When I first heard about this movie, it wasn’t the fact that it was called Planet Of The Apes that caught my attention. It was the fact that it wasn’t a ’’re-make’’, but a ’’re-imagining.’’ The next thing was that it was a Tim Burton film. I’m a Tim Burton nut. Nightmare Before Christmas, Batman, Edward Scissorhands, I love all these movies, and I love the way Burton is able to cast such a dark shadow on the world with his almost disturbing imagination.
This is what made me see Planet Of The Apes. A dark, almost frightening tale of a planet ruled by apes is just what I would’ve thought a movie would be with such a title. And now it is. I can’t not say that I wasn’t disappointed. On the other hand, I can’t not say I wasn’t impressed, either. At least not enough to garner a 5-star rating.
The plot is, in its most basic form, a re-tread of the original film. But, being the innovator that he is, Tim Burton has made some changes. Some drastic changes. Some for the better, some for the worse. The most notable change is the world. This is no longer sunny beaches or sun-baked rocks. The overall calm feel of the original movie has also disappeared. Instead, we have a dark jungle. The humans are still the outcasts, and the apes are still evolved. But they are war loving creatures, with a much more complex and human lifestyle (humans are pets or slaves). The ape’s houses are bigger; the town is more complex, huge, and multilayered. Vines are everywhere, for them to get around faster. Instead of a single monkey simply hiding the truth from the humans, there’s one evil monkey who is a descendant from the ’original ape;’ their Jesus/Adam, so to speak.
That’s another subject in the ’so bad it’s good’ story. Religion is a large part of this movie in the way that it affects the climax, up until then, it makes its move on your mind with subtle gestures (the dinner scene being one of them). We know this religion is false from the beginning. It doesn’t prove it’s wrong, we just know it is. In a way that says something about our religion, only I’m not sure if it was on purpose. If it was, they did a good job of slipping it in subtlety but enough for it to be noted as the movie progressed.
While there is an interesting twist at the climax (and offers more of a reason for the ape’s existence than the original movie), it is quickly torn to shreds by the ending, where you’ll first think ’dude, this is cool’ and then change to ’waaaaaitasecond...’ and then ’what the *^%#?’’
The acting is almost ironic. The human roles are all done terribly (except for Estella Warren; she’s hot, and that’s all there is to it) and either forced or unconvincing. However, the main character does do a good job at being all shocked and amazed inside the ship in one of the final scenes (oh, it’s not a spoiler, and you know it). On the other side of things, the apes are all acted fantastically. Tim Roth is outright frightening at times in his role as the head of the ape army, and all the other ape performances are done so well and convincingly, I could almost swear these guys really WERE monkeys.
However, I gotta say that the star of this movie isn’t Mike Wahlberg (sic). It’s the make up. Remember the apes from the original? Some funky face make up and a huge grapefruit-thing over their mouths? It’s far more advanced now. These new masks give the actors considerable control over the ape’s emotions. They can bear their teeth, grin (to an extent), and the rest of the mask will react realistically. The only problem is that the masks still don’t let the actor’s make an ’o’ with their lips when they talk. This sounds like nit picking, and in a way it is, but this small cripple in the mask still breaks you away from the ’These guys really exist!’ world and back into the reality that is Hollywood makeup. Still, great makeup, and very convincing.
Special effects are getting hard to top nowadays, but Planet Of The Apes does a decent job at holding it’s own. While the space station in the beginning of the movie brought back old memories of the days when spaceships in movies were designed to look COOL instead of how they would WORK, instead of vice versa (here’s a hint, Hollywood; when a spaceship LOOKS like it would work, that makes it cool). Monkeys connected to wires (which are edited out of course) give them the ability to almost fly into the air and come down on humans, horses, or other ledges. This eerie ape-grace is something that makes them much more convincing than in the original film.
The music is a mix and match of masterpieces. There is not one time in this movie that I can recall when the music didn’t fit, blend, and enhance what was on the screen. I can’t go into the credits and such on who did it because truth be told, I haven’t researched this movie. In fact, the most research I did was to find out who the hottie was in the movie (Estella Warren), and even then I just ended up at a porn site. sigh Will the madness ever end? Hmm? Wet, wild, and waiting for ME? Free*???? Hot damn, I’m there!
Er, sorry. Anyway, naturally, with the budget this movie had and with it becoming increasingly obvious how little was spent on a script-writer (why o why did Burton allow the line ’why can’t we all just get along’), and with the music being fantastic, why expect any less for things such as sound effects? That’s right, great sound effects. Ambient jungle sounds, the rustling of leaves as an ape runs through them, the serene town, rocket engines firing up, doors sliding open, trees getting smashed to bits by incoming out of control space-jockeys, the usual. Everything is crystal clear and makes you feel like you were actually in the ape village.
My main beef with this movie is the pacing of everything. Nothing really flowed together, or had a lot to do with each other. Besides the necessary crash scene, everything past that could really be taken out and it wouldn’t have matter. The run through the ape camp and crossing of the river was pointless, and existed only to make the movie longer. Nothing was changed after they got to the other side. No one was dead, no one was seriously hurt. It didn’t help move the story. It only slowed it down, and afterwards I found myself wondering ’what’s the point.’
Along with that, all the plot twists and points leading up to the climax are all lumped together into the last half hour, which is a shame. Because all the twists were attention-getters. If they were more spread out, this movie would’ve been much better. However, when a re-make is done in this style, you can’t really expect it to be much better than it currently is. It’s entertaining. That’s about all that matters.
Overall, this movie was exactly what I expected: a good, enjoyable movie. Therefore I wasn’t horribly disappointed like so many critics who expect every movie to be the best ever, and then bitch and whine when it isn’t. I try to be a realist. I wasn’t expecting much. I got a little more, but as I walked out, things were still missing. The twist ending ripped open numerous plot holes that didn’t even need to be there in the first place. I mean, sure Burton had to find some way to show the planet was Earth all along, but JEEZ. This just doesn’t make sense, people! And instead of walking out considerably satisfied, I was considerably confused.
Anybody who’s even slightly intrigued at the previews should check out this movie. If you REALLY have to see it (you know, all excitable and such), then go see it full price. Otherwise, a half price or matinee is probably the best choice, just in case you hate it. I can’t guarantee that you’ll love it. But you won’t despise it. So speaks me. And that’s all that matters, right?
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Note: Turns out the site wasn’t actually free. Devious porn-masters.