Dear Reader, if you are looking for a useful review that makes sense, please close this window now, this is not for you- this is a rant!
See,
1- I had to get up early today(9.00am on a sunday morning IS early)
2 - I had to think(getting my brain into first gear when all signs point to’battery dead’ is painful)
3- I have a Mac
*All of this has put me a bad mood, and Mr.Avinash K Singh is directly responsible for it!*
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Yesterday I was asked by my husband to write a speech for him - a welcome speech, welcoming(duh!) the delegates of some conference to the country.
Seems simple, doesn’t it? Well, I kept getting stuck at’Respected Chair Mr. Arumugam/Ladies and gentlemen, good morning.’ I know, it’s a lousy way to start, but it was still early morning, and my brain was still in neutral, remember?
So what did I do? I got on the net and read up guidelines to writing a killer welcome speech.
The guidelines said
- Keep your writing brief and to the point
- Use subtle, non-offensive humour
*Aha, * I told myself, *I know someone who writes like this - Avinash Kumar Singh!*
I got onto MS, (like I need an excuse really!) looked up one sample of avinashksingh’s writing, and decided I would read another, just so I could’absorb his writing style’(read’copy whatever I could use’) in my speech.
Unfortunately neither of the two articles had anything I could’use/copy’, but they were very interesting, and I got so carried away by them that I read another article, and another, and another, and *(sigh)* before I knew it, it was 3.00 in the morning! Too late by then to do any real work. This meant I had to get up early enough today(Sunday) to write the speech before my darling hubby’s flight took off.
*By writing in a manner that grabs attention and doesn’t let go, the man is directly responsible for keeping his readers here on MS far longer than the poor unsuspecting persons had any intention of being. This is the first reason you shouldn’t read his work.*
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*’What do you want this this speech to be like?’* I asked hubby darling.
*’Make the delegates feel warm and special, and not like they are here to be persuaded to buy the product I’m selling’* he said nonchalantly, and strolled off to the club to spend the Saturday evening with his friends.
Ohh-kkay. back to Mr AKS, this time to look at his writing with critical eyes(btw - I barely passed Literary Criticism in college). This is what he does -
***Starts right-***
sample -
*’hi guys, my name’s avinash’*
Can it get clearer and simpler than that?
(I go back to my speech and delete’Respected Chair.’)
***Makes that start an attention grabber-***
sample - https://mouthshut.com/review/Ford_Endeavour-82907-1.html
*’first things first - I lusted after the vehicle, if only for the reason that it has to be singularly the most macho/rugged and testosterone inducing(in a hair growing on chest sort of way, ) and relatively affordable car on our roads today.’*
Show me one person who won’t get ready to fasten his/her seatbelt and stay on for the ride after that intro, and I’ll show you a person who lives on another planet.
(I go back to my speech and delete’It is my greatest pleasure to address this august gathering.’)
***Gets to the point without wasting words/sets expectations early in the article-***
sample - https://mouthshut.com/review/Choosing_the_Best_Hotel-85314-1.html
*’this one’s on a chain of hotels that likes to call itself non-hotels’*
It tells the reader exactly what he/she is getting
(I go back to my speech and delete’On this, the 5th Anniversary Day, I stand before you.’)
***Presents points logically, and gives his readers details in an interesting manner***
sample -
sorry, too many to use; you will have to read his reviews to see what I’m talking about.
***Uses subtle, tongue in cheek humour***
sample - https://mouthshut.com/review/Motorola_MOTO_RAZR_V3-82928-1.html
*’i say unpretentious because, unlike a lot of other handsets in the market today, this doesn’t pretend to be a music player/ sooth sayer/ neck ornament/ calendar/ wife/ washing machine/ house, and phone all rolled into one! What it does do is primarily be a mobile phone.’*
Tongue planted firmly in cheek, he has neatly demolished the pretensions of the dream sellers out there fighting for a slice of the consumers wallets; nice!
(I go back to my speech, cut out whole paragraphs, shift things around, copy and paste phrases from AK’s articles, and finally end up trashing the effort. Shoot!)
***Ends, like he starts, with a bang***
sample - https://mouthshut.com/review/Apple_iPod-83007-1.html
*’when I leave home I pat myself down for keys, cell phone, coins, toothbrush(just checking if you were awake) and the pod - it actually goes everywhere. It would just get creepy if I said it has changed my life; but it truly has the power to do so!’*
By this time my husband is pacing up and down behind me, even breathing down my neck(maybe he thinks that will help me think/type faster?), checking his watch every two seconds, and all I still have is a blank screen in front of me and AKS’s words dancing in my head. AARRGGHHHH.
*Why does this man(AKS) have to set standards of writing I want to emulate! If you, like me, have so far been happy with your writing standard and style, don’t read his work, it will make you want to trash every word you have written, and that’s the second reason.*
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I’m using a MAC now, and all that cutting and pasting and shifting and copying is driving me nuts. For years I was happy to kick my PC around, its numerous crashes, hangups and all, *then I met AKS!*
*The man so effortlessly writes in a manner persuasive enough to make you want to run out and buy the product he’s reviewing - whether you actually need it or not, and that is the third reason not to read his reviews*
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I have to up my standards of writing, and I threw my temperamental writing machine away for a brand new computer that has a large screen, fantastic graphics, and does things for me almost before I think of asking for them BUT the commands are different, the pages close differently, articles save differently, word editing keys are not the same as the ones I am used to(they may be *better* but they are not the *same*) and I have to re-think and re-learn, and drag my brain out of its’happily drowning in molasses’ state and actually use it, and I am in a hurry, and I have no patience, and.
*Enough, let me go bang my head against another wall!*