The Ishtarting:
The film starts with Saif Ali Khan in a car, underwater, gradually sinking down and at this juncture he starts telling his sytory, The name is Jimmy Cliff, a call center executive, who is efficient at two thing that he loves the most, his work and girls, , but one fine rainy day, his lecherous eyes fall on a girl which according to him was radically different from the girls he had a fling with, an ethereal beauty, fully clad from head(sorry, neck!) to toe. He instantly approaches her without wasting any time and uses his charm to impress her. To his surprise she asks him to provide private tuition to her boss. Her boss is Bhaiyyaji(Anil Kapoor) who is a fan of tashan. He wants to speak flawless english in 3 months because a foreign delegation is coming and he has to deliver a speech in front of them. Jimmy aggrees to this herculean task and alongside starts his romance with his new find love, soon he finds out that Bhaiyyaji an underworld don. Pooja is also one of his victims who is serving him because she has to pay him a large amount of money. Jimmy decides that he will free Pooja from Bhaiyyaji’s clutches., but little does he knew that Pooja will run away with all the money alone. It’s him on the run now and Bhaiyyaji on his head, but bhaiyyaji had a perfect man for this job, a person known as a recovery expert, Bachchan Pandey(Akshay Kumar). Well, I deciphered that the story has finally started after almost fifty minutes of proceedings which were funny in parts but a building up this long was an indication that all is not right, something somewhere is wrong. Before we could understand anything more
The INTERMI-SON.
THE AFTER-THE-INTERMI-SON:
In this portion only thing that happens is that the three main protagonists wander from rajasthan to kerala to .god know where, and finally recover the money, but hold on, after 1 hour and 40 minutes when you thought you have made a fool of yourself for a movie which has absolutely no story at all, suddenly the director comes up with a story, a don-to-death story of long lost love and revenge drama, whew! Now what, the good guys will fight the baddies, and lovers will unite.
The MU-JIC:
All songs were nice, lyrics were cool, and choreography was excellent. Watch out for "Dil Dance Maare*", absolutely funny lyrics with catchy tune and superb choreography, the actors in those blonde wigs and bizzare outfits gave the word "hippies" a new meaning. And yaa, not to forget those pictureque(wallpaper stuff!) locations.
The Kareena:*
She looked simply out of the world, if you thought **Aishwarya burned the screen in Dhoom:2, then Kareena has blown away the screen this time, she looked beautiful as always(in those salwar kurtas in the first half), but it’s the bikni that shows her hard work she has put, just watch her in Don and then watch her in Tashan and you will get to know what I am talking about.
The CENIMA-TOGRAPHY:
It was so amazing that the word "amazing" is an understatement, the colours were so vibrant that I can’t describe it in words. I mean you must have heard about flourescent green and flourescent orange but in this movie even white was flourescent, then vivacity of colours were really a soothing experience otherwise torturous movie.
The OUT-PHITS:
The costumes wore by the characters were looking unique in promos, but after watching the movie it all seemed stupid to me. Just watch the shoes of all the male actors in any of the scenes!
The ACTING:
This movie has a dangerously low number of character actors, Yashpal Sharma, Sanjay Mishra and Manoj Pahwa are the three fortunate people who somehow got a chance to be caught in the camera(they must be cursing themselves now!), which otherwise always keep revolving around our four central characters.
Anil kapoor was funny in the initial scenes, but after three or four scenes his angre-ji dialogues started to get on your nerves, he tried to go overboard but has failed miserably.
Akshay Kumar too has gone over the top, I mean rooftop and the result is unbearable. His split-wide-open grin was supposed to be funny, but is irritating like anything. The director was sure that he can make Akshay do anything and still people will applause.
Saif was lucky not to have a lengthy role, as he can easily sideline himself from this debacle in future. In fact his character was the single believable character in the movie.
The AC-SON:
I read somewhere that fight directors from hollywood were specially imported for this project for creating some never seen before stunts, I expected action scenes to be at least at par if not better than Dhoom:2, but all the stunt scenes were idiotic to the core. Yes, they are quite never seen before on indian screen, but it doesn’t mean you can show whatever you want want specially Akshay Kumar who jumps in a way that even a circus monkey will die in shame after watching him, and specially the fight in the climax, even Rajni will bow his head for our Khiladi Kumar, as he blows away 100 people with an electric pole that he has just unearthed from the ground(and We thought Sunny paaji was the best, dude! that was just a handpump!).
The TASHAN:
You must have heard the tashan of each characters in the promos, let me rephrase their phrases full of tashan.
Jimmy Cliff:
Bhaiyyaji mujhe "jaarj boos" kehte hain, bacchan calls me "phirangi", I call my myself "har"(in the movie), but in the end none of these matter coz *this all crap was director’s decision, unfortunately yehi hai Jimmy ka tashan
Bachchan Pandey:
Gamchha bhi bana dia hai style statement, bandar aur gorilla ko de di humne embarassment, baar baar jeans to adjust karne mein(watch out his Sachin style gr scratching, disgusting, huhh!) hum dete hain attention, yeh hai Bacchachn Pandey ka ganga kinare wala tashan.
Pooja Singh:
Chahe ghumoon Greece mein bikini mein, yaa ghumoon Haridwar mein salwaar kameez mein, mera figure zyada sexy yaa meri adayein zyada kaatil, saare logon ka hai yeh question, pooja ka yehi hai, yehi to hai tashan.
Bhaiyyaji:(an ardent fan of tashan)
When I riks-aa chalao, even car not ca-ching me, when I fighting, not even a single hero maar khaaying, phau-ren delega-son ke saamne eng-lis bolna hai hamra phai-son this-h my dear phe-llos eij my tashan.
Udvigna Prakash:
I feel sick after watching this worm of a movie originated from the cocoon of Yash raj films, robbing innocent people of their time and money and even sanity(in my case), yeh aisi movie hai, doston ke saath dekho to dushmani ho jaaye, girlfriend ke saath dekho to breakup ho jaaye, family ke saath dekho to family doctor ko bulana pad jaaye, these are not mere words, but my frustation, this, yes, all this whatever I spilled from the top to here, at this point, is my tashan.