To call Race a badly made movie is a compliment!
Let’s start from the beginning.
Race is pictured in SA and not once did I feel the essence of the breath-taking land of diversity.
The clubs look like from everywhere else in the world, all the people are Indian and everybody speaks Hindi.
Mr. Director, if you want me to believe that it was not my backyard you shot the movie in, show me Sun City, the market places, people speaking African, Zulu and Swahili and not just the tar!
The story is condensed Bold and the Beautiful. And nobody’s role is defined clearly except Anil Kapoor.
Saif blows up everyone with his remote control and is the good guy.( !)
Bipasha has the morals of an alley cat and is the good lady.( !)
Katrina is a conniving woman. But just appears eager to please one and all.(?)
Akshay is a twisted, jealous brother and simply feels like a grating-on-the-nerves scum.( run out of exclamations.)
The story crosses and criss-crosses leaving no time for anyone to absorb a single deceit properly.
Every time the director wanted me to remember an earlier incident or person, a little flash of the earlier screen pops up. Telling me “You get it don’t you.? You there GET IT!”
In one particular scene Mr. Akshay narrates a story of his brother and him holding bicycle races with him always losing miserably.
Ok! I heard you the first time… I said I heard you! You don’t need to show me two boys riding bicycles on the street!
The songs are lousy at the best; in one number Ms. Katrina, the epitome of fashion, dons scales from a blue fish.
?
Ms. Katrina I am not sure how many men would want to "kiss me, kiss me, touch me, touch me" a blue fish!
Anil Kapoor is the only respite, he plays the partner in crime cum police cop to the hilt.
Even though I can’t handle the ridiculous nonsense of his super sleuth, finding out that that the marriage certificate having two different inks to deduce that Saif and Katrina were not married, atleast he brought with him some “A” – rated comedy
The jokes cracked between Saif and Akshay needed a laugh track. I had no idea it was time for me to laugh!
Anil’s relief is so much that I almost forgive him the Kimberleys’ on his ears.
Every gesture/screen is aped from the west;
Saif should play on his chocolate looks and leave the rugged look for the rugged men!
Slick gelled hair and beard go with a certain type of men, sad to tell you this Mr. Khan but it is definitely not your type!
The ladies in the movie were paid a packet to stand around the men. And when I mean stand its just that, STAND!
Bipasha stands behind Akshay and then stands behind Saif. Katrina stands behind Saif and then stands behind Akshay. Sameera stands behind Anil.
Dialogues like “Meet you in Hell” and “Hope we never run into each other” are some that my grandmother’s grandmother grew up with.
The last race scene had a bunch of school kids standing from one end of the street to the other blocking the race track?
Mr. Director, Please watch fast and furious again, least you can do is learn to use the Cntl C and Cntl V properly.
By the end of it, I was too exhausted to really care if Saif converted into a three-eyed alien.
Race is boredom redefined.
Er., Can I give a -1 rating?