Government Spending Cuts
A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.
The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. ’’I can’t stand this, ’’ said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. ’’Hold it, hold it, ’’ he said to the men. ’’Can you tell me what’s going on here with all this digging and refilling?’’
’’Well, we work for the government and we’re just doing our job, ’’ one of the men said.
’’But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the taxpayers’ money?’’
’’You don’t understand, mister, ’’ one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. ’’Normally there’s three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back. Elmer’s job’s been cut, so now it’s just me an’ Leroy.’’
The Train Ride
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep, the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, ’’I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?’’
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, ’’I have a better idea. Just for tonight let’s pretend that we are married.’’
The man happily says, ’’OK. Brilliant!’’
The woman says ’’Good ... get your own blanket.’’
Government Spending Cuts
A guy stopped at a local gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole.
The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road. ’’I can’t stand this, ’’ said the man tossing the can into a trash container and heading down the road toward the men. ’’Hold it, hold it, ’’ he said to the men. ’’Can you tell me what’s going on here with all this digging and refilling?’’
’’Well, we work for the government and we’re just doing our job, ’’ one of the men said.
’’But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You’re not accomplishing anything. Aren’t you wasting the taxpayers’ money?’’
’’You don’t understand, mister, ’’ one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. ’’Normally there’s three of us: me, Elmer and Leroy. I dig the hole, Elmer sticks in the tree, and Leroy here puts the dirt back. Elmer’s job’s been cut, so now it’s just me an’ Lero
The Train Ride
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep, the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth.
In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, ’’I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?’’
The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, ’’I have a better idea. Just for tonight let’s pretend that we are married.’’
The man happily says, ’’OK. Brilliant!’’
The woman says ’’Good ... get your own blanket.’’
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, and North and South Dakota; those states’ Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:
That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
It’s called a ’gravel road’. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
Any references to ’’corn fed’’ when talking about our women will get you whipped... by our women.
Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for...bait.
Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
No, there’s no ’’Vegetarian Special’’ on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We’re real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.
Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you’re a feminist. Isn’t that cute.
Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over it. Don’t like it? Interstates 80 & 90 go two ways -- Interstates 29 & 35 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
The ’’Opener’’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Understand the concept?
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit the ball into the water hazard. It spooks the fish.
That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is, ’’Sir’’... no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and go home.
How to say ’’I Love You’’ in 17 languages
English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love You
Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo
French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T’aime
German . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich
Japanese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu
Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo
Chinese . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni
Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Jag Alskar
Southern United States . . . . . . . . . .Nice Ass, Get in the truck
welll new thigs online