS Why have I recommended it? Well mostly people have enjoyed the movie.so its for them and those who haven’t seen it, why shouldn’t they be tortured;-)