Alright. the new wave of dulhania and kach kach movies has ensured that whatever sport indians do play in real life, everyone knows how to prance around in a basketball court. have u ever seen a college without a basketball court these days ? in the movies, I mean.
well, actually you haven’t seen nothing yet if you haven’t seen the indianised version (apparently) of ’scream.’ to be frank, I have not seen the original as yet. but, as I watched the movie, the greater mystery in my mind was not who the killer behind the white-and-red mask is, but why kajol’s cute little sister has chosen this movie to make her debut.
let’s cut to the chase. ssssh! (people are having difficulty pronouning this title - the two sequinned and sequenced girls in front of us called it ’shooo’ at the fame adlabs counter and at least one child professed a desire to visit the rest room while the titles were being pronounced on screen) ...
.... sssh! is about a red and white masked who looks a lot like the friendly neighbourhood ronald mcdonald of mcdonald’s bench fame, going around stabbing people in (apparently) random fashion. it’s not random of course, but then initially that is not so ap-parent, not even to a-parent (oops) like tanisha’s mother who paints the canvas outside their palatial simla home like she was painting the ghar kee diwarein for diwali (of course, when killer mia gets a stab at momma - you guessed it - ketchup flies all over the canvas. when will our film makers ever ketchup with hollywood, one wonders)
killer with eerie mask is also keen to polish off tanisha, whose elder sister and boyfriend he slices on a squash court even before the titles have begun. with some generous help from at least two agatha christie novels (’death on the nile’ and ’and then there were none’) he - or she - keeps us guessing about his/her identity amidst shimla snowfall, glimpses of tanisha’s ankles, bhangra binges in bangkok and yes, basketball courts.
is the killer karan nath , the boyfriend (naah, but then he saves her once from the mask, so he’s cleared)? is it dino morrea of the pectoral fame? or is it one of the other girls? or the police officer who seems to be the only functioning inspector in all of shimla and even flies to bangkok to the call of duty? who has the motive ? who has the opportunity?
revealing more than this may give away the plot of the movie (so you actually want to watch it?! take ur girl along, at least she can pretend to be scared and you can pretend to be brave for coming to a movie like this) suffice it to say that the plot has more gaping holes than a tennis net at wimbledon. why would the killer attempt to make his final attempt in a deserted bangkok island, when everyone would know he / she was the only person returning alive from thailand?! why would police uncle not give protection to lil miss tanisha after the first seven or eight attempts? why would adoring mama not take off to another town when she knows child’s life is in danger?
oh, yes, there’s also a baazigar twist at the end - after shah rukh’s turn, it seems people can even dissolve the UN assembly if their mother have been wronged in the hoary past. there is also a pretty sick and cheap reference to the sholay coin toss when the killer is trying to decide how to dispose off tanisha dear. quite sick, really. sometimes the depths to which bollywood humor will go. karan nath also hams and hams so much, you wonder why he doesnt have a role in ’Babe’. kethcup flows like its panipat time. the music is .. well, a scream.
with so many minuses, nature demands some plus. tanisha comes to mind straightaway, she has some of tanuja’s acting talent, looks more appealing than kajol and tries honestly. the camerawork is good in parts and the background score OK-dokey.
but all in all, ssssh ! is a very damp squib.
don’t tell me the title didn’t remind you of one.