Air Travel! Shudder....
I went on my first plane ride at the ripe young age of 6 months OMW (Outside Mothers Womb). Technically I got into a plane at the age of 6 months IMW (inside mothers womb... she traveled with me inside her). At that age I couldnt observe much but plane rides were something I was destined to do over and over again (eek).
It might seem improbable but a lot of things can happen in an Airplane. I once read the ten most funniest things to happen in a plane and one of those incidents went like this:
A Pakistani family got into a plane. Mid-flight they got hungry and the husband opened a big bag, took out a stove, popped it in the aisle... and was about to make parathas....
Far fetched??? nope... fact!
So, it true. A lot can happen during a flight. Lets see what precautions can be taken to avoid or cope with these happenings:
The Shake Rattle and Roll Syndrome
This was something that I experienced while traveling business class (Air India). I parked my bottom on the plush seats, stretched and got ready for take off. The behemoth’s engines were switched on. I heard a rattling noise right in front of me. I look up and I see that one of those plates doesnt have all the screws or whatever its called and it was rattling away. I look at the dude next to me and he’s busy asking the air hostess for some hooch. I asked the air hostess if I should use the gum I was chewing to stick that thing together. She laughs and says nothings going to happen. Oh well, nothing did happen but that was a pretty intimidating sight on a plane.
Recommendation: Carry Fevicol while traveling via Air India.
Wind Sock Si, My Sock No
Another Air India experience. The Air Hostess was in her early 49s. She reminded me of a mom in law I didnt want. She brings coke. She spills the coke on my foot. I have a drenched sock. I say to myself ’’to err is human, to spill coke on my foot must be funny’’. She apologized and bought me another coke and offered to get me a pair of socks. I say to myself ’’this must be a common happening, they must have loads of socks stashed away on the plane’’.
Recommendation: Carry extra pairs of socks and other clothing in your briefcase.
Brat Alert
This happened during an Oman Air trip. Great looking air hostesses. This should be a piece of cake. Then they distributed those toffees. I took one. A brat sitting next to me looks at me and goes ’’UNKILL... can I have that toffee?’’.
UNKILL???? I hate kids calling me UNKILL... its UNCLE! not UNKILL! ANd you want my toffee?? MY TOFFEE??? I’d rather part with my left lung. I’m known world over for my sweet tooth. Perhaps it was old age setting in... I gave it to him anyway.
Recommendation: Carry your mean face with you to scare brats.
Lungis on a plane??
I have seen people on a plane wearing lungis and chappals. No recommendations, no safety precautions. Just maintain a straight face and look outside for a better view.
The ’’yank overhead luggage before plane halts’’ syndrome
They have the FASTEN SEAT BELTS sign on. The lady on the mic screams ’’wait till the plane stops before you start getting up’’. What do people do?? They get up the minute the plane starts taxiing around the runway looking for a place to park. They open the overhead luggage compartments. They yank and drop luggage on the people sitting directly below. OUCH!
Recommendation: Wear a helmet! and take insurance. As for you impatient characters, you just think about it... what if the person you dropped your luggage on was... MIKE TYSON????
’’Switch the damn thing off, you retard’’
’’Ladies and Gentlemen, Please turn off your mobile phones and laptops during take off and landing as it interferes with signals’’. Thats a tough one to understand and heed, isnt it? Unfortunately, every time you get into a plane, someone or the other doesnt heed this very vital warning.
Recommendation: If its someone else, yell ’’SWITCH THE DAMN THING OFF, YOU RETARD!!!’’... if its you who’s doing this then... ’’SWITCH THE DAMN THING OFF, YOU RETARD!!!’’
Miscellaneous Mishaps
Air sickness?? They have bags for you to puke into. Just dont hold them upside down.
Ears popping?? Suck some air or suck a toffee (provided you didnt donate it to that brat in front)
Nervous?? Take one of those stress relievers that you can squeeze on or just squeeze the person sitting next to you. Seeing someone else in agony can always ease your agony.
An urge to smoke?? ARE YOU KIDDING??? YOU WANNA KILL EVERYONE??
All said and done, air travel is probably the safest means of travel.
~finis~
Notes:
------------------------------------
I havent experienced any luggage being lost or stolen inside a plane. So I didnt mention that.
Carry one of those inflatable pillows that wrap around your neck. They’re cool. Also, drink lots of fluids, you dehydrate when you travel.