Sub : Exponential Organic Growth and others.
Thanks for your concern in me, as a person, in the regions oft-neglected by others.
While your offers to provide exponential organic growth are nevertheless - tempting, I regretfully decline the offer in the interests of keeping myself, and my significant other, within the range of ready-made clothing. The opportunities offered, so considerately, by you - will surely place the both of us in the custom-size zone, for even the most basic elements of beach-wear; as well as shocking the unexpecting beach-goers out of their wits.
In case you’re miffed by my rejection, let me remind you that I DO read each one of those countless E-mails, you write to me without fail each and everyday - 24x7x365; without taking any break or holidays. In fact you’ve been the best(e-)pen-pal I have ever had, who has stood by me through thick and thin. I am sure it’s your concern for my health that drove you to prescribe me medication ranging from those increasing my IQ, to those increasing my libido - the assorted Viagra substitutes.
Thanks for helping me overcome my wordly attachment to Attachments. Without your efforts at sending me Viruses, Trojan Horses, Backdoors, Spyware and other interesting stuff, I would still be wasting countless hours, wading through forests of countless Powerpoint Presentations and Word documents about saving the World.
You keep me informed, whenever Mr. Murthy farts anywhere on this planet, about Indian Cyber-coolie culture, and the virtue of cleaning one’s own toilet. On a side note - What’s this obsession of Indian leaders in cleaning toilets? First Gandhiji? Now Mr. Murthy?. With Mr. Murthy going gung-ho about cleaning toilets on NY times, I wouldn’t be surprised if lot of TCO( Toliet Cleaning Operations) stuff gets Bangalored soon!
What would be my life without those chicken-shit. I mean chicken-soup for the souls goody-good stuff. Without you, how would I get those alluring E-mails from Russian babes with seductive names like Marina, Martina, Kareena, Katrina. [you get the drift?]? Is it’From Russia With Love’ reloaded - Singh. Humra Naam Fauladi Singh? Or it the Russian porno site I visited last summer?
And, Ahh those chain E-mails which you keep sending me with directions from anyone from Bill Gates to God, to forward to 20 more E-mail ids. Rest assured, I’ve always multiplied it by 5 and sent it to so many people. Has helped me get rid of the most stubborn nosey relatives and acquaintances. Thanks to you, the whole world keeps a respectful distance away from me. You are my Hero!
I hope you’ll not hold my rejection of your offers against me and keep sending me those E-mails about fortunes left behind by dead millionaires in Nigeria and other exotic places, and how to make those mine.
*In fact you are so special in my life I’ve a special folder(Bulk Mail) fully dedicated to you.
Yours In Bulk,
Fauladi S
*PS: If you’re fortunate to read the review, please forward it to 50 people. If you don’t forward it in 3 days - if you’re a guy Bobby Darling and if you’re a girl Amrita "Mard" Singh will give you a mouth-to-mouth. or at least your cat will drag a dead bird onto your bed.
PPS: I’m pissed you aren’t sending me those’Hottie Desi’ SPAM that FE mentioned in the comments. All I get is from Russian babes!( Is it my Mousache or is it my Moustache!)
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Three Things are certain - Death, Taxes and SPAM
How to stop SPAM Email - stop using Internet!