I went to the Balaji Telefilms office to apply for a role in one of their esteemed serials ’KKKaahani saas bahu kiii’ . We were told to write a short screening test as applicants were too many and they had to shortlist only those who got at least one of the five answers right.
The test began.
Test your EQ(Ekta Quotient) or rather KQ:
- A is father of B but B isn’t son of A. C is B’s brother but A isn’t father of C. D has a son who’s father is A but D isn’t A’s wife. Q is A’s mom-in-law but D isn’t Q’s daughter.D is a sister of Y who is also A’s wife. Who is A?
a. An alien from Mars
b. A ’serial’ killer
c. A mental asylum dweller
d. A character in Ekta Kapoor’s serial
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2.Which is a mandatory field in the leave applications for actors of Balaji Telefilm’s serials?
a. Do you want to be taken back after you return or want to be killed or sent to himalayas in the plot?
b. Do you have any objection to another actress playing your role while you are away and resume when you are back?
c. Are you ready to sign an affidavit regarding termination of your role if your maternity leave exceeds the alloted time of 9 days?
d. All of these
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3.If Ekta Kapoor ji would make a serial on legendary lovers, what would she opt for as her title?
a. Kheer-Ranjha
b. Kaila-Majnu
c. Kavedas
d. Kromeo-Juliet
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4.What is the best way to make sure a serial runs for eternity?
a. Have a 20 year jump every 500 episodes
b. Have the lead actors remarry and redivorce as many times possible
c. Have the lead actors ’die’ and return with a plastic surgery and change of voice and height
d. Have the lead actors slip into coma or suffer from amnesia periodically
e. None of these
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5.What do you need to make an Ekta Kapoor serial?
a. A vampish ’another woman’
b. A self sacrificing, self depricating, mangalsutra hugging and kumkum dripping wife
c. A Lalita Pawarish mom-in-law ocassionally turning into Nirupa Roy with a change of heart
d. a, b and c
e. A storyline
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The test ended.I was sure about getting at least one answer right. You see I had answered ’c’ to first question and ’e’ to the last. Others I wasn’t sure of.
I waited eagerly for the results which came out within half an hour. I was shocked not to find my name in the list. All my dreams of acting in an Ekta Kapoor serial came crashing.
To my astonishment, they had also arranged for TV crews to shoot the candidates who failed and candidly asked us ’How does it feel not having made to the first round?’, to which I could just reply (as I could hold my tears back)-
’I would have to wait for another 20 years as per the rules to apply for a role in the same serial.But I would surely return and try again.’