You have worked every hour under the sun because you want to go down… you want to go ’down under’. Excellent choice, but how are you going to get there? Walking is a little extreme as it would involve a slight swim which is a bit hard with a massive suitcase. Oh right, sorry, you’re going to fly. Ah yes, now that would be a good idea wouldn’t it? And seeing as you are going to ’Oz’ it would be a good move to go with their national carrier, Qantas none the less. (Yes, it’s spelt without the ’u’ don’t you know!) What a good idea… Ah…no. I’ve just come back from a round the world trip. (yes, it was very nice thanks) When I booked the tickets I found that the majority of my flights would be with Qantas and to be honest I was quite excited. I’d never flown with them before and thought that they would be fantastic, the equivalent of our wonderful national carrier British Airways. Hmmm, if only that were true.
Before I get in to my evaluation of the airline, I’ll let you know what flights I took with Qantas just so you know that I’m not writing it about one flight in particular. The first was Los Angeles to Auckland (12 hours): Second: Christchurch to Sydney (3 hours). Third: Sydney to Cairns (3 hours). Fourth Sydney to Bali (6 hours). Fifth: Bali to Singapore (3 hours).
There are three very basic components to an airline flight that I look for when I jump on that pointy death tube. First of all is a comfy seat with a nice bit of leg room and not too narrow for my rugby players thighs. Secondly you always want a good bit of nosh don’t you, seeing as you’ve been hanging around in the airport for the last 3 hours or so, and having travelled to the airport I’m always ready for a bit of grub when I get on. Airline food isn’t that great, but I don’t really mind it. There is something about having all your meal on a little tray is quite amusing, having a race with the person next to you who can finish it first without spilling half of it down their front when the turbulence kicks in. And finally there is the movie, the highlight of any dull plane flight. All that’s needed is a good film with a TV in front of you or just a few rows away.
Well done Qantas, you got all three of these simple completely wrong. Most of the Qantas fleet are 747 Jumbos. Sadly this means that they are fairly old as airlines have a long life. However to compensate for this most airlines around the world take out the old seats and replace them with new spangly ones, not Qantas. Here is a run down of exactly is wrong with the airline:
Seats: The leg room is ok. My friend is 6 foot and he was just about ok, though at times some scraping of the knee did occur. However, unless you are Wayne Sleep you may feel a little squashed on the thigh department. Not only that but all the seats look very tired and slightly worn. Naturally each seat reclines, but DON’T DO IT! It’s nice for you, yea lovely, but that poor bugger sitting behind you is getting a lovely view of your scalp! A person in front of me on one flight dropped back her chair and it was practically in my face. It goes back too far so the person behind has no room at all and all they can see is the top of your head. It’s nice for a chair to do that when you are sitting in it, but Qantas need to increase the distance between chairs to do so. Otherwise you feel very closed in and not able to move, not great when you’ve got 12 to 23 hours in the same seat. Oh and if you want to go to sleep you’ll have the luxury of a piece of worn sixties curtain for a blanket, lovely. I was so tempted to steal one…oh, no, I’m lying.
Food: Airlines have a hard job with the food department, getting something hot to you when you are 5 miles above the green stuff. However, most have got someway in to giving you a meal that is edible, or something which at least you recognise. Qantas haven’t. All the food was rather strange at best and not particularly enjoyable. One real faux pas was spaghetti. Now you go and sit in your car push the seat towards the dash board as far as it will go and try and eat spaghetti with your arms by your side so as not to hit the person next to you. It’s hard, trust me. Oh, and I was wearing a white shirt, good move that! I wasn’t impressed at the food at all, its not such a hard thing to get right surely. But don’t worry, they do cater for vegetarians but then that’s the norm, as well as any other dietary needs.
Films: Ok, technology is amazing these days, the things you can do. But Qantas still have a projector hanging from the roof for the middle row of people, or a tiny little TV at the end of each side for those either side of the plane. Next time you are watching a film at home, put the TV by the window and then go and sit right down at the bottom of the garden. If you are at the back of the plane or section of the plane that’s about as much as you will see. Thankfully the selection was a pile of pants and so seeing them wasn’t too much of a worry for me. Audio and channel controls were right out of the sixties. Most carriers have buttons that you can press for the channel/volume which is easy. Qantas have these little dials, Bakelite no doubt, set in to the side of each armrest. So if you want to change the volume you have to sit forward in your seat and bend your fingers 90 degrees backwards to change it, getting strange looks of the person next to you as it looks as if you are scratching you arse. Sorry, but is modernisation such a scary thing Qantas?
Price: So how much will these hours of discomfort cost you because if you are going to fly Qantas from England it’s going to be a very long flight. Well a return flight from London to Sydney will be the princely sum of £2109! That’s a lot of money for nasty food and cattle box seats. Compare that to British Airways who will charge you £1681, how’s that! Almost £500 for worse seats and worse food. I know in person that BA have more comfortable seats, personal TV’s and much much better food, and all for less money.
Time Keeping: Well, this would have been nice. Out of the 5 flights that I took every single one of them was delayed in taking off. The minimum was an hour, the maximum was 4 and a half hours. At one stage we were waiting at the gate for the flight, sat some more, then some more. Eventually we got up and went to look at the board to see that it had been delayed and Qantas had not informed us of this even though everyone was waiting to board the aircraft. That was nice of them. However, once we did get a voucher for a bottle of water and a sandwich when we checked in as the plane was late. Only a small thing but it was certainly better than nothing and gave us something to look forward to for the 4 hours we had to wait on that occasion.
I’ve made it sounds as if Qantas are dreadful. Well, job well done then. Most of the flying that I had done before had been chartered planes that take you to the Med or Tenerife on holiday where they cram you in. Well Qantas isn’t mcuh different to one of those flights, only you can be on that plane for up to 23 hours. I’ve never felt so dreadful getting off a plane afterwards. I had to sleep for 18 hours in the hotel after that.
For such long flights Qantas need to modernise and give as much comfort as is physically possible to their passengers. Sitting in one place for 23 hours is a long time, especially when you cant get up. British Airways have set the standard, I wouldn’t fly with Qantas again until they get to at least that level and then dropped the price more than BA and then I’d have to think twice about it. As for now, they are only the equivalent of a chartered Jumbo, something that is just not tolerable in this day and age.