Alas, here I am alone in the dingy confines of stall number 3 at the Watertown Mall, conveniently located in Watertown, MA. Technology is a great thing, especially these new fangled wireless modems and Dell Laptops, for in the past this story I’m about to render would only be passed through accounts of folklore, and whomever heard the vicious reeling of my innards (sorry folks in stalls 1, 2, 4, 5, and the little fella hiding in 8)
The day begins as normal; a bus ride, 85 US cents, to the local mall for a day of trinket gathering. I peruse the usual, Foot Locker for some new socks, see I usually only go to the mall on ’’wash day’’--I call it wash day because I am supposed to wash my clothes as I have none clean--however, being a witty fellow, I decided to hit the avenue commando style. These are the lengths one must stoop to in order to snatch new undergarments. Of course such an adventure is sure to work up an appetite--this is what makes the mall so wonderful, they have an entire city block dedicated to fast food..and with that comes choices, well call me Pablo because this day I was ready for some Mexican, and who better to get it from than Taco Bell:
I order, Benny serves me. Benny is ugly handsome, reminds me of Richard Lopez, unfortunately my appetite would have been more satiated if it was his sister Jennifer serving me, but we all carry our cross. Nonetheless, I’m easy going, feeling like a numbers guy, so I go for combo 6. Two Taco Supremes and a Mexican Pizza (I asked if I could substitute Italian, but no dice!) I grab a handful, actually an armful of mild sauce (it is self serve, unlike KFC where if you ask for extra BBQ sauce they want your PIN number!) Grab a table, start chowing down and I realized something...I’m not eating MEAT, I’m eating SEAMONKEYS! I mean serious, there is nothing meaty about this, it is the Kool-Aid of meat, reconstituted in water, even! I didn’t taste poor or anything, it’s just that I was expecting meat (I guess that’s a vague term in and of itself!) Ever have a glass of water and a glass of milk on the table and you grab the milk while thinking to yourself you’re grabbing water and when you taste it you wretch just because your brain was thinking water? Well that’s what happened with my tacos!
So I get over this initial shock, finish the meal, clean up the tray and aim for the bus. Something happens, at first it just feels like I pulled a muscle, but this is far worse, this is a Pepto-Bismol commercial, and now I’m running, running to stall number 3-which brings us to the present.
As my story ends, I am still sitting on my royal, albeit public throne, with one last mission before I head for the bus, yup the Levis store!
In closing, I would recommend the food at Taco Bell for several types of people:
a. Those adding fiber, prunes, etc to their diets
b. Those on crash diets, such as boy bands and/or supermodels (yes the food is fatty..but you won’t be digesting it!)
and
c. Parking cops