God Made Man (Ok, girls, Man embraces Woman, and that’s not pun!). Man made Wheels. Wheels Moved Car. Car Moved Man. Man moved Woman. Woman wheeled Man! They Lived Happily Ever After!
Wheels have turned almost a part of our lives, to such an extent that the simple wheel, by whatever name, is taking man and woman everywhere they want. Ever wondered then, Why God Made Man Without Wheels?! Blasphemous? But nice, nevertheless? Not only would it let you roll off people and situations when and where you felt like it, but it would even reduce pollution, conserve precious fuel and of course, free you of the hunt-for-parking syndrome, for life! Bad roads, small lanes, red lights, dance floors – you name it, you would be better off with a set of personal wheels and no steering (pun intended!). No wonder life is a roller-coaster ride!
Well, since wo-men were not provided the appendage (yeah, wheels!), the closest one could get was to have pseudo har.. oops add-ons!. That probably was how feet first came onto rollers, sans the steering. That brings me to the point I am trying to make, of trying to convince you to have a roll yourself, outside your home! And for once, your spouse may not mind, but cheer you right on, to do it harder, faster and better!
Get Rollin’: Blame a childhood in a place where ‘there wasn’t no ‘un rollin’ nothin’’, I had to wait long, really long, ere I did IT the First Time! I had of course seen folks doing it, live and on TV, alone and in pairs, in different postures and at great speeds, artistically and in sheer dare-devil manner, but I just watched, and put myself to ecstatic delight, thinking of the day I’d do It! But then, there came a time in life when I just couldn’t hold back any more. I was 34 and not done it even once, not even with some one else’s! I bought myself the weird stuff. Yes, the roller skates! While at it, I could add, there are two types. One is like a car (two wheels front and two at the rear) and the other is like a bicycle (only one line of wheels). Starting off is easier on the former, but speeds rise with the latter. So pick depending on your age, pump capacity (A Dr E Nalin) and balance! Where I picked, there were only the latter! The biggest obstacle to getting’-a-rollin’ is static inertia. (Wiki anybody?).
On the Roll: Like Man-on-Moon, like baby-on-feet, the first steps are the most critical; literally ‘make or break’! Make sure your skates are fitted firm and tight, almost as if they were an extension of your feet. The idea is to find a flat place at home, preferably with a carpet, and start walking like a toddler. Stand straight first, bend the torso forward a bit and put your best foot forward a couple of feet. You can’t fall at this, unless you have banana peels for carpets. Take a few steps around the house thus, even if that has your little one gaping at you copying her! Armed with the in-fall-ible confidence, let yourself loose on the outdoors. Choose a good road or cemented floor to begin; you don’t want to pay third party insurance just yet! Stay up a while before you start, walking, that is. Take little steps forward, turn around like you were a JCB and walk back again. Remember Giant Robot? Once you feel yourselves at ease on the new mode of transport, push a little when you first step out next. The basic principle is to have your body weight on the forward leg the moment it starts moving. Follow up with the back leg slowly and take it ahead, and push slowly and a little outward from the centreline. Not too much out and not too far, since a body in a two-piece looks good, not a body-in-two-pieces! So start rolling, slowly and steadily. Feel the wheels below your feet and act as if they were the bottommost part of your leg. Give yourselves a couple of hours to slide-walk (on one day or over more), and don’t worry about the falls. Even if you do, it won’t hurt, physically. (I am yet to have a fall, and I have been mobile for two months now).
Rockin’ Roll: Before you know it, you would be gliding around your building premises, roads, curves (ahem!) and wherever else there is more surface than potholes. But then, soon, you will be teasing past any holes that show up (on road)! Once you get to that, you can start trying to stop by doing an abrupt about turn, jump over small objects, steer your kid along at speed and give your darling a rose while sliding past on one knee! But for the last, you better have good control – on the rose, I mean! Personally, I am still just past the abrupt thingy, after two months of og.. oops, rolling!
Stop-a-Roll: Most important, as you won’t want to use those lovely girls, old folks and least of all, pillars and trees as a brake! Think George of the Jungle! The two-line skates have a brake pad at the toe end. Lift heel, press toe, you stop! Simple! The in-line skates have an insert brake at the back, generally on one foot. Here, you raise the toe and let the brake grind you to a halt. Don’t bother about the brake wearing off when you try to stop, else it’ll be the nose that wears off more! Other ways to do it are to make a ‘V’ (either at the toe or the heel end), or a ‘T’, placing one foot perpendicular to the other (again at the back or the front).
Fall-Proofing: Whatever you do, you still may fall. But then, getting up and back is what is important. Gear up with a pair of elbow pads, kneepads and a helmet. You can discard them as you go ahead, but remember that a bruised head would look better on you than no head! But even if you fall, it never hurts, with all these on, that’s what my ‘gire hue’ pals say!
Why Roll: Believe me, it reduces fat from the stomach downwards. It is good exercise if you hate running and don’t have a pool nearby (no, not the Bombay-in-rain kind!). It looks good, makes you feel good and increases your balance. But it is not advisable as a means to check ‘I am fine-nesh’ after downing a few shots! It boosts your confidence and restores a sense of adventure when you first get the high of ‘your first roll in public’!
After all, this is one fall that won’t hurt, won’t cost and won’t let people call you a ‘gira hua’ dude/dudess!
For those yet to ‘roll it’, you are missing something. For those who did and left, remember that every roll is different, you only need to vary your style and speed! For those who are still able to do it, well, keep rolling, but don’t forget the Rubber (pads, folks! Ugh!).
Here’s to a Roller-Coaster called Life!